StarMagik
Looking at WLS for about 5 yrs now.
Finally have an insurance company willing to cover WLS under certain conditions.
I really need to find others in Baltimore or Maryland area who I can talk to.. I am excited but nervous too..
I finally have my consulation with my surgeon scheduled for Aug 15.
I just got my sleep study completed.
Turns out I have sleep apnea. No big surprise there.
My blood pressure meds were increased.
8-2-05-- I finally heard from someone from the site.
Thank You all so much.
Well.... I finally feel that I may not be alone doing this. I have always felt like I always have been on the outside looking in and reading about other people's sucess stories.. but that I would never be a part of it, that I would never have one of my own.
Seems like that I so close.. I am so afraid that something will happen and I will be right back where I started.
Today I told a good friend of mine about the surgery. He was supportive. More so than I thought. I still have only 2 other people to tell. They will be the hardest to tell... and they will have to know soon. I think I will tell them tonight.
Maybe I will tell them after my appt with my surgeon.
Nothing like procrastination huh?
I went to my podiatrist yesterday. He said that he could tell that I had gained weight in the last few months. He said that I looked like a totally different person.
He said he was worried about me. Even hearing that.. it doesnt make the comments any easier to hear. I am always amazed at how easy it is for people to disguise very negative comments within the context of caring about your well being.
I will be so happy when I am on the losing side... maybe the passive aggressive negativity will end after I have lost the weight?
I hope so. .. I am so tired of being treated like I am less of a real person because of my weight.
I should compile my list of questions and contact these people that have agreed to talk with me.
I am so glad that I actually have an outlet now.
Well... here goes...
August 11th, 2005--
Well... after many phone calls and a lot of persistence.. I have my psychiatric evaluation appointment scheduled for August 23rd.
I spoke to my insurance company yet again.. I wonder if they are going to get sick of me checking and double checking everything every little step of the way. But I believe it is best.
I am very excited to be getting my surgery date soon.
August 14th, 2005--
Very nervous about meeting with my surgeon tomorrow afternoon.
It is a pivotal point in this process..
I re-read the risks involved with the surgery... am I doing the right thing?
Do these risks out weigh the risks associated with morvid obesity?
I just dont know.
I am so afraid of dying either way....
I wonder if anyone else out there has this fear... ?
Fear of dying. I noticed that I am highly afraid of dying. I guess this is something that I should face.
I am so sure that if I DONT do this surgery.. I am going to die of a heart attack from something simple as trying to tie my shoes or put my underwear on.
I guess that you need to be aware of all the risks....but should that scare the hell out of me?
I guess that it should. This is a major decision.. life altering right?
I just am curious if these aprehensions are normal.
Well I am off to complile my list of questions for my surgeon.
August 16th 2005--
Well I did it!! I had my first consultation with Dr. Anne Lidor. After all has been said and done, I am very happy with my choice to use her as my surgeon. She prefers the laproscopic approach obviously, as she is very adept in laproscopic procedures but does have experience in both open and lap. She definately hasn't done the 2000 gastric bypass surgeries that Dr. Schweitzer has apparently done, but she IS a direct associate of Dr. Schweitzer and has worked along side of him numerous times and comes highly recommended by him. She also happens to be specialized in minimally invasive surgeries and has a vast array of experience in these type of surgeries not just in gastric bypass surgeries alone.
I would recommend her to anyone who is serious about this surgery. She sets your expectations right up front. She doesnt sugar coat anything and wants and expects you to be just as realistic about this surgery. She demands that you have a strong support system at home and is very focused on your recovery.
I went in for the 30 minute session (that turned into almost 2 hours) with a great list of questions.. (thanks again Patty!) and between her and the nurse practitioner that I also saw, all of my questions were answered. They did reserve some of the questions for the upcoming meeting with the dietician which was fine for me. She also was extremely pleasant and funny. She was very personable and seemed to be concerned more about my long term health than just getting me on the table. She wants to make sure that anything that you are concerned about is addressed. She made me feel so much better about my decision to have this surgery and really put me at ease that I am going to be in good hands.
She is submitting to my insurance the request for approval although I will have to have the results of the psych eval sent to the insurance after this coming tuesday. That will complete my process and then I will just wait for the approval letter to come in!
This has got to be the most exhilirating experience so far.. I am sure that it will not compare to actually getting the approval for surgery, and that in turn will not compare to actually begin to start losing weight and improving my health, but so far.. this is the best feeling ! almost 6 years has gone by since I decided to do this and it is almost surreal.
I wanted to say thank you to all of you who have been so nice and helpful.
August 22nd, 2005--
OMG!!!!
I am approved!!! I got my approval and my surgery date all at once. I was calling my insurance company from work about some other appointment, and they asked if there was anything else they could help me with. I said.. ehh.. what the hell... Did my surgeon send anything to you yet? They said.. yes and it was approved. I was kinda expecting a fight with the insurance company so I was sitting kinda silently in shock when my cell phone rang and it was the surgeon's office calling me to tell me I was approved and to give me my surgery date. My head is swimming.. I suddenly feel like I have SO much to do.
In the 30 minutes since the phone calls, I now have my nutritionist appt set and my anesthisiologist consult the same day... (both less than a week away)....
wow.. this is finally happening.
I am nervous but I am excited as well.
I still have alot of questions.
sigh..
I am SO SO SO SO happy!
Now I got to tell my boss. lol
More later.............
August 30th, 2005
Well if at least one thing didnt go right I would be worried... *GRIN*
I received a call from my surgeon's office.
Apparently something has happened with my surgeon's schedule and she is moving people around.
So now my surgery is on October 7th at 7:30 am. Well one good thing is that I am still approved and everything seems in order... just post-poned by 3 weeks.
