hi my name is heather and im a fatty....

May 22, 2010

i joined OH a couple months ago but im just now getting around to writing something.
my name is heather. i have 2 children. how at my size i safely had 2 kids ill never know but it happened.
i started the process of WLS a couple of years ago. at every door i come to i get turned down. im always prepared for the disappointment of not getting approved.
i have lots of thoughts on the subject but i just cant seem to put them into a paragraph. so im just gonna write random things.

i really want to have a VSG. i tried to get a medical loan but got denied. i have a private daycare but they dont consider that income. i tried using my husbands credit but we had just bought a new car a previous year so he got denied. so now i have a big pickle jar in my room that says fat surgery fund. it has $165. everytime i put my weekly wages in said jar saomething always comes up and i have to take from it. at this rate ill never have WLS. ive never wanted something so bad in my life.
i have been keeping my plans a secret from my family. my husband and mother know but no one else. probably cuz i didnt want to know their opinions. but at a family dinner one night it came out. and then i got an earful. basically im a bad mother for wanting to go through a life threatening surgery. how could i leave my kids motherless if i were to die on the table. another comment was, im selfish for saving money and not giving it to my household. my kids need stuff more than i do.
i am the biggest person out of my whole immediate family and extended family on my side and all of my husbands side. that doesnt make me feel better.
i dont like to go outside of my house or drive. if i need something i order it off the net or make my husband go get it.
im afraid if i do get surgery, once i start losing weight i will look even uglier. kinda like a deflated balloon.
i hear the comment all the time that if i just lost some weight i would have a really pretty face.
my family doesnt like the idea of me going to mexico to have my WLS. but its the only thing i can even think of possibly affording.
scott and white insurance sucks!!
the profile pic yall are seeing is of me 6 years ago. that was the last time i think i took a picture. or atleast smiling in the picture. i have over a 1000 pics in my camera or hanging in my house. im in 13 of them. some are of my arm, my shoulder,  my hand, or the side of my face.
i dont know how much i weigh. the scale at the gym maxes out at 450. i dont want to pay a $20 copay for me to go use the scale at the docs.

more random thoughts to come at a later date........

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