varedhead1

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Ok let's see in 2 years I have lost 115lbs and managed by the Grace of God to keep it off!  I still struggle from day to day in watching what I eat and when I get on the scale (which is on a daily basis) and see that it has went up a pound I get terrified!  I love that I had this surgery and what a difference it has made in my life!  I go and do things that 2 years ago would not have even dared to do.  I have so much more energy now.  I know that my marriage is better and stronger than it ever was.  With me being happier with myself I tend to treat my husband a whole lot better and appreciate him more for putting up with me when I was soooo miserable!  I have tried to stay grounded and in reality.  Surgery is not a miracle cure.  You truly have to work at this.  I went into this with the notion that I would not be able to eat that much ever again therefore I will never gain my weight back.  Oh this is so not true.  I have days where I could eat the refrigerator.  On those days I choose to eat exceptionally healthy.  On the days my tool is working overtime I eat what I want just a whole lot less of it!  But I can eat whatever I want.  I do not have dumping - I can do sugar and truth be told carbs go down a whole lot easier than good healthy food for me.  When I eat carbs, which should be a dirty word they do bring me down/slow me down.  I feel lazy - but when I am eating healthy food I feel my best.  And actually healthy food is not all bad like I used to think.  I now LOVE salads, nuts, cheese.  I never liked those things before surgery.  I try everything now.  Before surgery I would not try anything - I was super picky and always wanted junk food/fast food and unhealthy foods. I don't pretend to be the perfect post op because I know that I am not.  I am trying to live life to it's fullest and take it one day at a time.  This is the best gift that I have ever been given and it is irreplaceable!  

I have had my share of struggles as well along this journey.  In the beginning I got very sick and felt like I was walking around in labor a lot of the time.  They blamed it on my gall bladder so they removed it, only after I was off the pain medication I was still walking around with the very same pain.  I really thought that I was going to feel like that for the rest of my life when they finally diagnosed me with an ulcer.  I never knew they could be that painful.  With medication that was taken care of and still flares up from time to time but it is manageable now.  I have the loose skin and flaps under my arms and around my knees, my belly looks awful and my face sags, oh and the worst is my breasts have fallen to my flappy knees!  But this is a trade I am willing to live with.  I am not ready and don't know if I will ever be ready for any kind of plastics.  This is who I am now and I am learning to live with these flaws.  I would much rather live with my flapping skin than to go back being the miserable unhealthy person that I once was.  

Anyway, I know I have not updated in a while but wanted to put in writing some of the things that have all been part of my fantastic journey for the last 2 years.  I am blessed and know that and don't ever want to forget where I started from.   

Well tomorrow will be my 1 year surgiversary!  I am excited and proud to say I am holding at 149 of course it fluctuates 1 to 2 lbs in either direction on any given day and that is all I will allow.  I love my life and love this gift that I have been given.  I am not embarrassed or afraid to do anything.  I love going out with my husband now and was truly holding him back with my insecurities before.  I look back and really don't know how he put up with me as miserable as I was.  He has supported me in this 100% and he is now reaping some of the benefits.  He also acknowledges how much happier I am.  I enjoy going into a store and trying clothes on now, whereas before I just purchased them and brought them home and if they did not fit I had to carry them back.  I love looking in the mirror now - hated to even catch a glimpse of myself this time last year.  There are so many things I want to do that I could not or would not do before.  I have not been camping with my husband for a long time so we are getting ready to go on a camping trip soon.  We have gone to a couple of concerts and I have enjoyed them.  I took my grand kids to the zoo and it was great. 
It has not all been easy.  After my surgery I did really well for about 4 months and then I started getting sick.  Stomach pains that had me feeling as if I was in labor.  It got pretty bad for a while.  I went for 2 CT scans an upper GI and last but not least a stomach ultrasound where they found gall stones.  Had the gall bladder out and was still walking around in pain before they finally diagnosed me with an ulcer.  Wow that small little purple pill was all it took to make me feel like I was back in the land of the living!  I was getting very discouraged and regretting the surgery if I had to walk around sick for the rest of my life.  But, that was what it was and I am better now! 
I have so much to be grateful for.  I am blessed with a truly great family, very supportive husband and awesome friends.  They have all stuck by me throughout this life changing process.  Without them I don't know if I would have ever taken this step.   I will continue to Thank the Good Lord Above for carrying me through this.  I have a renewed confidence in myself and I am proud of me for a change!  I can honestly say through it all if I had to do it over again I would in a heart beat.  I asked my husband if he knew 1 year ago what he knows today would he have been as supportive and he also has no regrets as he got his wife back!  My only thing now is to maintain this level of healthful happiness.   I am still trying to lose weight but am happy where I am and if more wants to come off then great.  My doctor said that my body will know when to stop so...we will see.  One last thing - I want to Thank Everybody on OH that has also given me the support when I needed it and information etc... this is a great place and I recommend it to anybody I know that is even considering or has been through any wls or is battling weight issues.

