tennis-guru-girl
Reflections on a 1 year anniversary
Aug 01, 2011
Hello my long lost blog!Wow, it is crazy how fast time flies! It is August 1st and one year ago I was sitting in a private room on the 4th floor of CDH barely eating anything as I was just a few days post-op. Today I played competitive tennis, worked up a great sweat, taught enthusiastic little kids, lifted, shopped for healthy veggies, and enjoyed a glass of Pinot Grigio. I'm down almost 100 pounds from my very heaviest, back when I went for my first consult appointment. I really haven't moved on the scale in six months. But, the fact that I haven't moved is actually really fine for now.
I'm feeling GREAT! I feel strong, healthy, balanced, energized, and blessed. I've been really upping my veggie intake and I probably eat 10 cucumbers a week. I love cucumbers now - it is like my go-to snack food. I've even gotten into making my own veggie juice. It is pretty awesome!
I just had my thyroid tests come back and I'm still running low. This is the third time this past year that it is showing that I'm slow. That might be part of what is causing the plateau. I just recently increased my synthroid as a result.
For a while, at the beginning of the summer, I was simply dragging I was so tired. Then I picked up my tennis teaching schedule, reconnected with a whole bunch of my tennis people who I hadn't seen in years, got back into the Chamber of Commerce group that I used to love, and started playing tennis for fun! Thank God/Buddha for my friends this summer. They have reminded me of who I am now that I can run around a lot better.
I attended a wedding - with a date! I shopped in the normal size dress department for a really flattering purple dress that got a whole lot of compliments. My hair color keeps changing too. I don't know what I am now, bronde? The summer sun has really done a number on it. I've been swimming too, so that doesn't help the hair either.
I've repaired and grown my friendships at work. My Dad asked me if I thought that my overall social life improvement is because of the weight loss. I said I think so. I was so unhappy being so heavy. I'm still heavy now. I'd like to drop an additional 40-60 pounds. But at over 300 lbs, I was miserable. I really really want to get below 200. That is something that I haven't seen in six years - and the last time I dropped there it was so temporary.
I've been so grateful for little things. I'm wearing a lot of my old workout/tennis clothes. There are some things that I still don't fit into, but for the most part I've visited parts of my old closet that are ten years old. Some of the elastic on my old sports bras is so old that it just crumbled when I pulled that on. I'm weeding things out: the too big, the too old, the what-was-I-thinking stuff?
I'm back to being on my own. My sister lived with me for a while. That was nice because she and I were able to reconnect like never before. She was simply in limbo, now that she isn't, I hardly see her. While she was here, I did end up having to put my really old, cancer-ridden cat to sleep. Last summer I had to put my cat into foster care since I was going to be MIA with all the medical stuff. I got her back about this time and then realized that she was really sick with thyroid cancer. I put her to sleep at the end of January. My sister's cat moved in with us, a nice step-up for that cat from living with my sister's ex. When my sister moved out, it was only a short matter of time before I adopted my new pets: two kittens. The brother and sister, Mittens and Mia, have really helped to bolster my spirits. It is really hard to feel depressed about anything with sweet, funny, and affectionate kittens pawing at you!
Getting back into the community is another thing that has really helped me more than anything else. I reconnected with my tennis world and that has been simply amazing! I'm so plugged into the scene and have embraced a life that I thought was gone at this point a year ago. Now I hit almost each day. I'm hitting better than I've hit in probably ten years. I don't move as gracefully as I used to, but I'm hitting so clean it is awesome! My former players, now college kids and older, are looking me up and visiting with me. We hit, we hit the bar, we catch up on our lives. I'm so impressed with "my kids" as I now see the wonderful and talented young adults they are becoming. They have told me that they are so happy to see me getting healthy and looking happy.
The business networking is great too. I reconnect with the Mayor after being absent from that scene for the past three years. My young professionals group is almost all new faces. I'm one of maybe three or four of the original members now. It is fine as I'm meeting a lot of new people. They find my "career" interesting as I'm the only teacher in the whole bunch. While I'm on the older side of that age range, it is nice to be involved in Naperville so much again. In getting back to tennis, I think I'll be going back to teaching indoors throughout the winter too. That will help my bank account, but it will also help keep me busy. I have found that the more I keep myself locked into a busy schedule, the better. I make much better use of my time.
