webdz9r S.
Happy Thanksgiving
Nov 22, 2006
It is Thanksgiving. Our household has been preparing for the last 2 weeks. Things have gotten crowded here. Ms C's sis and her daughters are staying with us. Ms C's mom is on her way right now and her younger son flew in from college last night. Yep......her eyes will sparkle today.. she has her family around her. I wil be smiling broadly too. My daughter, her hubby and my 2 youngest grandsons will be coming here to eat also. Yesterday I went out and got some exercise. We went to the store the day before Thanksgiving. I know it is important to walk and thought we were only going out a little bit to pick me up some things and a few things for today. The major shopping was done by Ms C and her sis. I got tired after the second trip out. But I did not exhaust myself. I think I did just enough. Today is food day.....for most. An obese person's joy. Plenty of food and no one will be looking at you eating so much.. cuz they are all doing it too. Me.. I will have turkey brooth, jello, popsicles, gatorade, water... and NOW I start my protein drink. Yeeeeeeeeeessssssssssss. I have been wanting something different for the last two days. Each new taste is awesome. I have kept up with my sipping and walking. I don't have a low fever anymore. I am in no pain and walk at a nice pace. My tummy is still sore but each day it gets better. I am really doing well. I am thinking of all my blessings. I am so blessed for Ms C. She has taken such good care of me and made me feel such love. I know she is a gift from God. We went to pick up her son last night and pulled into the harbor island area to sit and wait for his plane to land. We were looking at the night's skyline of the city. It is beautiful. I love lights and colors. Which is good... cuz now we are in another holiday season and there will be plenty of lights to see. My daughter and her family (hubby and sons} are coming to dinner. I am never sure why my daughter is always in a quandary or is sooo discombobulated. She reminds me of me when I was her age... but I was more focused on her and me since I was raising her alone. She is now finding her way to what she whats to do in life. I am praying things turn around for her and that she really and truly gets on an even footing. I love her so much and hope that she knows that. Well, I best get some clothes on.. nope not naked here.. in jammies. Ms C's mom is coming soon and I would like to get some coffee going for all of them.
A Whole New Life
Nov 21, 2006
I had wls on Nov. 17th. I think my mind is now not so loopy with the drugs that I can write about it. The evening before I went to bed at 10:30. I had packed my things. It was a fast sleep... had to wake up at 3:00am to shower and get on the road. I had to be at the hospital at 5am. Ms C and I did not say much on the way there. We were both nervoux and her more than I. She let me sleep or rest on the way. We parked in front of the hospital. Ms C remarked that now she knows how to get a good parking space at the hospital....just come so damn early when no one is here. We went up to the 5th floor to check myslef in and she came along for the entire ride. I was weighed in and then went into one room, was given my gown, booties, signed forms and my first shot. Then I walked down with the nurse, Dr Zorn's, to the 2nd floor for the prop stage. Everything was moving so fast. I was given my own lil gurney to sit in as the nurses took over my body. They were putting my iv in, my pads for the monitors and all the while joking. I am thinking that they are that way trying to keep the patient calm. Ms C thought I was so calm anyways. They could not find my gallblader report. It is good still. That did cause some concern.I do rmember that they must of given my something cuz I don't remember saying a thing to Ms C before they took me into surgery. I remember that I had to pee so bad but they asked me to wait until I got my cather. They put it in after you are out. In the operating room they had me practice breath in the mask with oxygen. I am guessing that they then switched and put me out fast. I did not see anything coming. I have had surgery before and I must say, this was really good on nervous patients. I was in surgery for over the 2 hr time. Lisa, my angel, came to the hospital. She was with Ms C the entire time of the operation. She got her out of the hospital to go to starbucks. Thank god... sitting there was probably hard to do. I hear she was nervous because it was taking longer than expected. I had scar tissue from my endrometriosis/hysterectomy surgery that it took longer for them to get through it. I had the sugery done lap. I was wheeled back into my room after a couple of hours in recovery. I did not wake up with pain, They had me on some very good drugs. About 4 hrs later Ms C and I took our first walk down the hall. It was a slow one but I was up and moving. Scripps Mercy has a VSP program. It is a program where you can designate someone to stay with you in the hospital and assist you while you are there. Ms C was my VSP. She had packed her bags for a fun filled 3 day stay at the lovely hospital. The first day and night I slept alot. She kept getting me out of bed though. I was soon doing laps and she was keeping up with me. I kept passing other wls patients in the halls and they were moving alot slower. The nursing staff that are excellent. I will never be able to say enough for them and how they treat their patient. They are there to help or get you anything you need. Too funny.. it was like a hotel staff.. not nurses. Kaiser.. you should take a look at your nurses... they need to be retrained. On Sat, Nov 18th, at noon, I went off my pain meds. I never needed them again. I was on contastant iv antibiotics and saline. I did not get ice chips until the second day. I was given 1 oz every hour if I wanted them. The bad thing about being on all those liquids with IVs is that I had to get up almost every hour to go to the bathroom. Ms C would not let me get up myself. I was hooked to an IV pole, to a foot pump on both feet and woozy. I know I drove her crazy.. she would get back to sleep and then she heard me sitting up. She would get up, take my pumps off and unplug me to let me go to the bathroom. This continued to happen all day long. On Sunday, I got juices, brooth, popsicles or jello. I mixed them as best I could.so I did not tire of them. Tonight was the big game night.... Chargers against the Broncos. Ms C is a huge... huge.. Bronco fan. She wore her long sleeved Tshirt that day. I think she loved the comments and razzing she was stirring up in the hospital. I am sure that 99% of the people were Charger fans. I kept falling asleep during the game. I am a Charger fan. So I would wake up and see .. hey they are not doing good. At half time, we took 3 laps. I had to get her back for the 3 quarter. A grandma with her granddaughter who had surgery snarled, teasingly, at Ms C about her choice of teams. They razzed each other about who was the better team. Me......I had one eye on the hall and they laps that must be done. We got back to the room and of course.. 3 quarter.. I fall asleep. I wake up in the 4th quarter with minutes to go and see the Chargers are ahead and just scored another touchdown. Ms C was disappointed her Broncos lost but thought it was a good game. She was not worried about me so much now. I was doing so well and looking ... well just tired. That night it was more up and down with the bathroom routine but not as much. I would sleep 2 hrs at a time. The last time.. I snuck out of bed and went myself. I think Ms C was too exhuasted to hear me getting up. Lisa came by to see me on Sat. She thought I was looking good and gave me strict advise to keep walking. I was lucky she volunteered to be my angel. She is a wonderful person and really caring. She has done so excellent with wlsL I am hoping to follow in her footsteps. Morgen, from the OH group, came to see me on Sun. It was good seeing her. She found me zipping around the hallway walking at a quick pace. I am sure it aleves a preops mind when they see someone recover so well. On Monday, I was given the heave ho to go home and continue on my walking, sipping and resting. I have been home now for going on 3 days and feel wonderful. I did have a low grade fever. It is due to the general anesthia and your lungs. But I haven't had that since Monday. Lungs are almost back to normal. I have been doing 2 oz of clear liquids for 2 days now. Am I hungry, well yeaaaa. But I keep my eye focused on healing and following doctor's orders. I walk around the house and I sip every hour.. 2 oz. Has this all been worth it? Can I tell you something?? I used to get up every morning with my feet hurting. I would walk all day and my feet would hurt. My feet ain't hurting now. I don't know why yet. I don't have a scale to see if I lost any lbs. I would think I am still swollen and I have alot of liquid in me yet.. so I would be either the same weight or heavier. But hey.........now this irish lass' feet don't hurt no more. I guess that is my first wow moment. Ms C is soooo happy now that I am back and looking good each day. Her worries have turned into.. did you take you juice or whatever I am having.. to did you walk or use your sucking machine. Hey... today is the day before Thanksgiving .. we are having so many people over.... I am thinking she won't have time to worry about me. But ya know.... I am wrong there. This is a new way of life for me. I researched it a yr before I decided to actually have surgery. Then it took over a yr to get all the hoops done Kaiser required. I know a better life is awaiting me and that I am focused on obtaining exactly what I wanted from this entire process. Right now..... life is good.
Surgery Time
Nov 16, 2006
Five more days......
