I am sooooo excited....this morning I got on the scale--after a three day "stall" and had lost a couple pounds, which means....

I HAVE LOST 101 POUNDS SINCE MY SURGERY 4 MONTHS & 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!

Wow---such a great feeling.  I had to do a 2-day pre-op diet & I weighed 293 pounds the morning I started that...today, I weighed 192......so, 101 pounds gone forever!!! 

My next goal will be to get to 189---because that is what I weighed the day of my surgery....then, Dr. Houston's goal for me is 155--that's 37 more pounds...I'd like to stay between 145-155....so, somewhere between 37-47 more pounds to goal & then I will have lost all my excess weight!

I am so happy about this....there are  a million things I should be doing right now, but I just wanted to post this.....I am so thankful.

I have, however, had some new "issues" creeping up that I am concerned about.  It's funny...I watched "Ruby" last night--I don't know if anyone follows that show, but she is a woman who lives in Savannah, Georgia who weighed 700 pounds &, as of last night, weighed in at 333.....she has not had weight loss surgery....she is doing it with diet and exercise, but, last night she touched on a few subjects that made me think.  First, her fears about gaining the weight back & the times she had failed before.  She didn't want to let go of her "big" clothes, because she was afraid she would need them again. 

Now, I have no problem getting rid (quickly) of my big clothes...in fact, I have said g'bye to 24s, 22s, 20s, 18s, 16s, 14s &, soon, 12s.....that is a great thing for me.....but, I have, just recently, started having some fears about not being able to lose any additional weight....of course, today was a relief, because the two pound drop made me feel better, but I am starting to have to change my focus on getting to goal & staying there.  First, it was all about getting approved....I was so focused on that & getting the insurance company to pay for my surgery.  Then, it was being able to follow the plan after surgery & getting all my protein in & my fluids, supplements, etc......

Right now, I am battling a little bit of a sweet tooth and fears that this weight loss will not be long term.  This scares me because sweets were definitely my downfall before surgery....I was a complete sugar addict.  I am not caving into the sweet tooth, because I am terrified of dumping....and I want it to stay that way. But, I notice that instead of eating a piece of cheese or lean protein, I will have a teaspoon--or more--of sugar free cool whip...and I really look forward to it.  It hasn't hurt my weight loss, but, still, I worry that I am going back to bad habits.  I am getting my protein in, for sure, and my fluid & supplements.  But, the other night I even had a sugar free pudding & it was so so so good.......then I wanted another one.  I am worried about that, a little bit.  This is the first experience I have had since surgery where I am actually "craving" things....and especially, since a lot of protein (chicken, etc) still gets "stuck" and I do have to deal with frothing & throwing up a bit....especially if I don't chew enough.....I enjoy things that go down easy....like Crystal Lite Decaf Tea w/lemon (which is fine) and sugar free cool whip & that dang pudding.  I have also had nuts---pistacios, which are high in fat---they are small & I like the salty taste, so I do eat those---not a ton, but sometimes...it gives me a little protein, but it does add quite a few calories to my 600 calorie/day limit & fat, too. 

So, what do I do?  I have already said no more pudding in the house----even if it is sugar free....and I am battling with outlawing SF cool whip---but I haven't been that strong yet---part of me doesn't want to b/c it is really just sugar free cool whip (in the big picture, it's not Cadbury Cream Eggs or cup cakes & I'm not baking Toll House cookies and eating 12 of them in a day)......but, I don't want to slip back into old (bad) habits.....I am trying to think through this all & work it out so I can make good decisions....I guess that's a good place to start.  I'm just starting to realize that I am going to get to goal & I wonder if there is some underlying issue that is making me add things that might hurt my weight loss or if I am just naturally starting to want more/different things because I am 4.5 months out.  If I am sabotaging, I wonder if I should seek therapy...I will admit that I have never, ever been a big believer in therapy-----I feel like I have a great support system & I am able to see problems that I might have & find ways to resolve them on my own so that I have a happy, healthy life.  But, what if, like Ruby, there is some deep underlying issue that is making me want to eat sweets......should I go talk to someone about that or should I just tell myself to stop eating sweets & be done with it....hummmm???

I just don't want to fail & gain this weight back.....
Okay......101 pounds....gone forever!!! xo, M.