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**Onelander at last**

Mar 25, 2008

Hi everyone!! I would have been on here sooner to post a very special WOW moment, but my puter was in the shop. Anyway, on Feb 18th, for the first time in my memory: I HIT ONELANDER!!!

I am also wearing 16s and 14s now!! Never have had that memory either. Being able to shop in the juniors section blows my mind.  Keeping up OR in front of my family when we are walking or hiking together-and I DONT HAVE TO STOP EVERY 5 FEET!!! Its amazing! I am having a lot of health problems-with bones and joints, but I have to say that everything else in life is at the best its ever been for me. I dont regret that I had the surgery, altho I have days I just feel so frustrated for having lost 247# now-I am down to 191# and am almost 5'9, so I am tall, anyway, the frustration comes in when I cant do the things Ive worked so hard to be able to do-because my back hurts so badly. I have good days and I have bad days and on the good days-like the day I put on my  hubbys sz 34 levis and they fit-thats a good day LOL...or knowing I am only 17# heavier than my hubby-and he is small for a guy....good days. Bad days-are the days my back hurts so bad that I just cry because I have come this far-just to feel like I am a prisoner again-instead of it being because of my weight-its my back now!

Anyway-I just wanted to update everyone. I love hearing from you and your experiences. I pray for all of you pre-op and the things you go through. I remember and I relate.  Take care. Janet

~One Year Surgiversary Today~

Nov 29, 2007

Hi There~

Today is my ONE YEAR SURGIVERSARY~and I am so excited about it. I have only ever been this excited about a day for me, on my anniversary! Today means so much to me. A year ago today I was given a 2nd chance at life-only this time, I didnt know that this would happen within a yr-but I am SO HAPPY!

I have lost (dun, dun....DUN.....) Drumroll PLEASE....227# ~~!!!!~~~!!! 227, 227, 227# WOO HOOOOOO~~~

I have always been more than happy with everything else in my life-but NEVER with myself. For the very first time, in almost 40 yrs of my life-I am TRULY HAPPY WITH ME. I am proud of me! I am content-and I LOVE LIFE. Everything I can do-and the feelings I have. Everything about me changed.

I now have to spend this next year having surgeries-but then, in 2009-I will be good as new! Its then, too-that Mike and I are going on our exotic vacation for our official 10 yr anniversary-and I will be doing fantastic by then..Not in all the pain I am now due to my back and knees. So, I am getting my gallbladder out in the next couple of weeks, having major back surgery in March or April, and then having BOTH knees replaced 6 months after I recouperate from the back surgery.

To all pre-ops who may be reading this and are sick of the wait-ITS WORTH IT...IT WILL BE~Hang in there. Like I said earlier today-its the wildest ride, an emotional journey and the road is really long and bumpy-but in the end, the rewards you feel-inside AND out-are something I still can barely comprehend, thats for sure!! So hang in there-It will get better-I know! I waited for a yr and I was turned down 4 times. It was ALL worth it. If you have any questions-just PM me. I am a good listener and AM ALWAYS willing to talk to anyone who needs me....Good luck to you, no matter where you are in your journey and God Bless!!!  Janet

