waitingtoexhale50
Growing up I have always remembered that I had a large bottom from the six grade. Kids would pick on me because of that. I will never when I was graduating from the 6th grade an old man driving along said to me as I walked to school, "you have the behind of a mack truck". I never knew what he meant until I got under and actually saw one. I was wearing pants at that time and I vowed to myself to never wear pants again, so I did not, I wore dresses up until 5 years ago. I told myself that I was a big person. I was picked on in school and people pulled many pranks on me because of my size. This of course made me feel uncomfortable.
I remember being in junior high school where they would put tacks in my chair to see if I would bust. (how horrible that was for me at the time) My classmates would laugh at me and it was the most embarrasing moment for me. All through High School, I was teased about my size. When I became pregnant at the age of 16, I continued to gain weight in my lower extremities and I tried to hide the fact that I was pregnant. I had my second child and I was still gaining my weight. I remember starving myself trying to lose weight and I do remember losing the weight but not where I wanted to. Becoming discouraged I would just eat and continue to eat, but then I would try to keep my children from being overweight, so I kinda had to cut back some. I did this for awhile. While being in an abusive marriage with a jealous ex-husband, I became very stressed and depressed and the weight continued on.
After my divorce I continued to raise my children as a single mom and try to take care of them and forgot about myself. By the time they were 18 years old, my weight was out of control. I will never forget going to my PCP and she would always, always tell me that I was morbidly obese, of course this crushed me. First of all I knew I was overweight and I did not need for her to bash it into my head everytime I went to see her. That was mental abuse to me, so I eventually switched doctors cause I was constantly gaining weight and it was in my mindset that I was morbidly obese.
When my children were grown I was constantly going on diets and trying different boot camps and I was actually successful at one exercise place, I lost 70 lbs!!! Wow that was a lot and I was truly amazed at myself, felt better and everything. But two years ago I started have a bout of migraine headaches and while on my way to work, my left side gave out on my while I was driving on the freeway coming to work. I went to the Emergency and they ran all kinds of tests on me to find out I have the type of migraines that can cause strokes, so they put me on anti-depressants. I probably don't have to put this here, but within one week I had gained 10 lbs and i was crushed. I immediately called my doctor and said, these pills are causing me to gain weight, so she changed my medication and put me on more and from that point on the weight went up and not down. I ended up going to physical therapy for my back cause I have degenerative joint disease and talking with the therapist she mentioned that she specialize in head, neck and pain injury. So I told her my story and I had therapy with her after I finished my back therapy and have not had a migraine since. Still have the medication but I haven't really needed it since, so I take it as needed.
Then last year i took a trip to Myrtle beach for a week and got sick, my legs were hurting me so bad, I was in excruiating pain and had to go to emergency when i got back home. They first told me it was my achilles tendon, then they told me it was shin splints. Then I ended up getting a blood clot in my ankle (thank God it was the superficial vein) but it was very very painful. After visiting over 4 doctors they could not figure out what was going on with me and this went on for six months only to tell me you have a meniscus tear in the knee and a spur behind the knee. Well it had me to the point where I could barely walk, move, stand, drive, the whole nine yards. So of course I had to get physical therapy for my legs.. Physical therapy has not helped because of my weight. The surgeon wanted me to loose weight, and plus have knee surgery to remove the torn meniscus, but since I am in so much pain at least 24 hours a day, i am unable to exercise the way that I used to. It has caused me a great deal of stress so I have not be able to lose weight. I tell you I have tried everything and it has gotten harder. If you are in pain, you can't think of anything else but how to get some relief, so my focus has been really off.
I have been praying and praying about being in pain and getting some relief and then it hit me one day about having the weight loss surgery. It did not make sense to me to have knee surgery when I still needed to lose weight. I had always said that I did not want to have that type of surgery but since then things has changed, so this is in my heart to do. I just want my health and strength back, to be stronger, in less pain, be able to exercise and do the things that I used to do. I don't know what the future holds for me, but I do know who holds my future. I am praying my way through this. I have six months to get this thing right and I am determined to do just that. It has gotten hard for me these past few days, but I will win.