Nov 12, 2006
It is now five more days before my surgery. I have gotten alot of my "chores" done. My room is now setup for me when I come home from the hospital. I have done my "last weekend before surgery" fun. Lost all my monies at Puma Casino but had enough fun.. I had very lil money to go out with. I did get a free prime rib dinner though. Today I must concentrate on my belated homework. I have been putting it off. Ms C is a little upset with me right now. Somehow "I" clogged up the sink.. not our company.. and she in now under the sink fixing the leak. Ok.. I can't fix it cuz I have no idea what I have to do. I would just call the landlord and tell them. But that is not gonna happen. It is funny, my roomie is under the sink .. saying not to nice of words.. and when she goes by me, I can see her eyeing me like I am the cause. Ok.. yes.. I did use the plunger to try to unclog it. But she did not seem to mind me doing that when she saw me doing it. This is all mindless chatter here. I just needed to say something cuz ... I am very nervous about surgery. Who wouldn't be. Ms C said it is a drastic measure to do and she would not be doing it. She is not trying to talk me out of it at all. I guess she is worried.. she doesn't show it .. but you can tell. We have a housefull of people here. Her sis is having to stay here due to a problem at her apt. It needs to be fixed and the landlord is not exactly hurrying. Doesn't matter, I guess.. what's 4 and 1/2 more people in this house. I have preop on Thursday. I will find out if they cancel the surgery ..... they do it if you gain weight. Funny... I lost more than 10% .. why would they cancel it if I gain 3 or so pounds back???? Don't know.. but I will be dieting this week just in case. But then.. hey .. if they cancel it.. naaaaaaaaaaaa.. I need the surgery. Everyone has been really great on the OH Boards. I have been quiet this last week. I guess getting everything ready. Come Thurday.. I will be in high gear. I have alot still to do. First, I must find the slippers that was given to me. I bet Ms C has them. I did see them on her feet at one time last week. Talk about actually retracing footprints. Turkey day is coming soon. I will be in bed.. sleeping and maybe sipping something. I don't mind missing the food for the holidays... it is a self prescribed diet this year. Like I said.. lots to do and my homework is calling me so I best head over to it and work on it. I will be posting each day now... trying to get all my thoughts on this page so I can go back later and read it.
Time is Fleeting.............
Nov 05, 2006
It is 12 days before my surgery. It is getting closer and closer. Everyone is right. Time Flys! Yesterday Lisa gave me a luncheon. Niki, celeste, her hubby, Gary, Christine, Morgen, Stacie, Sheryl and others came to it. It was good meeting some for the second time and some for the first time. Lisa .. thank you so much for the luncheon. You are an amaxing angel.. with just a tad bit of horns ... LOL.. I have been trying to do things that I like to do before I have the surgery. It seems to be keeping my mind off the surgery. At least for that time. I have not gone out and gotten alot of things for the hospital.. I will play it by ear. Chapstick, wipes, slippers, toothbrush/paste... etc... I will have Ms C come stay with me, as they allow you a private room for you and someone who would like to stay with you. You know, after thinking.. this is the first time I am doing something "huge" for myself. i know alot of people have doubts, fears and think this is drastic. It is.......but some of us do not have a choice. I can't wait to look like the person I see myself as..... I got my hospital packt yesterday. This made the surgery more of a reality. To have something in your hand that shows you the date, perscriptions and forms is like being hit with a bolt. It was expected......but still .. to have it in hand is totally different. Ok... take a deep breath and we shall get through yet another week..
It's A Long Long Road............
Oct 22, 2006
I currently have Kaiser Ins. and am considering changing to Sharps HMO. I have gone to the seminar at Mercy Hospital in San Diego and had my bmi taken. I do qualify weight wise for the surgery with some other health issues. I would like to know if there is a primary health care physican that I can choose who works with Pacific Bariatric to do the surgery or any information I can get regarding which PLAN to choose. About Me: I am 50 yrs old and work for a police dept. You would think that it is demanding work. I started working in the "field" but for the past 12 yrs I have been at a "desk" type job, ie...no exercise. Hey it worked for me... I loved that job...just did not love what I was doing to me by being in it. I have had weight issues all my life. Geez... I feel like I am at a weight annanomous meeting. I think this is the first time I have written about my weight. I am sure those reading this have experienced most or all of the problems that goes along with gaining and losing weight for years. I want to be able to do things... simple things as well as activies that I enjoy. I know that no one is going to be responsible about my health but me. I am taking charge of this now.
I had my physical on 9/16.. with kaiser (part 1) I could't get part 2 until 10/31. This is ok as I don't really have to have it completed so fast. My visit with Dr. Ray in San Diego will be on Monday. I meet with him to discuss the program and get into a group. I will have to attend 6 months of group to qualify for surgery. This will be good as I will have alot to learn and go through before I do this surgery. I was at 299 lbs on 9/16. I dropped 8 lbs in two months. I wasn't dieting. I am going through escrow with my father's house and maybe it is the stress of this that caused the drop. Well I don't know but I don't miss the 8 lbs.
9/26/05
Got my 2 Angels.. Lynn S. and Vicki M. Thank you for doing this for me. Well tonight I begin the wonderful journey with kaiser. I have my first meeting with Dr. Ray to find out when or if I can go to "group".. geez I almost typed grope. Now that would be a class well attend by some. Anyways.. I have been approved to be in class I just don't know which one. I have enjoyed the chatter on the CA OH board. It has been a sad time with John Ott passing. But there are some wonderful people on it taking care of all the newbies and the ones that are just now going into surgery. I will update tomorrow on the meeting with the good doc.
10/16/05
I had tried to update at work on Thursday, got called away from my desk and when I came back my pc froze. So I am starting this all over again. I have had two weeks in the Kaiser Positive Choice Bariatric Class. The first week, we weighed in and I weighed in at 307 lbs. Not good because at the same place the week before I weighed 299 lbs and I know I did not eat the refrigertor during the week. I did not watch to much of what I ate because I knew I was not going to be able to eat what I wanted after I started classes. I met the counslor who has suffered from anorexia herself. I met Dr. Lott who is the head of the bariatric classes and the Positive Choice Center for Kaiser in San Diego. We talked a little about ourselves and about the surgery, signed a whole bunch of forms and got our weekly diet journals with the foods we must adhere to. Then we all left to ponder what we all had talked about and what we are now required to do before we even get approved for surgery. We don't have to lose the 10 % now with Kaiser but will have to anyways because Pacific Bariatric will insist that we do. Which is good for me because the more I lose for surgery.. the better health I will be in.
I have been coming onto the OH board now for over a month, joining the chats and trying to stay intuned with what is going on with everyone and their struggles and triumphs. There is alot to celebrate. I also come here because as much as I know people at home support me, I think my biggest support will be from knowing others who have done this before and who share their time and stories. Home support is hard right now. I am chosing my own meals and yes, I do go out to eat but eat only what I am suppose to. I limit myself to what I can eat .. and I guess this is the real first time that I have done so. Call it growing up, being more aware of just wanting a different life! I hate not keeping up with people when we go places. I have been getting better at that though. No...... I am not running the marathons yet. I don't think that one is in my plans.... but I can walk a might bit faster since I got my butt off the chair and started doing walking. I know people come to these profiles to gain information or learn about a person who does post on OH boards. So with all you are going to learn about me... I hope ya don't mind me being saracastic or blunt about things. I had my second Kaiser Group meeting on Wed. night. I went down 7 lbs. to 299.5. Ok.. these are the same lbs I started with when I weighed myself the first time in this building. LOL.. gotta love scales~ I feel good, staying on the 1200 cal diet was not as challenging as I would have thought. I can eat a variety of things so I make sure I eat what I really like on this diet and have the good things as a treat for the day. Group was interesting. I have never been in a weight loss group before. Some make silly joking remarks and talk about food all the time. Not about their life, their work or hobbies. It is all centered around food. Of course there were those who did not know that the foods listed on our daily journal were the ones we needed to choose to eat from. One insisted on saying the the starbuck's carmel macholatte was not on the list and where was she suppose to list it. I only shook my head and did not say a word. I wanted to say that there wasn't a list for Cheating but I did not say a word. So .. 7 lbs in a week with a thryroid pill I just started on. We shall see what happens this coming week. I have been released to full duty at work from my doc and this will bring new things. As I won't be doing the office work I have been doing since we hired new staff. There are anxious moments here as to where or what I will be doing for work. Anxious moments contributed to nervous eatting. But because I am recognizing this early I am trying to keep myself from indulging in unwanted foods. Geez.. what a terminology.. is there Unwanted Foods??? Well you know what I mean.. no snacking and eatting anything not on this list!!! Drink lots of water.. geez I am floating. I have to get up at least twice in the pm to visit the bathroom because I am drinking so much more water... so what is the trick? I will experiment in getting all my liquids down before 7pm and see if this helps.
Well this is all my news right now. Lynn.. I updated my journal!!!