~9 months out and 189# gone FOREVER!!!~

Aug 30, 2007

Well, my 9 mos was yesterday, and I really meant to post-but I was sick with a stomach flu. I have got to tell you that this ride has been amazing. The WOWs I have experienced have been amazing and I am so exciting about the next 2 big moments for me. One will be losing the next 11#s to have hit the 200# gone mark-and then to hit ONELANDER...I may just make it. Actually, I believe I will-so I KNOW I CAN....Im so excited. I can get into the teens in clothes now-heck, I dont remember the last time I could do that. They arent comfortable yet-but I can get them up-and zipped. YAY for me!! I think the thing that sticks in my head right now the most is (cover your eyes men that may be reading this-LOL) Is the change in my sex life!! Ladies, IF you ever felt like I did before-where you had to have sex in ONE position ALL the time, because of your weight-and were too embaressed or had low self esteem-it all comes back-and it comes back with a vengenance. Not only do you feel better, sexier or whatever you want to call it-but you have the freedom to experiament a bit or a lot-LOL AND its amazing....I had someone (Dawn) tell me, just give it time-YOU will get there-and I doubted her-BIG TIME-and know what? She was right on the money!!! I havent ever been this small with my husband and he is loving it too!! No complaints here at all! So-trust me, IT DOES come back-and you will LOVE IT!!! Promise!  Ok-that being said-its a combination of always being a prisoner because of my fat AND my hormones, but I went through months of not being able to get enough!! My surgeon said its the hormones, and I agree. Anyway-hang in there..... My back-well, I have found out that I need surgery. I have several major issues. I had 4 discs totally gone, 2 that were bulging, that I am sure are gone now too-2 liquid filled cysts ON my spine and a pinched sciatic nerve. I am just waiting for my medicare to take affect to go have the surgery. I am planning on getting the nerves burned in my back in hopes of some sort of relief until March of 2008. Will see. I will post more when I find out more. 

We are 9 days to the 1st annual MO Board reunion in West Branson and I am really looking forward to seeing everyone, getting to know some better and just hanging out with my best buds.

I have also had the pleasure of being an "angel" for some having WLS...I had (in order of their surgeries) Chante, Krissy, Tammy, Erin, Susan, Lynette and just yesterday Rebecca. I have one more to go right now, Trudy-her surgery date is still pending. This has been an awesome blessing to me-to sort of give back or give what I didnt have during my journey until the very end. Im very excited and thrilled and I pray that one day, I will be able to have met AND hugged each and every one of them. I have had the pleasure of meeting Tammy, Susan and Lynette-and I sincerely hope to meet the rest one day....Its a personal goal of mine. 

I will be crossing some more things off my goal list in the next 2 weeks as well-I have always wanted to ride a ski do-and I will be doing that when we go to Branson. I am going to ride some rides with my kids and maybe the ducks-things that I never could do before because of my weight. Im so excited.  I am now smaller than my oldest daughter and only 29# away from my youngest daughter-in fact, I can wear her clothes now-I LOVE IT...shes not too excited about it, but sees my excitement!! LOL...She has some pretty cute clothes-but maybe a little too young for this ol' lady-LOL...I have already made a pact with myself-because I am pretty stingy when it comes to buying things for myself OR treating myself to something-like nails or a manicure etc-that when I hit that 200# gone mark-I am going to either get my hair cut and colored OR get a perm, not sure-but if I have my hair colored-I am going to have to get a new license picture taken, because they questioned me the last time I went to the bank-the only thing I had going for me, is that my hair was still long AND still the same color-LOL....So-as soon as I get that done, I will post a different picture on my avatar-which all the people at my COF support group, who hadnt seen me in 3 months-said I needed a new picture, because they said I dont even look like that anymore-what a compliment, although "I" dont see the changes they do-Im kind of excited to see new pics.  Ok-well, I am getting off here, the 4 yr old is getting restless and I have some things to do before the kids get home from school.  If your waiting for your surgery-I really hope that this gives you something to look forward to...If I can help you in any way-please send me a message. Good luck in your journey!! All my love and prayers. Janet

~6 months out and life is getting better and better~

Jun 01, 2007

Well, Im a little over 6 months out now-and I am down 156#...My life is still getting better and better. There are some other things going on that have frustrated me, with my back issues-but, overall-some more WOW moments and changes that have made all the difference in the world to me!! I know had I still been carrying around the extra weight, I would be in a wheelchair right now-and I never wanted that!