I have not kept up with writing, blogging, and reading as much as I used to, but I had to prioritize. Being active is the most important thing for me right now. If that means that I don't sit and type as much so be it. I did read a whole lot of books on nutrition. I'm trying to re-vamp my diet for ultimate nutrition. I'm using superfoods. I've been spending a lot of money on organic, fresh foods. I think I actually spend more now than I did when I was overeating. The stuff I get now is really good. I buy fresh fruits and veggies about three times a week. I don't eat a lot of processed stuff. I can really tell when I do eat something processed - there is a certain taste to that now that I'm not fond of. I sense the salt mostly. I know I still really need to keep drinking the water. I've probably been dehydrated for most of the summer. I'm sweating pounds of water weight each day. Then, I eat something and BAM, it is back!
The working out is good. I've had my college guys pushing me there. They are always positive and encouraging. It is the best! I've even worked a little on my basketball because of being there. I have to say, in the most plutonic way, I love those guys! They push me, remind me that I hit "like a guy", that I've meant so much to them, and that I'm "awesome"! When I hit the gym, they are right there making sure I don't slack. When it is 8 or 9 at night, they are there hitting under the lights with me and running my ass corner to corner with tough shots. I'm really going to miss them when they all head back to their various schools. What a blessing they are in my life at this point where and when I'm feeling better and want to do more.
Back in March I went on Match.com. That has probably been the strangest thing. I created a profile and listed myself as full figured. I didn't know what that meant, but it sounded right. Within a couple of days I had a bunch of guys write me to say that photo didn't look full figured. They said that meant "seriously obese" and I should just list "a few extra pounds". What a shock. I mean for a long while I was full figured by the very definition of the online dating community. The fact that I should classify myself as "a few extra pounds" seems so shocking. I'm still heavy by my own and all official medical standards, but I'm not so heavy that the prospect of dating seems so impossible. Nonetheless, I have not gone on a single online date. I haven't really liked any of the prospects. I'm just throwing my money away there. It is funny, but I really don't feel safe dating as of now. I'm so nervous that I'll be rejected still and I don't want any negative setbacks as I am making all of these positive strides forward.
Okay, RNY-wise, I've had some dumping every now and then. Anytime I eat too much of something sweet it gets me. No ice cream, no frosting on cake, no sweets in general. I can have "a bite" - but that is about it. I also do feel full - like right now it is 11:00 p.m. and I've had the same salad sitting out for over an hour because I got full. I find that I throw out a lot of food because I still make my portions too large. I just listen to my body and stop when I am full. Otherwise, I'm eating pretty much whatever I want. I simply try to make my choices healthy ones.
While it has been mostly good, there are times where I'm so frustrated that I haven't been a better success story. I was so hoping to be much lower on the scale by now. I wanted to simply WOW the shit out of people. I don't think my weight "stabilization" is a failure, but I do catch myself getting negative that I'm not below 200. I had all of these grand scenarios for my mega weight loss. I was going to be some super-sexy lady. Instead, the reality is that I'm healthier than I've been in years. While I say that is the better outcome than the sexy factor, I do catch myself being "a girl" about stuff: my thighs are still so jiggly, I think my face is too round, why do I still have back fat?
It is in moments like that when I have to really take stock in what this whole process has done for my world. I'm more myself now than I've been in years. If I want to hit, I hit. If I want to ride my bike, I can go for miles. If I eat too much, I feel it and stop! That last bit is EXACTLY what I needed. It is what reminds me to be smart!
Well the kittens are eating my monster cables for my stereo. I'll hopefully check back when I break my 200 goal! Good luck to you all!!!
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About Me
Aurora, IL
Location
33.5
BMI
Surgery
07/29/2010
Surgery Date
Aug 08, 2010
Member Since
