Valerie V.
How does one find the words to sum up their life? I struggle with how my life is on a daily basis... so how I see as my life today may seem like it should belong to someone else the next. I have tried to live one day at time because I have dealt with some major issues. However, I find it hard to deal with my weight. I don't remember being a fat kid. All I know is what I was told by my family. I was so porky as a baby that no one could find shoes to fit me. Because of this, I was dubbed La Gorda ( the fat one). I eventually shed my baby fat but the nickname stuck like glue.
I know I was thin as kid because times were rough growing up. On a daily basis, I was dished out all kinds of hell. I had to deal everything from sexual abuse to going hungry. I didn't dream of ponies, butterflies, or of Prince Charming. My dreams were of hiding, being hurt, and eating. I remember dreaming about the Trix Rabbit bringing me a bowl of cereal and skipping along the sidewalk with Ronald McDonald with a promise of a meal after we played. For a long time, my only meals came from those served at school. Because this was my only meal of the day, I would eat everything the other kids didn't want. I would have tray after tray passed down to me so I could eat the gross stuff... but I swore was better than cream gravey.
Well by the time I reach High School things seem to calm down and I felt what I thought was"normal", whatever that means. I began to date, go out with my friends, and be a regular kid. I eventually meant my 1st husband and my life changed. He introduced me to a side of life that I never knew exsisted because it involved food, something that was not what I was used to. This new world consisted of things I only tasted but couldn't indulge in like, chips, cookies, ice cream and dining out... which was mostly fast food. By the time I was 20, I was 75 lbs overweight.
Well he is gone along with the big demons of my past. It took a trip down suicide lane to make me see things in a different light. It has taken me a long time to fix all the broken parts of me. Through it all, I have had food there to keep me going. I found comfort in it when I hurt the most. Now I see it hurt me too. I have tried to shed the pounds but it has been a struggle for me, so here I am.
I don't know what the future holds but I know who holds the future, me.... I can't say if I will be able to have WLS. However, I can say that I will do my best to try. I realize how this may seem an extreme way to lose weight to some people.... but who cares! I am doing this for myself and those who mean the most to me... my husband and kids.