Sleeping in bed with my hubby at night-I still thank God for that change-every night I get to lay by him and snuggle-it feels so good-and I feel "married" again-not like a robot just going through the motions of life daily. I knew we would be okay-but for over 2 years, sleeping on a lazyboy chair because I was too fat to sleep in bed with him-really took a toll on my emotional well being, thats for sure. I felt, at one point, like we were just room-mates! I wake up-and I thank God for another day-and I used to go to sleep and pray that God would take me in my sleep-because I dreaded life so much~Man, what a change a year makes! I can cook and clean and play with my kids, I can go to the store, go for walks, I can wear my seatbelt-I can use any bathroom ANYWHERE....and I fit-I just am overwhelmed....I still have a hard time picking my wow moments without tears-because its truly been so overwhelming to me! I cant believe this is MY life-this is ME and I am going from a prisoner of my fat ass body-to a person breaking out and breaking free and just am thrilled at all the little things....For instance:

WOW Moments:
1. Taking care of my hygiene and feeling clean I can get into ANY bathroom stall now-and I can wipe my big ass without standing up!! I can take a shower-shave my legs-IN the shower-I can REACH ALL MY BODY parts without effort!!! (BIG OL WOW THERE!)
2. I can get in any car-front or back seat (never could sit in back before-and never did 1/2 the seatbelts even fit) I can wear my seat belt-I can drive with my seat ALL the way forward and the steering wheel down-WOO HOO...
3. I can buy my clothes, even at Walmart-and I have options. I dont have to buy whatever they have that will fit-even if I dont like it. I can wear CUTE bras and underwear-NEVER thought I would see the day I could burn those granny panties I used to have to wear!
4. I dont have to ride the electric carts anymore-and havent since I had surgery
5. I do not have high blood pressure anymore-I am not borderline diabetic, all my labs are normal-and I feel great.
6.I can tie my shoes-like a normal person-thats something so simple-but its something that means everything to me!
7. I can CROSS MY LEGS and do so a lot-just because I can-and I like the way it feels-to be able to do it!
8. I can get out of my pool, without help from anyone!! This has always bothered me-as I was a prisoner-having to wait until one of my girls was around to swim, so I knew I could get out! How humiliating that was for me!
9. People dont recognize me when they see me now-it takes them a minute-and then their jaw drops-and their eyes light up-and it makes me feel so good!
10. Sex-well, its amazing....not that it was ever anything I complained about-but now it is fun and I enjoy it so much more because I am not always consumed with my fat and my fat isnt always in the way!! Oh, LA LA....thats all I am gonna say-GIT R DONE!!! LOL
11. My soul-it feels like its new-like I got a new one with all the other changes-this changed too. I went from a crusty, mean looking hateful person...didnt want or need any new friends-people would tell me all the time at work that they were afraid to approach me-and now people will approach me to ask for directions etc-I feel so good.
~~~~IS IT ALL WINE and ROSES?~~~~~
No-its HARD work, its so mentally challenging and it WILL mess with your head-even the good things-I still hold up clothes and go-that wont fit-and they do-or are even too big. I still cant wrap my mind around it all! I cant!! I only have about 30# left to lose before I am sharing clothes with my oldest daughter, and I plan on even going below that-I want to be amazed-even more than I am now-at what I can accomplish. I want to wrap my mind around this and all the changes, and help others-thats major for me. I want to show people what can be done-and what has been done-and I want everyone to know-its NOT all wine and roses-there has been A LOT of things I have endured-as well as others-like for every positive thing-there is something else I find I dont like. I dont like the sagging skin-I told myself as long as I got healthy, I wouldnt stress about it-but I am-my arms are twice the sz they should be-because of the sagging skin-I have had 3 c-sections and one side of my tummy hangs about 3-4 inches lower than the other side-BIG TIME-I HATE IT!! I guess I thought I would FINALLY like what I saw in the mirror-and I still dont. I like HOW I feel, I LIKE the changes, I LIKE the clothes, I LIKE the independence, but I am STILL NOT COMFORTABLE in my own skin! I want that. I yearn for that. To look at myself, naked-and at least not want to vomit at what I see!! Work in progress....There are STILL days that I just do liquids because food is NOT going to