So now I wait. I do have my anethesiologist and dietician appt on thursday Sept 1st... so that will still proceed as planned.
I am still on my way...
Sept 19th, 2005
Sigh... It has been a while since my last update.
I am exhausted.. I have 18 days until my surgery. I have gone through every test, every form filled out and every procedure completed and the one last thing is having this stupid form filled out for my work. You see, I have no vacation built up, I have no sick days really and I do not qualify for FMLA nor do I qualify for Short Term Disability until I am out of work for more than 31 days, (and I was never planning on being out of work that long anyways.)
So what that means is that I have talked to my boss and his boss and they have agreed for me to work from home after my surgery. Work from home means working on my laptop while relaxing in my recliner. I was told that I need a note from my doctor to say it is okay for me to do that from home. Dr. Lidor is okay with signing the form and writing the note saying it is okay for me to work from home after the surgery..
Now.. I am being told that I absolutely can not come back to the office unless my surgeon releases me to full duty.
My work says.. because I am out for a personal illness and not a work related injury, they will not allow me to come back to the office under light duty at all.
Which is pretty stupid considering I am an administrative assistant and my job description entails me working from a desk all day long.
So I am calling the head of the HR department for our parent company, Constellation Energy.
I am going to educate them on how this is effecting me.
I know that everyone is going to tell me that I should take my time at home recovering and that I am going to be too sore and too weak to go back to work.
Unfortunately... that is a luxury that I can not afford. On the one hand.. I can do my job just as well sitting at home as I can at my office sitting in my chair... so whats the point of staying home?
I work in an office with me and one other person. It is not like I am putting myself in any more danger than I am by sitting at home.
So I thought it is a good comprimise.. I stay home for the first week and then start actually going into work the following week. Work is after all only 10 minutes from my house.
So this red tape and all these hoops that my company's internal medical department is having me jump through is stressing me out more than the actual surgery is.
The second major issue for me right now is this-
I went to my nutritionist appointment and I sat with her and talked about everything.
The really big thing is that I feel like everything that I learned and talked about with her has gone right out of my head.
I need to get someone to just give me a list... a check list of what I need to buy. What protein, what calcium, what vitamins,....
I know all this.. I should know all this.....
Am I just freaking out? I just am not feeling prepared enough.
I also do not feel very comfortable that I will know how or when to eat.
Can anyone else relate??? I dont know. I guess I just am needing to vent.......
10-05-05
There are SOOO many people that have responded to me and offered me so many great words of wisdom that it would be hard to thank everyone.. but a few of you have been extra special... Denise, Karen, Terry to name a few. Thank You!!!!
I can say that I am less than 48 hours away from being "POST-OP"!
Doesnt that sound kinda like a secret government agency?? Like some special task force?? I am a member of the Elite Post-Ops!
Lets see..what do I want to rant about today?
So I have heard some people who are having their surgery this month may be feeling guilty for making this decision to have the surgery. They feel like they are taking the easy way out.. being lazy.. and not having enough will power to make any changes any other way.
Based on my personal thought processes...and my observations... that is society talking. To the average person on the outside looking in... this surgery may seem like a quick fix.. like a simple solution to a problem that someone has not seriously addressed previously. To me.. it couldnt be further from that.
Initially, you all may have heard the modern day parable about the person in the flood.? The guy says god will provide so he winds up refusing all attempts of being rescued.... dies.. and asks God why He ignored his faith in Him and why He let him drown. God answered... "I sent you a truck... a boat.. and a helicopter.. what more did you want?" ?
To me.. that exactly what the surgery is.. a tool being offered to help save my life. If I dont take this chance... and seize this oportunity... how remorseful would I be later on in life when I am on my last breathe of life at the age of 50? or 40 or 35 for that matter.....?
Point is.. I don't feel the least bit guilty for this decision... I am grateful for the opportunity that has presented itself to allow me make some life altering changes. If someone else doesn't understand the long decision making process that has taken to reach this point... it is too bad. I dont have the time or the energy right now to focus on making them feel okay with my decision. I need to be okay with it... I am the one going through this ultimately. So my advice to others... be okay with your own decision.. walk with confidence and others will walk beside you.
I had to reconcile within my own heart that this was the right decision for me. I had to decide if I had enough of the ultimate failures with everything else I had tried. I had to decide if my current health warranted even making any long term plans... I may not be around long enough to even see them come into play so why bother. I had to decide that I was tired of feeling defeated.
Am I scared of the surgery? yeah. Am I scared of the thought of having a heart attack going up a flight of stairs more? You bet!!
I am so ready for this... I FINALLY FINALLY FINALLY quit smoking!!!!
I have tried everything to quit.. the one thing that made a difference...? Knowing that I couldnt have the surgery if I didnt. What a motivator that has been for me...
I couldn't be doing this if it weren't for the support and the encouragement of my family and my friends. This I know is true with all my heart... but.....
I would not have the volume of support and the level of encouragement I do if I didn't already posses the personal conviction of my decision.
I have researched.. I have planned.. I have questioned even my own motives and expectations throughout this process but all along the way.. even with my fumblings.. I have remained ultimately determined.
Its weird.. I am on the edge of completing one the most.. if not THE single most important change of my entire life... and I am surprisingly calmer than I thought I would be at this point. I think I have moved into the point of acceptance. It is now a matter of fact... no longer is it simple conjecture. I am truly awestruck by the fact that the surgery is so close.. it is coming to be truly more and more climatic and exhilerating each hour that passes. I do have all these last minute things to do which is seeming to keep me preoccupied and busy enough to not run amock... Cause we all know how running amock can be cofusing and tiring...
Anyways.. I have exceeded my quota for the week.. I will keep you all posted.. and as I said before ..
THANK YOU TO EVERYONE FOR ALL YOUR SUPPORT!!!
~J~
About Me
Before & After
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