sspiggle
Well, I don't really know what to say. I am 40 years old now and I have been heavy my whole life. I have a skinny fraternal twin. I have been checking out weight loss surgeries for about the past 12 or so years and sometimes want to have either a lap-band or a RYN done so bad that I just sit and cry. I have been on many diets over the years only to gain back more each time. Except for about the last 10 years. I decided if I couldn't/wouldn't keep it off I just couldn't put back on MORE pounds so I have stopped trying to lose weight. I haven't gained any more. Even when I had my two girls I only gained about 10 pounds during the pregnancy and left the hospital weighing less than when I conceived but of course I gained back what I had lost during the pregnancy plus a little more.
I had a wonderful husband (after being married to a real jerk the first time around) who gave me 2 beautiful daughters, now ages 3 and 7. My weight never, and I mean this honestly, bothered him. He was kind, affectionate, loving, etc. We had a GREAT marriage. We talked about WLS but he didn't want me to have it. He said he was afraid of losing me and loved me anyway. After a couple of years he relented and said that if it was that important to me he would change his insurance at the next enrollment period so that I could proceed. We were married a week short of 7 years. Then tragedy struck and he turned a tractor over on our farm. He never even made it off the farm. I was a widow at 39 years of age with 2 small children.
Well, that was May 19, 2007. Now more then ever it is important that I lose weight so that I can be around a long time for my girls, but it is all so depressing about how much it costs (I have private policies for myself and my daughters that say specifically that they do not cover WLS -- so will have to be self-pay), how heavy I am, how horrendously hard it is to lose weight, how much is going on right now with everything.
I know this all sounds so depressing. But at some point I hope things will be better. Everyone on this site seems to be so supportive. I hope one day to join the losers. Thanks!
