Observations and Updates

Nov 21, 2007

Nobody told me when I got this surgery and lost enormous amounts of weight, that it wouldn't be just me going through these changes. The whole world around me seems to be changing as well.

Something that I'm not used to is being regarded as "hot." For 32 years, I was the funny fat guy. I was sweet. I was, at best, cute. Since I've lost weight, I've been called gorgeous, pretty, handsome, beautiful and hot. Not thoughts of my own, but others. Don't get me wrong. I don't see this as a problem. I love the attention. I love being cruised. I still have a problem reacting to it the wrong way, though, with somewhat hilarious results...

Related to the above paragraph (as some roll their eyes at the list of adjectives I wrote), I have always been a confident person. My self esteem has always been high and I have always thought well of myself. Why, when I considered myself good-looking when I was 380 pounds, peoples' reactions were, ahh... Good for him. He's got good self esteem. Now, at 180, if I say I think that I'm good looking, people roll their eyes and say, what a conceited fuck. Same person. Same comment. Different reaction.

Another thing I've had to watch is my sense of humor. I have a really dry and sarcastic sense of humor and used to be able to say things that were, well, forgiveable because people thought they were coming from an overweight, obviously bitter individual (although I was never bitter.) Now, no one feels sorry for me and I have to watch what I say. When I make the same jokes I'm just plain an asshole.

I sometimes forget how physically different I am and am surprised by it. At work today, a guy had his truck tailgate open for us to sit on during break. When I sat on it, the truck didn't groan and the tailgate didn't settle mere inches from the ground. It barely moved! The others I was with didn't notice, but I smiled a bit myself. Yesterday, I was laying with my boyfriend on his sofa. My head was on his stomach and I kept asking if he could breathe all right. Finally, he just yelled, "You're not 380 pounds anymore!" with a laugh.

Update wise, this boyfriend is a new one. My partner of three and a half years and I broke up in August. It had little to do with my weight loss, but it was a relationship that was pretty much over months before I ended it officially. I just wanted to enjoy life as a new single, then I go and meet someone a couple of months ago who I could really fall for. I'm kind of angry (not) that he made me cut my single escapading shorter than I wanted it to be (I'm 32 now. How many more can I have?) but he just might be worth it.

As I said before, I'm down to 180 now and am kind of concerned. This is the weight I wanted to be when I had my tummy tuck and I didn't think I'd be there until at least the beginning of next year. Being 5'9, my ideal weight is 165. So, I figured with the removal of 10-15 pounds, I'd be right there. But I haven't been referred or anything to a plastic surgeon yet. And I'm still losing 3-5 pounds a week. I'm almost concerned that it won't stop (I know it will one day), and that when I have my surgery, I'll end up looking like Nicole Richie circa 2006.

Sorry to be long winded, but I just had to bring these observations up.  I want to thank everyone here for their support and wish you all a great Thanksgiving. (I'll have my egg drop soup and stuffing ready.)

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