10/20/05
Ok…. So I am not a bubbly person. I am not Ms. Smiley either. Never have been.. and I don’t think I ever will be at this stage in my life. First off, I have been on a freakin diet all my life like most of you. In fact, I was on a diet at 6 mons. old I have the baby pics to proof it. I guess back then fat babies were not considered such a health problem. God only knows what my mom fed me back then. But I must have really loved it. Anyway….. I am posting a lil background on me because I really can’t recall if I did that or not. I hate the high price of living in this part of CA though. I love fishing, boating and my kid and 3 grandsons. My parents have passed away already. My mom from emphasema in 2000 and my dad this year 05 in February. He died of .. geez let’s say it was weird. I saw him 2 weeks before he died and he had a cold. He let himself run down, very animic and had other problems that he never went to the doctor before. I know he probably was a heart attack victim since my mom always told me his left arm hurt. But he never went to the doctor. My mom was the person in my life whose opinion usually bothered me. No .. she really didn’t approve of me all the time but I know she was proud of who I became. If she saw me now I would get the weight talk though.
10/19/05
I went to Kasier Options Class. It was # 3 in a series of 24. I lost 7 lbs last week and .5 this week. But I did not gain any!!! Kaiser Classes or “Group” is ok. I go every Wednesday night with about 12-15 of us. We sit and talk about our week, the 1200 cal diet we are all on.. unless you are a man. Then we are going through their booklet about the diet, the surgery and preparing for it. I have no problems going through this class. It was the getting into it that was the hardest. Marcia, our counselor, is very supportative of the wls. She actually makes us accountable for what we eat and why we are eating the wrong things. In no way are we discouraged not to go through the surgery. Our next challenge is deciding which diet to continue on. I am going to go on the partial fast and calorie diet. It will cost me some bucks but I think in the long run it will be ok. What I am worried about is the full fast diet a month before the surgery comes. Geez, I will have to save money for that.
I am having a rough time right now. It is hard to concentrate on anything at one time. My work is wanting me to go back into the field to work. I have a knee injury making this really hard for me to do. In fact, the restrictions on me are for not doing a lot of the field work. So now .. again, I am going through my union and perhaps for the last time asking them to get me out of the dept. and into another job that will retrain me to do something I can do. What a freakin mess this is. I have not worked in the field for 13 long years. I can’t stand for long periods of time, bend, squat, twist, climb stairs or kneel, pick up heavy items. Driving hurts my knee if I am doing it for over 1 hour. I wonder what 9+ hours will do for me? I use to love working in the field. Hummm.. well I am sure the good lord upstairs has plans for me. I will have to be more patient and understanding. I am doing well on the diet though. I am stressed but not going to food to comfort me or help me feel better. I drink gallons of water and pee like crazy. I wish the weight would come off easier. Exercising is hard for me. I think that will be my challenge. Tomorrow I have my part 2 kasier physical. I will just be going over my part one exam and turning in a stool sample. My blood work is good, have a low thyroid but I am good.
12/02/05
It has been quite awhile that I have updated this. I have been ill and not working. I have a low thyroid and got mega panic attacks and had to go on medication. They took me off work for a couple of months. I am on thyroid meds now and anti depressants. I have to go once a week to a work clinic. I am doing better at the moment. I am still going to kaisers bariatic classes and must report here that I am 23 lbs down now. I have 12 more lbs to lose for surgery. I won't be done with this class until March 29. I really enjoy this class since I have been going. The group is great and I am learning alot about the journey I am going to be taking.
01/07/06
Happy New Year! It has been 3 long months of continuing this journey. I have been attending the Kaiser classes and am now down 28 lbs. I have 3 more months of classes to go through before I actually get to pacific bariatic for surgery. I will have lost my 10% and all I will have to do is the tests and then schedule surgery. I am guessing it would be in July or Aug. I alot of things have been happening .. I am still out of work. Since the diagnose of my thyroid condition, I have been undergoing treatment. I have other hormonal complications so it really messed up my balance. I should return to work in Feb. It has been nice being off.. wish I was rich.. then I could do what I wanted for work and not have to go back to my position. I have been quite on the boards for OH. I have kept up on everyone though.
03/02/06
Well I did it. I lost my 10% of weight required by Pacific Bariatric. I am down to 271 and lost a total of 37lbs. I have 4 more classes left with kaiser and then I will be going through the testing and consult with Pac. Bar. I know from reading the posts that persistence is the key to getting all that is requred done. I was told by our instructor that it usually takes 3 months to get the surgery after you have lost your 10% weight and completed the tests, been approved by kaiser's board, etc. To tell you the truth, I want the surgery to be in Aug. The reason being is that I need to save up days for sick leave and if requred use the family medical leave act to take the days off without worrying about work. I have been absent on the boards for some time. I had a thyroid problem that sent me into a hormonal tisy for awhile. I have it corrected now and am on my way to being better. I have been out of work for 4 months now.. unpaid and am going back on Sat. It sucks.. I have to work weekends, light duty, and on second watch. This is until March 30th and I see my doctor again. If he releases me.. then off to working in the field again. I have not done that is 10 or more yrs. Anyway.. I am back on the boards again and off to a happier lifestyle. Thank you all for posting and giving me things to read while I have struggled with my health.
03/08/06
I have 4 more options classes at kaiser. Tonight is class #20 weeks. I am down over 35 lbs. I cant give a real weight until tonight. But... last night I went to the Pacific Bariatric Seminar at Mercy Hospital. We had to weigh in.. I weighed in at 267lbs. Ok.. last week at kaiser I weighed 271. I had lost my 10% weight. So this means another 4 lbs gone. This on another scale.. but official since it is pacific bariatics scale. That is 40lbs gone since I started on this diet or life style change Oct.7th. I can bend better.. still have bad knees so getting up is not alot of fun. I do recall going fishing with my partner one day. We rented a boat to go into the lake. Now.. for those who dont go fishing... call to mind an aluminum boat and 2 people. But.. getting into the boat (with a bad knee) that is on water is pretty difficult. It can be done and has been.. I can atest to it. But hell.. getting out of the boat is really hard. Not fun.... so I fixed the problem.. I went out and bought a fiberglass Marlin boat in which I can step into and out of. No long distance dock problems anymore. It is so hard being obese in just doing the everyday things you need to do.. but doing what you love to do is just as hard. But.. I will not allow this weight to control me not doing what I love to do. Somethings I can no longer do.. but those that I can do with some effort I will continue to do. I went to Pacific Bariatric's seminar last night. A number of my kaiser classmates went too. We sat together. Anyway.. I did find out my new weight loss and got all the paperwork to fill out. I go to class tonight and then... 3 weeks more to go.
03/16/06
Oh man.. lost another 2 1/2 lbs and now down to 265. I have lost 42 lbs since I began this journey. I am going to shoot to be 260 by the time I end these options classes. I have two more weeks to go until I take complete charge of this ride. Right now I am in Kaiser's hands and will be until they approve me for the exercise test portion of options. I know.. walk around their building 5 x without assistance. No problem. I walked Disney World all day... paid the price for it.. but I did it. After the test.. I am then have to wait until cleared to do the ultra sound and blood work. I am in no hurry to have the surgery. I think July would be a good time. I might have enough days saved from work to take off and be paid. Most people want to hurry and hurry to have the surgery. Me.. it will happen when it is the right time. I have to now start planning for life after class and staying on this lifestyle change.. ok we all know it is a DIET and I am a Size Challanged Person.. I think we all know what we need to eat and not eat. Funny thing now... I can stay on this diet easily and not be swayed to eat things that I shouldn't. I have been trying to really have a "STOP" light in my brain when I am tempted. It usually works.. then once in awhile.. I run the light. I am also preparing what I will need for after sugery... vitamins... supplements, etc. My room is getting stocke piled with Nutra Receipe boxes. You would think I opened my own store. Ok.. so 2 more classes to go and then off to the weekly support classes. I know I need them in order to continue staying on track and to get my protein supplement. Hey... getting into some jeans now that I couldn't get into before. It is kewl I had bought the wrong size on some of them.. cuz some of these are new. I am down a X in size. I haven't had clothes bag on my in quite awhile. It feels damn good. I had my first full week at work. Man.. I am stuck in hell. I work in the telephone report unit. This is a unit for people that are injured or pending investigation. Thank god right now it is only hurt people. I have been in the investigation position before and it sucks until it is over. Its very stressful on you.. and I know part of my weight gain was from stress at work. Work still sucks though. I take ten or more reports a shift on average. Usually the people are ok.. but there are some adam henrys (a$$h...s) that are really pretty terrible. Not that I blame them.. but don't shoot the person helping ya. The bad part.. I work nights.. and no weekends off... get home at 10:30 at night. It sucks.. did I say that already? I am going to concentrate more on my exercise now. I have slacked on it.. but have been busy with the move we made. Boy that was exhausting and we haven't completly unpacked yet. But now is the time to turn it up and make a difference in that area.