Wow - yesterday was my 6th month mark!  I cannot believe it.  To be honest I thought this would be an overnight process and that cannot be further from the truth.  I am totally convinced it was the right decision for me to have this surgery as now I feel so much healthier and happier than I have been in years, but it has been a work in progress.  I am learning to eat healthier and make better decisions and exercising but have had to work for every pound.  It has all been so worth it.  I started out my highest weight was 262 I now weigh 178 - that is down 84 pounds in 6 months.  I never could have done that on my own so for my new tool I am totally grateful!  My family, friends and OH have been part of the keys to my success as well.  I remember starting this journey and reading only the posts that people have lost 100's of pounds and set myself up for the feeling of failure because I was not losing at that rate.  I do believe this journey is what we make of it.  I have not had any eating issues whatsoever, I do not dump and rarely feel full and for that it makes it that much more difficult.  My doctor does not push the protein thing, he says I should be able to get enough protein from my meals, but I must admit what I have found in tracking my food that I do not get it in with food alone.  I drink my protein on occasion when I see that I need more but it is difficult to get it from food alone.  I am a water drinker and do not have an issue getting in my water at all.  Anyway, just wanted to post that I have made it 6 months and pray that the next 6 months will be just as productive as my first.  All in all, I am happy, healthy and still losing!! I am determined to have a normal BMI within the next 6 months!

Thank you all on OH for giving me the encouragement that I need and who just plain tell the truth when we really need to hear it!!

Well, I had all 3 of my grandchildren this weekend.  My grandbabies are 3, 2 and 4 months old.  One of the reasons I had this surgery was to have more energy to be able to run behind them.  Well, I have succeeded!  They are full of energy and so am I!!  Yes, having said that - it is Sunday and I am winding down and wore out.  But by the Grace of God, I pretty much kept up with them.  I am feeling great.  My weightloss is still slow going and I fight for every single pound, but have learned to eat healthier and make healthier choices.  I will not say I always eat what is right but I do strive to make wise choices.  Of course my husband can eat whatever he wants and that sometimes makes it difficult and I know there are a lot of you out there with this same issue.  Our support group meets tomorrow night and I am looking forward to seeing everybody.  I am greatful to everyone out there on the OH website but also to have a great support network here at home!  Well, will be back again soon to update!  Bring on the Spring:)