agree with me-I am okay with that, but mentally-MAN! There are days a certain smell or commercial will make me think-MAN...IF I could just have my OLD stomach back for ONE DAY...what I would eat! Would I trade back? HELL NO-but I am not gonna lie to anyone, not even myself anymore-there are days.......BUT...You gotta do it, you have risked your life-put it on the line-for these changes, you gotta embrace them, make the BEST Of it-and DO IT....YOU HAVE to get your protein in, you HAVE to get your liquid in, YOU HAVE to get your vitamins in-and I dont want to hear someone going...Oh, well, I cant do this OR I cant do that-YEAH, you can-YOU Risked your life-IF you CANT take your vitamins, or your protein OR sip, sip sip-and when you feel like your gonna die-sip some more-than you are going to just throw everything away you risked your life for-how ignorant is that?  IF anyone reading this cant find a protein they like OR you are having issues with vitamins etc-get on MO board and post something so we can help you-but dont let ignorance ruin what you risked your life for-seems stupid to me to go through it-and then not do what IS REQUIRED-and I dont want to sound like a bitch here, but I dont respect anyone who would just blow everything off and take it upon themselves-when MY LIFE REALLY RELIED on this surgery-I WAS A TRUE PRISONER-and I WILL DO WHAT IT TAKES FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE NEVER TO GO BACK TO UN-LIVING LIKE THAT AGAIN-I WOULD RATHER DIE~I dont "enjoy" shakes every day, I dont "enjoy" vitamins all day long, I dont "enjoy" sipping all day long, I dont "enjoy" traveling 5 hrs ONE WAY to get to my surgeons office for my follow ups-BUT..MY life depended on it-I have heard people say-well, MY surgery is done-what are they gonna do-take it back? (if they dont do their vitamins, their protein, their f/u visits) No, they ARENT gonna take it back-but ARE They gonna do your revision when you NEED itOR be there when you have a complication because your NOT doing the proper things? HELL NO-and they dont have to-because YOU were NOT a compliant patient. IF you say now-well, I dont have the money for this or that, well-than its just NOT important to you to be healthy-when you have money to shop, shop and shop some more-you wont be able to enjoy the life you have been given-when the affects of neglecting the needs as a gastric bypass patient hit you! So, I may sound heartless-Im not-but I sure as hell dont want to hear someone whine that they cant or wont do this or that-when THEY KNEW IT GOING INTO IT-so maybe thats the difference for me-MY LIFE depended on it-and because I am happy-and I LOVE life NOW-I WANT to be around-for a LONG TIME-and I WILL DO WHATEVER it takes!!!!! No matter what!  Ok-Im off my soapbox. Im closing for now-have a good day-and hang in there! Love, Janet

~~5 months out and 140# down!~~

May 02, 2007

Hi everyone, well-here I am again, just a little over 5 months out-and each and every day it gets better and better (except for a few issues with my back)  I have had some amazing WOW moments-and then some tiny ones-but they sure all feel good! I walk every day-I do my pilates for toning, and I WANT to live each day to the fullest-I LOVE LIFE now-I feel a kinder, gentler soul to myself than I ever have before, and I feel like God is using me to help others who were or are, in the same place as myself. What a feeling to know that you can say or do something that means so much to someone else! I have been so blessed to find the best friend I have ever had through this journey-and from this website. I have also found several far away friends, whom I love very much and have become a real part of my life-each and every one of them. I just have a lot of thanks and a lot of praise for the good Lord for giving me a 2nd chance at life-and one that I am trying to embrace and make the best of it-while I can! I truly never thought I could feel this good.  My scale didnt move much for almost a month no matter what I did to try and help it along-LOL....but, I am starting to feel that comfort in my own skin for the first time in my life. I am excited about the changes, I am excited for the chance to have the summer of activities even though I may still be limited some on what I do-and I am excited about whats to come and finally-I am excited about being an angel to some going through this same journey. I cant wait to meet all my angelettes face to face one day and to give them real hugs-I just wanted to pop in and say hi-and to let anyone know who may be reading this-that in 5 short months, I now have back my TOTAL independence-I no longer fear any car seat belts-heck, I can even sit in back..