03/22/06
It has been an amazing week. For one.. I have signed up to walk in the 3day breast cancer walk. Yea.. me. I went to a meeting with my friend and we signed up. Now I am going to train for the walk and I have to raise 2,200 dollars. I have put in more time to ask people for money.. but I havent been able to get even 5 bucks. You'd think someone would offer that. But not yet. I also signed up for school..online to get my BA. This is a huge comittment and one that I have wanted to do. So now I am going to actually study web designing with real structure. Next but not least... tonight was my 23rd week of options class. I have done my 10% weight loss and more. It has been quite a long journey. I started at 307 and am now at 265. I have one more week of class and then await my approval to do the exercise test. Walk around the building 5 x. Then onto the tests and off to pacific bariartic. I am nervous, excited anxious. I also know the things I need to do for work. I need some time so I will have at least 2 weeks of sick leave. Don't know if I can do that since I am starting at zero. I will just keep plugging away at it and save what I can.
03/25/06
I went to the SD luncheon yesterday and met alot of people from OH. It was truly an inspiration to see how far they have come and well they are doing... especially the ones who had a hard time with surgery. It was alot of fun. I do not talk much and hope that is not really held against me. I am always quiet when I don't know people. I do not go out of my way to meet new people .. so me going to the luncheon was really a major thing. Ok.. got to work yesterday and had a note from people there saying the dr. at positive choice was trying to reach me and that it was urgent. Ok.. urgent .. like how...??? I have not had tests to that cant be it.. I am having an insurance problem but I don't think a dr. would be trying to reach me on that ... I have met weight and all the goals that Kaiser wanted me to reach.. so maybe it is that I can continue on... Or else... she was just trying to reach me.. and work was making it an "urgent" message. I have changed my phone number with work and Kaiser.. I guess they have not yet caught up and made the changes or the Dr. did not call Kaiser's membership and got my new number. Now the Doc is not in until Tues so.. I have to wait 3 days to find out what is going on. No big deal...it isn't bad news like I am sick.
03/27/06
I am reflecting on the last fews days.... Ok.. what does that mean??? It means I am taking stock of where I want to go in life and how to realistically get there. I am the type to always give and have a very hard time giving to myself. This surgery will be for me. I am not great social creature. I am quiet, love my own space and not one to venture out of it. When I do.. it is a big deal.. especially if I do it alone. People need to realize that there are different types of people in this world. We want acceptance from people due to our weight.. yet we punish people for their personality. Doesn't make sense to me...yet I experience it and see it so many times. I have stressed out about things at home and work.. have I blown my diet over this.. NO. I guess I have learned something in these options classes after all. I am stressed also about this "urgent" call from the doctor at options. I find it curious since I have not heard from her since I began this class on Oct 6th. She is in charge of the program and is the referal for patients to continue on for wls. I am thinking it is because my work sent me a letter stating that if I did not pay a small portion of my medical ins. while I was out then I would not be covered for that portion. I paid it...I am fine. Otherwise I have no clue as to why a doctor would be calling all over to talk to me.
03/29/06
Here it is .. the day I have been looking forward to. It has been 6 long months of taking Options Classes at Kaiser. I learned alot..and the important things about this wls surgery was really stressed. I lost 43 lbs so far. I have to weigh in tonight for a final count. I wanted to get to 260 but 263 aint half bad. I had to fight with Kaiser today about my ins. Yea.. again.. after 45 min of phone calls to the city and to kaiser.. I am truly insured. I just wish that Positive Choice would get into the same computer system that the membership gets into. You would think that a doctor who is the administrator would just call membership to inquire if I was in fact insured. A simple phone call. Or perhaps.. membership would call her and let her know... well it isn't memberships fault.. they have no idea what classes I was in. The doctor or her staff could have done the phone call. Anyway.. it is Kaiser .. what else is there to say? But no more food journals.. I have to keep up on my diet.. but I dont have to fill out the journals. I wonder if I should though.. in a book. Well after tonight I will begin this journey to the next stage. The exercise test.. which is walking around a bldg 5 x unassisted. My paperwork is sent in to Kaiser for approval.. then the tests.. then Pacific Baratric gets me. I am not in a hurry for surgery as I need the time saved up for it. I sure as hell dont want to go through this ins. nightmare again. I am proud of myself for sticking through this... not giving up when I gained a pound.. and of course .. not eating when so stressed. I got through it. Now I just have to keep getting through it. Thanks to the people on OH CALIF board.. I have laughed, cried and learned so much. Let's hope tonight is just a great as I think it will be. It is kind of like a graduation of some sort. Wow.. I wont be seeing the same people every wed unless they go to the support meetings on Thurs. The dude with the same shorts and green shirt will be no more... I wont see the lady who seems to be bitter every week.. no more late janiece.. or seeing Dan walk around the bldg. YOU GO DAN... I will be moving on... since I did lose the 10% they wanted me to... but I wont leave what I have learned behind.
03/30/06
I thought with the completion of my options class that I would be sleeping well. I kept waking up last night. Guess my mind was on what I had done, gone through and am about to go through. Not having to go to the class where I spent so many months with the same people is good. But I am going to miss the support I had with some of them. I think as a bunch we have made a few friends or we have stayed at a distance. But I do know if there was something I needed to ask.. they would be there for me. Yet, I gain so much more from the people on this board. Because I have been on this board for a long time, I had pretty much knew much of what was in this class. The class was something I needed to do in order to go along with the program. The counslor was awesome. She will no longer be at kaiser, as we were her last class. But she did give us her phone number if we needed something and to tell her when we are set with surgery. Secret here: I found that she does seminars for groups and is connected to an organization. LOL.. found her website and boy... the pic on it is young. She doent look like that anymore. I sent her an email but have no idea if she will receive it. I don't know if she is still active with the organization. Anyway, now I am 257.5 lbs. Remember I said that at the end of this class I wanted to be 260? Well there you go... my bmi is 50.5 now. I feel great. Next is waiting for an exercise test which consists of walking around a bldg 5x unaided. Then the paperwork goes to the doc and then I get a call to come get my lab slips for all my tests. I am on my way. Before we left last night there was a form we had to sign and turn in. It asked what we wanted to do next: continue on in the process to have the surgery, not go with surgery and do another weight progrsm, stop the process and wait to decide what to do. Of course I checked .. continue on. But this is the first time I actually had to sign something for surgery. Like it is finally here and I am actually going to be doing this monumental thing in my life. I still have to have hours saved from work to take the time off with pay. So I am thinking in July, Aug... summer months. Wow... I have tons of questions and things I want to list but can't concentrate to do that. I guess I just want to soak all this in and be happy I passed and finished this 24 week course. Thank you Marcia...........you're such a good counslor and guide.
04/07/06
I guess it is time for me to keep up my journal. I have had a busy week. Not with weight issues but with school. I want to go back to school, get my ba in web designing and finally pursue my ambition to be a top notch designer. I don't have to get a Ba of course but in researching the jobs available out there, alot of companies want you to be a college grad. So I am trying to set up my courses and get funding. Not an easy thing.. getting funds for school. I do not have the best credit and yet I have no more bills to pay. So it has been a challenge working with the school to be able to begin classes next week. I did my walking test with kaiser.. no problem. It was easy.. and now.. I got my letter from Kaiser saying that I will get a call to get my lab slips and start my tests that are needed for the surgery. Now if all goes well and there is nothing wrong with me.. I will have those results sent to the San Diego office which will then recommend me for surgery. If I get that approval letter then I contact PB for surgery. Then I go see their docs.. and do their appts. I am looking at getting surgery by the end of July. I pretty much had that figured last year. So.. we will wait and see what happens next.
04/13/06
I thought I would come here and update what has been going on with me personally and with my "journey." First of all, I am still working nites and don't like it at all. This is not going to change much. Went to Harrahs to play. Didn't win anything but we did have a good time. I did my treadmill test last Wednesday with no problem. It was really easy. The lady at the clinic said she would submit my paperwork to the Dr and then I would get my lab work done. Boy.. sometimes I feel like I want to go back to my comfort zone and in class. This is going really fast now. A woman from my options class has been emailing me to see what if anything has happened with the next step. She did do the walking test and is also awaiting when her labs get set up. So I called Kaiser and left a message with the woman in charge. Unfortunately, she called while I was trying to win my millions at harrahs. I missed the call. She did say she has my paperwork and we can set up my blood work. Yikes.. I must call my pcp and ask if I should increase my thyroid meds. I am a lil low still. She is going to call me back on Monday. I think she works nights. How kewl would that be.. NOT. I will have to call her back today, leave a message that I am not home on Monday nights and give her my cell #. That should take care of that. I am excited but not. I still will have to wait until Late July to get the surgery. I need to save my time from work and my friend needs to have the time to take off in case I need her. I am not in a rush until I see myself in the mirror. Geez.. what did I do to my body? I have lost weight but ouch.. this disease plays on your mind, soul and body. I did get a congrats letter from Kaiser that I passed all their hoops and that they would be sending my info for the tests. I got a call from Pacific Bariatrics saying they got my packet and everything is in order. Guess I passed their test. They give a long true false, mutiple choice test and if you don't pass, they send you another one to retake. So I guess I passed. Ok.. that is where I am with my medical journey. Emotionally, I do fine. I do have days where I am a bitch or still down. We are going to go to vegas on Friday for a week. Can you believe it? I was supposed to have a furlough in Dec. .. a week off. But I did not get to take it because I got sick. So I am using that week to go to vegas. There will be 10 days of no work. I did start school at westwood yesterday. I want my BA. It took alot to get into school and I have no idea how to pay for it. But I took the step and will complete it. Now the best part... my Monday... which was my work "thursday" started off so terrific. Lisa B chose me as someone you should know on the CA board. That was so kewl as I do not know her very well but I do know she is fun and very caring. It meant alot to me to have someone acknowledge me. I love this board. Some people write that others have caused them harm on the board. I have not had that experience at all. These are all wonderful people who know exactly what you feel. Anyway... this is my news... there was alot to write. I am hoping to have a good time in vegas.. I have one more week of work to get through.
