Feeling pressured and disgusted

Apr 12, 2009

Today, I am at work.  I woke up this morning and got on the scale.  I haven't lost an ounce ... in fact I have gained a pound.  I am not sure why my body is rebelling. 

I went shopping this weekend.  I had a really rough time.  I tried on clothes and I am in between sizes and my giant belly looks like I am pregnant! It seems like my upper body and legs are getting trimmer much faster than my disgusting stomach (of which I have always hated!!).  I look like I swallowed a beach ball.  I wonder if I am bi-polar??  sometimes I love myself and feel like I look great ... but my other bitchy personality tells me that I am fat now and will always be fat, no matter how hard I try.

My brain keeps telling me that  I have come a long way and to give myself a break, but the rest of me is not listening.  I guess I just need to suck it up, pull up my big girl panties and deal with it!!!!!

I will write again when my head is in the right place.

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