I know it has been a while since I posted anything out here.  I just wanted to fill everybody in.  As of yesterday I am down 60 pounds - wooo hoo!!  I have had it very easy considering.  I have not been sick accept for one time I tried to eat peanut butter toast and it got stuck - have not eaten bread since and probably won't ever again.  Don't ever want that feeling again.  I do get concerned because I can eat just about anything and not get sick and this does include chocolate chip cookies (I ate 2 at Christmas).  I think everything in moderation is ok as long as you don't over do.  I do not get a full feeling but force myself to stop eating for fear of getting sick.  I want that full feeling but the shrink that I have to see for the surgery asked me if I was satisfied with what I eat and actually to be honest I am.  So she thinks there should be no issue as long as I am satisfied.  I have to retrain the way I think cause I believe you should feel full every time you eat!  I do excersice - probably not as much as I should but I do try! 
I have a new grandson and he is just another light in my life.  That makes 3 now - 2 girls and one boy.  I am truly blessed!  I have had no regrets having the GB surgery and would recommend it to anyone. 
I will try to update my pictures soon - I see a tremendous difference especially in my face.  I have a tremendous support network and would advise everyone who has the surgery to try and find a network of reinforcements.  The encouragement you get is so helpful.  Everyone in the OH family are just as helpful and necessary for success!  I have my moments when I get antsy for not losing weight and get scared and I get on here and read about people who are going through the same things and can validate my feelings.  I have not lost a pound since Jan 1st and truly was feeling like a total loser, but the doctor reassured me that this is going to happen and to leave my scale alone, however I am a scale junkie and don't think I can do that!  Anyway, just wanted to update a little bit and will get pics up as soon as I can.  Thank you all and I am truly greatful to everyone on here for sharing your stories - the good, the bad and the ugly - they really help me on a daily basis!!

Well, Im home and everything went well.  Thank you everybody for your thoughts and prayers!  I need more prayers now, I am hungry and the liquids are not cutting it.  I know I have heard this on here before.  Any ideas how to get past this easier please share!  My husband has been super man trying to answer to my every whimper but sometimes you just need to be left alone and I cant say anything!  I love him sooo much!  Anyway please send me any of your ideas - thanks!

Well, Monday I am supposed to start the Atkins seriously which I have been doing for about 2 weeks and it hasnt been bad.  I am however taking the weekend off and not over eating just taking a break before the real thing.  I am just feeling a little scared and nervous and keep asking myself if I am doing the right thing.  I just want to be healthy and live a long healthy life.  I know I thought about this wls for a long time and have read everything I could find on it and I see that 99% of the people on here who have had it do not regret it, I am just a little overwhelmed by it all at this point.  I know I will be fine once I get to the other side - I guess I just need a little reassurance at this point.  I was so excited about all of this and now that it's really happening I am getting nervous.   I have a really strong support system (2) great friends who are going through this at the same time and my very supportive husband and I am truly greatful for them! I am glad that OH exists as well so I have a place to put my thoughts into words. Anyways...I just wanted to vent a little - hope everyone is enjoying this pretty weekend we are having so far (NC) the weather is great today - not to hot not to cold and have the windows open for a little fresh air...

I have a surgery date - October 14th!  Wow - that seems so far away and I really am tired of wishing my time away, so I guess I am going to try and enjoy the next 6-7 weeks.  I have been doing the Atkins and have lost 7 pounds so far so if I can stick with it.  I have been on the eliptical every day for a little bit of time each day trying to make my surgery just a little bit easier on myself.  Ok - I am taking a time out at work just wanted to make this post!!

Let me change the previous blog entry - the insurance people extended my date to Oct 14th therefore I just assumed that would be my surgery date, however the hospital called to the $$$$  and my actual official surgery date is Oct. 6th so one week less now!  Scarier and scarier the closer it gets!

OK - well I called BCBS today and I have been approved!  So now I am waiting for the hospital to call and for all the paperwork to get finished to get scheduled.  This process is enough to work on your nerves.  I don't understand how the insurance works but BCBS told me they have only approved me thru Sept. 24th but I know that my doctor is not going to be doing surgery the month of Sept. so I am not sure what will happen with that.  I was already shooting for an October date and I don't believe it's going to get moved up - I guess they will have to re-submit it.  Who knows but I just wanted to share in my excitement!!!  WOOOO HOOOO - I am on my way to the losers bench finally

Okay - so I had my surgeon appointment with my husband there and everything went well.  The paperwork has been sent to the insurance and now we play another waiting game.  Hopefully BCBS will not drag their feet, but even so I found out that it will be October some time as my doctor will not be there the month of September.  Anyway, that will give me time to prepare etc... at least now I know what to expect as before I was not sure what to expect.  I am getting ready to start the atkins as that is supposed to help me prepare for the surgery and maybe make me feel better along the way.  I need to cut the carbs out now anyway -

Oh well - will update once I get the approval or denial from BCBS - hopefully the approval!