May 21, 2007
I haven't written much of late. I have been busy with work, life and trying to get through all my tests. I took all my blood tests. So far I am pre-diabetic and all my blood work came back normal, except that. My ultra sound is on June 30th. My classmate had her surgery on Friday and I am waiting to here how she is doing. My other classmate has done all her testing. She will have surgery in mid June. I still want mine in late July so I will have the time off from work .. with pay! Or else, I would get it done asap. I am going to support meetings when I can. I have not been that good about dieting. But then, I don't want to lose to much weight because I have to have the bmi of over 39. I know... I am not close to that at all. Things have not been bad as of late. I am anxious to get the surgery done and over. I need to be able to live my life again without watching others pass me by when doing activites and all. I want to participate too. I will try to keep my journal up everyday or at least weekly. But there has not been a whole lot to write. I just keep struggling each day to not eat the bad things. As we all know, it is so easy to slide back to bad habits. I don't want to look back once I have the surgery.
May 30, 2006
Well most of my tests are complete. I have the ultrasound on June 30 and then I will wait until kaiser sends in the request. It doesn't take that long now since it is sent in San Diego for approval. One classmate already had her surgery. She sounded really good and had no complications. Another is having surgery today.. I think. Am I nervous since the time is coming up? Well ya.. but then.. no. I have been studying and reading and talking to alot of people and know what to expect in some ways. Everyone is different. These next two months I will be "nesting." I will be getting all the things I need for after the surgery. Just yesterday I went and started unpacking all the boxes I had moved here. Well the ones that I really need. to unpack. I have to make sure I have enough room to be able to be comfortable. I am also getting a african grey. He was born last week and I probably wont get him until after the surgery. That will be kewl because then I will have something else to look forward to. I have named whichever one I get, "finney" short for Phoenix. I will have an african grey with an irish name. Figures .. doesn't it? Work is going ok. Still stuck where I don't want to be. I did get an interesting offer... to design a website for a PD project. I have no idea if they are selecting me to do it.. or if the division will let me go. I don't count on a thing these days... I just go where I go.. and do what I do... and stay out of the limelight as much as possible. Ok.. that is my update and as always.. no news on this end of things...
June 4, 2006
Welcome June! It is the beginning of summer and my count down to having surgery. I have no idea when this will take place as I have my ultra sound on June 30th. I am still hoping for late July or early Aug. Hey it can be in Aug.. no hurry here. I am starting my 900 cal. diet today again. I know I probably gained some lbs back from being out of class. Oh well.... I know I can lose it and keep it off. Work is ok right now and I might be doing some web designing things for the department. If so, that will mean.. out of where I am working and... into something else.. possibly working days and weekends off. Man.. that would be a blessing. Some jobs are going to open up in the city.. and I am going to go for them. Nothing to lose here and all to gain. I have been getting ready making my home ready for when I have surgery. I will start on my bed frame (staining it) next week and also getting my bedroom completely unpacked ... I still have alot of things from the move and do not have the storage I had at the other place. I am having to go buy the plastic drawer bins in order to have my computer and equipment set up right. One step at a time... the bed is most important.. cuz I have to go get a mattress set for it. I am not going to sleep on my mattress that I have now. I am getting a grey parrot in Aug. I know.. not the greatest timing .. but it is born now and it will be ready for pick up in Aug. Now this will be a challange.
June 6, 2006
Heading out to work today with such a heavy heart. Tammy lost her battle to cancer on Saturday and all of us who knew and worked with her in our lil unit are doing someting for her furneral on Friday. She battled 3 types of cancer during her last few years. The first two she beat but her breast cancer came back with such a force. She has two young boys who loved her deeply. It's hard to understand why this happened to her. She was in her late 30s and bam... I am finishing up my web page to her.. I haven't had the time to do it... but now it is my mission to do this. Her life taught us all alot. She was a sweet and loving person who was always happy...even when she was sick. I was told at the end she just wanted to die because she was in so much pain. I guess the lord had something to show us... how brave and strong she actually was. Her death touched my so deeply.. perhaps because I walked with her during her struggles with cancer.. or perhaps .. I know that I miss her smile and her laughter. I would have never thought she was a police officer if I had met her away from work. She has been missed this last year.The last 2 months she did not take visitors... I can't blame her for that. The other sad news about her death is that four days before... her sister died of breast cancer too. That family has had it really tough. This only goes to show me that life is to short to have pettiness inside you and that you need to look at your life and do what is right for you. Having this surgery will be the right thing. I know in my heart that my life will change for the better and I will feel so much more better. I am wondering though....when I lose this weight.. will people treat me differently????
August 11, 2006
It has been quite awhile since writing here. I am lazy about that and I am sorry. Amazing things have happened in the last 2 months. My roomate had surgery for her gallblader. She had symptoms of this and her doc kept giving her other drugs. She made it through and is getting better. I am designing a website for my work. This is not my job... but they needed someone to work with them. They are getting labor.. cheap. I interviewed for another position. It is in the unit I am working with now. I did not get it. I have the experience, the years on the dept (20) but they chose another with 5 yrs... not hardly the computer experience. My guess is that it is my weight. It could be a combination of things.. but I know weight probably is an issue.
Most importantly... kaiser approved me for surgery.. first try. It is different down here in SD. If you complete the classes, they review your health record and approve you if there is nothing else wrong. I have my doctor visits on Friday. That will be a long .. long... day. But I know it will not be as long as the yr and a half of going through this journey. There is an end to this... and then a new journey begins. I have alot to look forward to in the next few weeks. Because I used up all my vacation/sick leave, I need to save more before I can have surgery. I am sure it will be at the end of sept or in oct. I am shooting for oct. I have had so much help and wisdom on this board. Thank you to you all out there. I am happy to be a member of this community. I will keep updating now and post my "thoughts" about this surgery more often now.
August 19, 2006
In 10 days, I will be 51. That really is not old in this time nor is it a time to feel bad about where I am in life. I have really thought about my life and know in my heart that I am happy. I have a very loving person in my life, a beautiful daughter, 3 terrific grandsons, a very demanding bird.. whom I inherited, a sweet pug and a jealous chaillia... I have a good job but I don't like where I am at in that part of my career. All in all.. there is nothing to complain about. Of course, I am heavy... I don't like the way I feel and I know that will change in a few weeks.
I went to my appts with Pacific Bariatric. I saw the pschycritis and the internist. I will have to go back to meet with the surgeon. He was not available that day as he was in surgery still. That is no problem. I am not in a hurry to get this operation done. I need to save more time off at work. The internist was fantastic. He looked at my health and told me.. I have no health problems but I am just "big." That made me feel so good knowing that I can have this surgery with no other concerns about my health. Of course there are concerns about surgery.. but there is not anything added to my worries. Of course, the one I love is nervous. Things will change for us.. but I know for the better. So right now, my mind is at peace and I am getting ready for the next part of my life. On Friday, I am driving up to Stockton to get my african grey. His name is finney and will be a very good addition to our life. We went out and got our other bird, my pal, another cage and the new bird his cage. It's huge. I am going to love having this bird. I guess you could say.. this will be my birthday weekend coming up. We may go up there an extra day and go fishing then pick up the lil critter and come home. We are not sure yet. I will now start to document my feelings more often as my surgery date comes closer.
August 30, 2006
Yep.. yesterday was my birthday. I celebrated it in Stockton the weekend before. We went up there to pick up Finny.. my new lil family member... an african grey, 13 weeks old and full of love and fiest. She's adorable. I go to meet my surgeon, Dr Zorn, on Friday. He will probably ask me to lose a few pounds.. which I will do. I am still looking to having the surgery in mid Nov. I hope that is ok. I am saving up all my time for this surgery and probably will need to get some more bought. There really isn't anything new right now. I am still working on this dang website for work. It is kicking my butt. I am thinking that after this is done I will go back to working in the field again, taking police reports. I think that is the best course for me. I will write again on Friday after my meeting with the doctor.