(even if its a small car) I can sit in ANY booth at the restuarants-I can take care of all my own hygiene needs, I can play with my 4 yr old-I can sleep in the bed with my husband-I can see a smile in the mirror looking back at me-that I actually have a face, cheeks, a chin! My stomach doesnt stick out further than my boobs anymore-and my soul doesnt feel like its got a black cloud hanging over it! I feel like that thinner woman that has always been trapped inside me-is kicking her way out-and she is having so much fun getting there.  Its funny, my best friend, Mel and I joke that if we went to the store now and heard someone say "fat ass" that we would be looking for the person they were talking about-thats how good we feel about ourselves!!!  Its awesome-and if you are pre-op-CONGRATS on your upcoming surgery-its gonna change your life-faster and better than you can ever imagine.  God Bless and take care everyone.  Hugs, Janet

~~2 months out and life is changing already!!

Jan 26, 2007

Hi everyone, I am now 2 months and 3 days out and my life has changed so much.  The first 2 weeks after surgery, I couldnt say I would have done it all again, through complications/infections-I was miserable-but now, after a 83# weight loss and endless inches-my life is changing-almost faster than I can keep up.  The smallest things have made the biggest difference to me, like being able to stand up and make my family dinner-to being able to bend over and put my shoes on AND tie them, without winging my leg up next to me. I actually laid on the floor (during ice storm we all lived in one room-and had the mattresses etc on the floor) and I got up from the floor-ALL by myself, with just a little pillow under one knee cap! I about threw myself over the coffee table, from trying so hard.....I can take a shower without huffing and puffing, and for the first time since my son was born (and he will be 4 tomorrow) I chased him through the house-and I was RUNNING!!  I got into a booth at a restuarant and that was awesome...My seatbelts in my car fit-with so much room to spare now, and other cars as well-thats the best feeling!! I have more energy than I remember having in a long time....I love that my clothes are too big-even clothes I have saved from when I was first dating my husband are too big-woo-hoo!!  This has been an amazing road....I just cant even believe that one year ago-I was so depressed because of my situation that I didnt care if I woke up in the mornings because I was so miserable with myself.  I now look forward to waking up-to being around my family and being  A PART of their lives and what they do-and I want to improve myself-sometimes even too fast. I have come to the conclusion that I cannot weigh myself everyday, because if I gain 1#, I get anal about it and wonder what I am doing wrong and thats a mental demon I have to deal with.....I was also pretty lonely a year ago-with a lot of my so-called friends not understanding the road to WLS and not believing I needed it-if I would just learn to love myself the way I was and accept it-I would get better. They didnt understand the pain I went through each and everyday with the knees, the stage IV Osteoarthritis in both knees, my hips and back and then the Degenerative Joint Disease on top of it.  Needless to say-those friendships were over and I withdrew from everybody outside my family.   Then I joined this website and found that I wasnt the only one with these issues and how people can respond and be so hurtful when they dont understand.....I almost feel sorry for the people that dont truly understand what we go through...to hear-oh, I just dont want you to die-how can they understand that on the inside I already felt dead?  Now-I have met my "twin" and some best friends I have EVER had in my lifetime, so it seems that what I lost in 2005 was returned to me ten-fold.  Thanks to God, who pathed the road for me, who I leaned on and who I gave so much to-because I couldnt do it myself and I didnt have control, he did.  He knew what I needed and he put so many people in my life-that I now know where and are angels in disguse.  Best of all, I have my life back, and I spent too much time being miserable and fighting barriers, that I am going to be a warrior and I am going to help other people who have or are going through this and need someone to understand and support them...Thanks for listening. Jan
About Me
Diamond, MO
Location
RNY
Surgery
11/29/2006
Surgery Date
Jan 13, 2006
Member Since
Friends 54
Latest Blog 6
**Onelander at last**
~One Year Surgiversary Today~
~9 months out and 189# gone FOREVER!!!~
~6 months out and life is getting better and better~
~~5 months out and 140# down!~~
~~2 months out and life is changing already!!
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