Tara0223
I have finally made the decision to go ahead with the gastric sleeve. I am scheduled on Jan 21st and time is going by fast with all the holiday destractions! I am scared, anxious, excited and just want to get surgery over with and get on with my life. I have never posted on any sites, dont even facebook but I felt like I wanted to be able to look back at this journey I am on and really remember where I came from so here goes... I hope I follow through with updates. I feel like I have been a butterfly stuck in a cage for most of my adult life and if I could have changed things without surgery I would have- it wasnt that I didnt try. You name it I have tried it. I have lost over 100 lbs twice in my life only to have gained it back and then some, not to mention the 25,35,40 pound lost roller coaster that I can never seem to keep off. I know how to lose weight, I have just never mastered keeping it off. I feel like it is part to some unresolved child stuff but since it can never be resolved it keeps me trapped with emotions I dont want. So I guess I "stuff" the feelings more than I should(obviously!) :-( so so FRUSTERATING!!! I have a beautiful healthy 7 year old daughter that I want to be a better role model for. I want to be the mommy thats skates and rides bikes with her instead of just watching her. I want to take her to the beach without feeling so self-conscious that we never go. I want my husband to look at me the way he used to...I want to ride roller coasters without worrying that the weight limit alarms will go off when I sit down... I want to fly without worrying if 1. I can fit in the seat and 2. if I will be able to get the seatbelt closed... I feel like this surgery is my only way out and this point so I am willing. I am looking forward to being the woman I always knew I could be- the one God created me to be. FINALLY!!! 2011- here I come!