September 02, 2006
Sweet Words... APPROVED! I went to see Dr Zorn yesterday. I only live 35 minutes from Mercy Scripps but I went early to see if I could get street parking near his medical office. I did not want to pay the $8.00 highway robbery for parking in the lots over there. So.. I drove up there.. found street parking about a block and a half away. It was hot and muggy and I didn't want to sit in the car. So I waited until 12:30 to get out of my car... and I went walking. I was nervous... I hate doctors and this was an important meeting. After waliking a bit I went up to the medical office. I filled out the necessary forms, waited and then was called in. I dreaded the weigh in. I have not been as diligent as I should have been during the time I finished the options class. To my surprise, I did not gain and I did lose a few pounds. Go figure. After a time of sitting around in the fancy blue paper gowns they give you to dress in, I met Dr Zorn. He is a very nice Dr. I had heard he had a mild manner and was really nice. He reviewed my medical history. I do not have any medical problems.. heart great, no high blood pressure, no diabeties, or any other comorbilities. He said I was an excellent candidate for this surgery. APRRRRRRoved...The internist and psch.. already had approved me two weeks ago and had their reports back to Dr Zorn. So now I am waiting to have surgery. I can't really have it until about mid Nov. I know.. Thanksgiving.. but I have had 51 Thanksgivings...... My food will be hummm I am not sure.... water.. shakes???? Ms C is nervous about this surgery. This is life changing and there is alot to take in and always be diligent in working the tool. I know this is right for me. I am at peace with it and Ms C will be by Nov. I have alot to plan. My angel, Lisa B has been such a cheerleader.. and Vicki too. I have had some long paths to follow to get to this place and I could not have done it without Ms C, Lisa and Vicki. Those who read our journals and reading this now... Please embrace this board and those who post on the boards. They are real people who have had the surgery, or are going through the process. It is imporant to ask questions but always follow your doctors advice. I started this process 2 yrs ago.. researching it and when I finally decided I could do this and it was right for me, there were road blocks. I worked around them and got through. I had to do the 24 weeks of options classes at Kaiser. Because we had a super counslor, we had more fun and learned alot. If ya gotta do classes and have a not so great personn heading the class.. make the class interesting yourselves.. Our counslor has since gone on to do other things so she is not at kaiser anymore. They lost a good one when she left. I will keep up to date on this journal now until I have surgery. Thank you to all those on the CA board who has seen me through this journey. I would not be quite as calm about having surgery as I am now.
Sept. 08, 2006
It has been a long week. I have not heard from Pacific Bariatric about a surgery date. But to tell you the truth it is ok. Ms C is having surgery this month on her hand and I needed to wait to see when that was going to happen before I scheduled surgery for me. So now it is just a waiting game. I have been going fishing with Ms C lately. Tomorrow is the Patti LaBelle concert at Harrahs. So I am going to be getting ready for that. I went back to school and am taking an online web class. I need to do homework. The PD site is shaping up. I am hoping I get to stay at that location for a while. I am not looking forward into going back to my other position. I want to now go into the field and work but I will need new uniforms. I am thinking it would be best for me to get out from under the supervisor I have now. We shall see what happens.
September 19, 2006
Hey.. It's official!!!! I wil be a loser on November 17th. I had to pick a later date then they wanted to give me in order to save up days to take off from work. It's just a few days away from Thanksgiving.. and I am sooooooooo thankful that I can have this surgery. I started researching and jumping hoops with Kaiser for about a year and a half. Long time..... but well worth it. I know alot of people are frustrated with Kaiser and their "HOOPS" but I have really not had a bad time of it. I guess I am just the type that knows it will happen when it happens. I have alot to do, plan and take care of. Ms C will be with me at the hospital. She is more nervous about this than I. I think she is bugged that it will affect our lives after the surgery. She knows life will change and it will be different. But then, things change for the better and that is how I am looking at this process. A better Life and a Longer Life. I can't tell you enough how much you all have meant to me on this OH board. I have had tears, laughs, shared stories and educated myself all at the cost of an internet connection. Well now I will know what it feels like to be a Loser.. Get ready because here I come!!!
September 27, 2006
Yesterday I went to Kaisers Postive Choice and had my blood redrawn for surgery. Yep... had 12 vials taken. The tests came back today. Two low levels.. protein and something else. I guess I need to get my protein down better. I have to do the 24 hr urine test tomorrow. I will then drop it off at Kaisers lab here and that will be it. I have a date with Pac Bar. on Nov 16th for preop. So things are going well. Ms C had her surgery on Monday. She is ok..sore and hurting but will be back to normal soon. I am playing nurse. Now I am just bidding time until surgery. Today was rough though. I was sick.. dumped all day.... yuck. I am so hungry but am afraid to eat a thing.. tummy will go sour. I am not really nervous about surgery. Too early to be nervous. Besides, I have so many people on OH that are here for me if I need to talk. I am sure when the time gets closer I will be running to them. So peeps... get ready.. in a month I know I will be knocking on your computer screens to calm me down.
October 1, 2006
This is Oct 1st. Wow... 47 days until surgery. I had to redo the Iurine and blood test this week. The prior test will be out dated by the time I have surgery in Nov. The blood tests surprised me. I need more protein and more iron now. So I went back on my diet I did in options to see if I can raise the levels and get my cholestrol down. I was named person of the Week on CA OH board by Gail R. What a surprise and honor. I had no real reason to know that anyone was paying any attention to my journey. I was overwhelmed to be choosen and what a great week to have been choosen. It was a rough one and today begins yet another one. Work is crap. I like where I am working now but the command is wanting me to go back. I think they want me to fill a position that a pregnant woman is in. She goes on leave soon. Well, got a cog in their plans. I am going to go back and work in the field and they can find someone else to sh##%% on. I have been looking for new jobs with the city. I have 4 yrs until retirement. Ms C and I have been talking about retiring in Burney Ca. It is so beautiful there and quiet. No one really knkows where they will end up but that would be nice. I will just keep our options open. This week I learned that my daughter is having a baby. It will make my 3rd grandchild. Go figure, I have one child and she has 4. She wants a girl this time as she has 3 boys. You know... I think she will have a girl this time.
October 3, 2006
I decided to keep up my journal especially if anything significant happened. Well 2 things did happen. First off last week I was named POTW. I did not expect this as I never know if anyone out there follows my postings or my journal. I guess some have out there.. If you are one of them I hope I am not a boring read. Gail R named me POTW.. what an angel she is... I don't know her in person but love her posts and our correspondence. The next thing that is happening is.... I am going to go back to work "full duty"...I have not done this since about 2 yrs ago. I did not want to go back to working in the unit I was in because of the way I have been treated by a certain supervisor. I hate it when I am treated differently.. so I am taking my own path and deciding what I want to do with it. I am in CHARGE now. I will have to ride and re train with another person. We both do not like each other.. go figure I would get stuck with that person.. yuk. It is only for about a week or two.. and then I am on my own again. My web design job detail is closing... the site is not done but they want me back at the other place.. well.. I am not going into that unit as they had thought I would.. I am going out ... yeaaaaaaa... I have to work nights for two weeks but will have weekends off. I don't know what my schedule will be after that. I don't care.. I can do this. It is now 41 days until surgery. I do not dewll on it as I have so much to do for work and home. I told work that I would be off for about 3 weeks in Nov... I do not think they were happy.. but then.. I Don't Care .. Do I???? I can't believe it is 4 yrs until I retire. Or I can retire. I want another job with the place I work now. I am thinking I do not get my jobs because of my weight. I know if I was a boss.. there is no way I would judge someone unless they were ILL... I am not ill. In fact I am very much in good health.. just big! My Psch doc is changing my meds soon. I have to get off the time release ones.. we will see if I can keep the same meds but not the time release ones. I am hoping as these do work well for me. Otherwise I will need to change the meds. I am doing really well with my diet. Exercise should be more.. but I haven't made more time for more exercise. I am going to start to do that this week.
Member Interests:
Web Development - I want to go to a school to learn it
Gambling - Love the slots
Cruises - I wanna go on em
Boats - We have a fresh water and ocean boat
Antique - Got at 69 mustang I'm restorin
I had my physical on 9/16.. with kaiser (part 1) I could't get part 2 until 10/31. This is ok as I don't really have to have it completed so fast. My visit with Dr. Ray in San Diego will be on Monday. I meet with him to discuss the program and get into a group. I will have to attend 6 months of group to qualify for surgery. This will be good as I will have alot to learn and go through before I do this surgery. I was at 299 lbs on 9/16. I dropped 8 lbs in two months. I wasn't dieting. I am going through escrow with my father's house and maybe it is the stress of this that caused the drop. Well I don't know but I don't miss the 8 lbs.
