Let me introduce myself, Valerie, this is Valerie

Mar 29, 2009

I decided to do something I haven't done in a long time.  I went singing at karaoke.  And with that decision, I decided to return to my life.  Here is what you don't know about me.  I have never (until recently) let my weight stand in my way if I wanted to do something.  I have been white water rafting, parachuted out of an airplane (yes a perfectly good one at that), I love to travel, alone if no one else can go and a roller coaster is just about the most fun you can have in 1 minute.  And I have been doing karaoke for about 17 years. 
     A few years ago, I lost a lot of weight.  I did it healthily by eating right and exercising.  I did 5k races, Jazzercise and even trained for the Walt Disney 1/2 marathon-finishing it in 3 hrs 31 mins 10 sec.  Everyone congratulated me on doing so well, said I was looking wonderful and how proud they were of me.  But not long after the 1/2 marathon I started gaining weight.  First it was just a couple of pounds, then I had to buy new pants, then new tops, bras, underwear, and even shoes.  Next thing you know I have put every pound back on.  And with each pound I put on I was embarrassed, ashamed, sad, upset that I did it again.  And I withdrew some.  But I still went to karaoke with my best friends, at least twice a week.  Then they moved to Atlanta.  And that gave me an excuse not to go out for a while.  One month turned into 6 months which turned into a year.  Wow, after singing karaoke for 17 years with missing very few weekends to one year of not singing.  I would tell people "After that long I needed a break".  That was not the real reason.  I was too ashamed that I had gained the weight back.  I didn't want to see the look in peoples eyes that said tsk, tsk...look at her.  couldn't manage to keep the weight off.  More than likely that look was only in my minds eyes but that was what I saw.  So for the last couple of years I haven't done much of anything other than hanging out at my home, watching movies with my two best friends-Ben and Jerry's (now my ex-friends).  I disengaged from my life.  I now realize that I was functioning depressed.  
    Now that I have had my gastric bypass, I am feeling physicaly better, my self esteem is getting a boost, my desire to interact with the world outside of work has been elevated.  And I did something I haven't done in a long time.  I went and sang karaoke.  Fortunately, there were some friends that I haven't seen since the last time I went and they hugged me and welcomed me back "home".  I sang some songs and got a round of applause that I haven't heard in a long time.  And I accepted their kudos not just for my singing, but also their acceptance of me as a person.  
    Valerie, this is Valerie.....Welcome back! 

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