Buyer's Remorse

Dec 27, 2011

I'm feeling really sorry for myself right now, and I hate that, because I know I really have no right to.  Compared to some my recovery is going well...but being a pessimist I'm always looking at the worst case scenario.  I'm having weird pains in my body and I'm getting myself sick with worry, crying all the time, stressing out myself and my family, and I feel like the one outlet I had is gone (food).  I'm not really sad that I can't eat...I just want to stop stressing out and being scared that I'm doing the wrong thing or that things are going wrong....What if I eat too much and bust my staples?? What if I have a leak?? How will that affect my family?? What will I do financially?? What if I don't make it?? What if I fail at this surgery??  What if this does not improve my life but makes it worse?? Will I ever enjoy food again??  These questions are constantly going through my head and i'm so tired of even thinking.  I just want to fast forward through time a little bit to a point when this gets better. 

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