Got my 2 Angels.. Lynn S. and Vicki M. Thank you for doing this for me. Well tonight I begin the wonderful journey with kaiser. I have my first meeting with Dr. Ray to find out when or if I can go to "group".. geez I almost typed grope. Now that would be a class well attend by some. Anyways.. I have been approved to be in class I just don't know which one. I have enjoyed the chatter on the CA OH board. It has been a sad time with John Ott passing. But there are some wonderful people on it taking care of all the newbies and the ones that are just now going into surgery. I will update tomorrow on the meeting with the good doc.
I had tried to update at work on Thursday, got called away from my desk and when I came back my pc froze. So I am starting this all over again. I have had two weeks in the Kaiser Positive Choice Bariatric Class. The first week, we weighed in and I weighed in at 307 lbs. Not good because at the same place the week before I weighed 299 lbs and I know I did not eat the refrigertor during the week. I did not watch to much of what I ate because I knew I was not going to be able to eat what I wanted after I started classes. I met the counslor who has suffered from anorexia herself. I met Dr. Lott who is the head of the bariatric classes and the Positive Choice Center for Kaiser in San Diego. We talked a little about ourselves and about the surgery, signed a whole bunch of forms and got our weekly diet journals with the foods we must adhere to. Then we all left to ponder what we all had talked about and what we are now required to do before we even get approved for surgery. We don't have to lose the 10 % now with Kaiser but will have to anyways because Pacific Bariatric will insist that we do. Which is good for me because the more I lose for surgery.. the better health I will be in.
I have been coming onto the OH board now for over a month, joining the chats and trying to stay intuned with what is going on with everyone and their struggles and triumphs. There is alot to celebrate. I also come here because as much as I know people at home support me, I think my biggest support will be from knowing others who have done this before and who share their time and stories. Home support is hard right now. I am chosing my own meals and yes, I do go out to eat but eat only what I am suppose to. I limit myself to what I can eat .. and I guess this is the real first time that I have done so. Call it growing up, being more aware of just wanting a different life! I hate not keeping up with people when we go places. I have been getting better at that though. No...... I am not running the marathons yet. I don't think that one is in my plans.... but I can walk a might bit faster since I got my butt off the chair and started doing walking. I know people come to these profiles to gain information or learn about a person who does post on OH boards. So with all you are going to learn about me... I hope ya don't mind me being saracastic or blunt about things. I had my second Kaiser Group meeting on Wed. night. I went down 7 lbs. to 299.5. Ok.. these are the same lbs I started with when I weighed myself the first time in this building. LOL.. gotta love scales~ I feel good, staying on the 1200 cal diet was not as challenging as I would have thought. I can eat a variety of things so I make sure I eat what I really like on this diet and have the good things as a treat for the day. Group was interesting. I have never been in a weight loss group before. Some make silly joking remarks and talk about food all the time. Not about their life, their work or hobbies. It is all centered around food. Of course there were those who did not know that the foods listed on our daily journal were the ones we needed to choose to eat from. One insisted on saying the the starbuck's carmel macholatte was not on the list and where was she suppose to list it. I only shook my head and did not say a word. I wanted to say that there wasn't a list for Cheating but I did not say a word. So .. 7 lbs in a week with a thryroid pill I just started on. We shall see what happens this coming week. I have been released to full duty at work from my doc and this will bring new things. As I won't be doing the office work I have been doing since we hired new staff. There are anxious moments here as to where or what I will be doing for work. Anxious moments contributed to nervous eatting. But because I am recognizing this early I am trying to keep myself from indulging in unwanted foods. Geez.. what a terminology.. is there Unwanted Foods??? Well you know what I mean.. no snacking and eatting anything not on this list!!! Drink lots of water.. geez I am floating. I have to get up at least twice in the pm to visit the bathroom because I am drinking so much more water... so what is the trick? I will experiment in getting all my liquids down before 7pm and see if this helps.
Well this is all my news right now. Lynn.. I updated my journal!!!
Ok…. So I am not a bubbly person. I am not Ms. Smiley either. Never have been.. and I don’t think I ever will be at this stage in my life. First off, I have been on a freakin diet all my life like most of you. In fact, I was on a diet at 6 mons. old I have the baby pics to proof it. I guess back then fat babies were not considered such a health problem. God only knows what my mom fed me back then. But I must have really loved it. Anyway….. I am posting a lil background on me because I really can’t recall if I did that or not. I hate the high price of living in this part of CA though. I love fishing, boating and my kid and 3 grandsons. My parents have passed away already. My mom from emphasema in 2000 and my dad this year 05 in February. He died of .. geez let’s say it was weird. I saw him 2 weeks before he died and he had a cold. He let himself run down, very animic and had other problems that he never went to the doctor before. I know he probably was a heart attack victim since my mom always told me his left arm hurt. But he never went to the doctor. My mom was the person in my life whose opinion usually bothered me. No .. she really didn’t approve of me all the time but I know she was proud of who I became. If she saw me now I would get the weight talk though.
I went to Kasier Options Class. It was # 3 in a series of 24. I lost 7 lbs last week and .5 this week. But I did not gain any!!! Kaiser Classes or “Group” is ok. I go every Wednesday night with about 12-15 of us. We sit and talk about our week, the 1200 cal diet we are all on.. unless you are a man. Then we are going through their booklet about the diet, the surgery and preparing for it. I have no problems going through this class. It was the getting into it that was the hardest. Marcia, our counselor, is very supportative of the wls. She actually makes us accountable for what we eat and why we are eating the wrong things. In no way are we discouraged not to go through the surgery. Our next challenge is deciding which diet to continue on. I am going to go on the partial fast and calorie diet. It will cost me some bucks but I think in the long run it will be ok. What I am worried about is the full fast diet a month before the surgery comes. Geez, I will have to save money for that.
I am having a rough time right now. It is hard to concentrate on anything at one time. My work is wanting me to go back into the field to work. I have a knee injury making this really hard for me to do. In fact, the restrictions on me are for not doing a lot of the field work. So now .. again, I am going through my union and perhaps for the last time asking them to get me out of the dept. and into another job that will retrain me to do something I can do. What a freakin mess this is. I have not worked in the field for 13 long years. I can’t stand for long periods of time, bend, squat, twist, climb stairs or kneel, pick up heavy items. Driving hurts my knee if I am doing it for over 1 hour. I wonder what 9+ hours will do for me? I use to love working in the field. Hummm.. well I am sure the good lord upstairs has plans for me. I will have to be more patient and understanding. I am doing well on the diet though. I am stressed but not going to food to comfort me or help me feel better. I drink gallons of water and pee like crazy. I wish the weight would come off easier. Exercising is hard for me. I think that will be my challenge. Tomorrow I have my part 2 kasier physical. I will just be going over my part one exam and turning in a stool sample. My blood work is good, have a low thyroid but I am good.
It has been quite awhile that I have updated this. I have been ill and not working. I have a low thyroid and got mega panic attacks and had to go on medication. They took me off work for a couple of months. I am on thyroid meds now and anti depressants. I have to go once a week to a work clinic. I am doing better at the moment. I am still going to kaisers bariatic classes and must report here that I am 23 lbs down now. I have 12 more lbs to lose for surgery. I won't be done with this class until March 29. I really enjoy this class since I have been going. The group is great and I am learning alot about the journey I am going to be taking.
Happy New Year! It has been 3 long months of continuing this journey. I have been attending the Kaiser classes and am now down 28 lbs. I have 3 more months of classes to go through before I actually get to pacific bariatic for surgery. I will have lost my 10% and all I will have to do is the tests and then schedule surgery. I am guessing it would be in July or Aug. I alot of things have been happening .. I am still out of work. Since the diagnose of my thyroid condition, I have been undergoing treatment. I have other hormonal complications so it really messed up my balance. I should return to work in Feb. It has been nice being off.. wish I was rich.. then I could do what I wanted for work and not have to go back to my position. I have been quite on the boards for OH. I have kept up on everyone though.
Well I did it. I lost my 10% of weight required by Pacific Bariatric. I am down to 271 and lost a total of 37lbs. I have 4 more classes left with kaiser and then I will be going through the testing and consult with Pac. Bar. I know from reading the posts that persistence is the key to getting all that is requred done. I was told by our instructor that it usually takes 3 months to get the surgery after you have lost your 10% weight and completed the tests, been approved by kaiser's board, etc. To tell you the truth, I want the surgery to be in Aug. The reason being is that I need to save up days for sick leave and if requred use the family medical leave act to take the days off without worrying about work. I have been absent on the boards for some time. I had a thyroid problem that sent me into a hormonal tisy for awhile. I have it corrected now and am on my way to being better. I have been out of work for 4 months now.. unpaid and am going back on Sat. It sucks.. I have to work weekends, light duty, and on second watch. This is until March 30th and I see my doctor again. If he releases me.. then off to working in the field again. I have not done that is 10 or more yrs. Anyway.. I am back on the boards again and off to a happier lifestyle. Thank you all for posting and giving me things to read while I have struggled with my health.
I have 4 more options classes at kaiser. Tonight is class #20 weeks. I am down over 35 lbs. I cant give a real weight until tonight. But... last night I went to the Pacific Bariatric Seminar at Mercy Hospital. We had to weigh in.. I weighed in at 267lbs. Ok.. last week at kaiser I weighed 271. I had lost my 10% weight. So this means another 4 lbs gone. This on another scale.. but official since it is pacific bariatics scale. That is 40lbs gone since I started on this diet or life style change Oct.7th. I can bend better.. still have bad knees so getting up is not alot of fun. I do recall going fishing with my partner one day. We rented a boat to go into the lake. Now.. for those who dont go fishing... call to mind an aluminum boat and 2 people. But.. getting into the boat (with a bad knee) that is on water is pretty difficult. It can be done and has been.. I can atest to it. But hell.. getting out of the boat is really hard. Not fun.... so I fixed the problem.. I went out and bought a fiberglass Marlin boat in which I can step into and out of. No long distance dock problems anymore. It is so hard being obese in just doing the everyday things you need to do.. but doing what you love to do is just as hard. But.. I will not allow this weight to control me not doing what I love to do. Somethings I can no longer do.. but those that I can do with some effort I will continue to do. I went to Pacific Bariatric's seminar last night. A number of my kaiser classmates went too. We sat together. Anyway.. I did find out my new weight loss and got all the paperwork to fill out. I go to class tonight and then... 3 weeks more to go.
Oh man.. lost another 2 1/2 lbs and now down to 265. I have lost 42 lbs since I began this journey. I am going to shoot to be 260 by the time I end these options classes. I have two more weeks to go until I take complete charge of this ride. Right now I am in Kaiser's hands and will be until they approve me for the exercise test portion of options. I know.. walk around their building 5 x without assistance. No problem. I walked Disney World all day... paid the price for it.. but I did it. After the test.. I am then have to wait until cleared to do the ultra sound and blood work. I am in no hurry to have the surgery. I think July would be a good time. I might have enough days saved from work to take off and be paid. Most people want to hurry and hurry to have the surgery. Me.. it will happen when it is the right time. I have to now start planning for life after class and staying on this lifestyle change.. ok we all know it is a DIET and I am a Size Challanged Person.. I think we all know what we need to eat and not eat. Funny thing now... I can stay on this diet easily and not be swayed to eat things that I shouldn't. I have been trying to really have a "STOP" light in my brain when I am tempted. It usually works.. then once in awhile.. I run the light. I am also preparing what I will need for after sugery... vitamins... supplements, etc. My room is getting stocke piled with Nutra Receipe boxes. You would think I opened my own store. Ok.. so 2 more classes to go and then off to the weekly support classes. I know I need them in order to continue staying on track and to get my protein supplement. Hey... getting into some jeans now that I couldn't get into before. It is kewl I had bought the wrong size on some of them.. cuz some of these are new. I am down a X in size. I haven't had clothes bag on my in quite awhile. It feels damn good. I had my first full week at work. Man.. I am stuck in hell. I work in the telephone report unit. This is a unit for people that are injured or pending investigation. Thank god right now it is only hurt people. I have been in the investigation position before and it sucks until it is over. Its very stressful on you.. and I know part of my weight gain was from stress at work. Work still sucks though. I take ten or more reports a shift on average. Usually the people are ok.. but there are some adam henrys (a$$h...s) that are really pretty terrible. Not that I blame them.. but don't shoot the person helping ya. The bad part.. I work nights.. and no weekends off... get home at 10:30 at night. It sucks.. did I say that already? I am going to concentrate more on my exercise now. I have slacked on it.. but have been busy with the move we made. Boy that was exhausting and we haven't completly unpacked yet. But now is the time to turn it up and make a difference in that area.
It has been an amazing week. For one.. I have signed up to walk in the 3day breast cancer walk. Yea.. me. I went to a meeting with my friend and we signed up. Now I am going to train for the walk and I have to raise 2,200 dollars. I have put in more time to ask people for money.. but I havent been able to get even 5 bucks. You'd think someone would offer that. But not yet. I also signed up for school..online to get my BA. This is a huge comittment and one that I have wanted to do. So now I am going to actually study web designing with real structure. Next but not least... tonight was my 23rd week of options class. I have done my 10% weight loss and more. It has been quite a long journey. I started at 307 and am now at 265. I have one more week of class and then await my approval to do the exercise test. Walk around the building 5 x. Then onto the tests and off to pacific bariartic. I am nervous, excited anxious. I also know the things I need to do for work. I need some time so I will have at least 2 weeks of sick leave. Don't know if I can do that since I am starting at zero. I will just keep plugging away at it and save what I can.
I went to the SD luncheon yesterday and met alot of people from OH. It was truly an inspiration to see how far they have come and well they are doing... especially the ones who had a hard time with surgery. It was alot of fun. I do not talk much and hope that is not really held against me. I am always quiet when I don't know people. I do not go out of my way to meet new people .. so me going to the luncheon was really a major thing. Ok.. got to work yesterday and had a note from people there saying the dr. at positive choice was trying to reach me and that it was urgent. Ok.. urgent .. like how...??? I have not had tests to that cant be it.. I am having an insurance problem but I don't think a dr. would be trying to reach me on that ... I have met weight and all the goals that Kaiser wanted me to reach.. so maybe it is that I can continue on... Or else... she was just trying to reach me.. and work was making it an "urgent" message. I have changed my phone number with work and Kaiser.. I guess they have not yet caught up and made the changes or the Dr. did not call Kaiser's membership and got my new number. Now the Doc is not in until Tues so.. I have to wait 3 days to find out what is going on. No big deal...it isn't bad news like I am sick.
I am reflecting on the last fews days.... Ok.. what does that mean??? It means I am taking stock of where I want to go in life and how to realistically get there. I am the type to always give and have a very hard time giving to myself. This surgery will be for me. I am not great social creature. I am quiet, love my own space and not one to venture out of it. When I do.. it is a big deal.. especially if I do it alone. People need to realize that there are different types of people in this world. We want acceptance from people due to our weight.. yet we punish people for their personality. Doesn't make sense to me...yet I experience it and see it so many times. I have stressed out about things at home and work.. have I blown my diet over this.. NO. I guess I have learned something in these options classes after all. I am stressed also about this "urgent" call from the doctor at options. I find it curious since I have not heard from her since I began this class on Oct 6th. She is in charge of the program and is the referal for patients to continue on for wls. I am thinking it is because my work sent me a letter stating that if I did not pay a small portion of my medical ins. while I was out then I would not be covered for that portion. I paid it...I am fine. Otherwise I have no clue as to why a doctor would be calling all over to talk to me.
Here it is .. the day I have been looking forward to. It has been 6 long months of taking Options Classes at Kaiser. I learned alot..and the important things about this wls surgery was really stressed. I lost 43 lbs so far. I have to weigh in tonight for a final count. I wanted to get to 260 but 263 aint half bad. I had to fight with Kaiser today about my ins. Yea.. again.. after 45 min of phone calls to the city and to kaiser.. I am truly insured. I just wish that Positive Choice would get into the same computer system that the membership gets into. You would think that a doctor who is the administrator would just call membership to inquire if I was in fact insured. A simple phone call. Or perhaps.. membership would call her and let her know... well it isn't memberships fault.. they have no idea what classes I was in. The doctor or her staff could have done the phone call. Anyway.. it is Kaiser .. what else is there to say? But no more food journals.. I have to keep up on my diet.. but I dont have to fill out the journals. I wonder if I should though.. in a book. Well after tonight I will begin this journey to the next stage. The exercise test.. which is walking around a bldg 5 x unassisted. My paperwork is sent in to Kaiser for approval.. then the tests.. then Pacific Baratric gets me. I am not in a hurry for surgery as I need the time saved up for it. I sure as hell dont want to go through this ins. nightmare again. I am proud of myself for sticking through this... not giving up when I gained a pound.. and of course .. not eating when so stressed. I got through it. Now I just have to keep getting through it. Thanks to the people on OH CALIF board.. I have laughed, cried and learned so much. Let's hope tonight is just a great as I think it will be. It is kind of like a graduation of some sort. Wow.. I wont be seeing the same people every wed unless they go to the support meetings on Thurs. The dude with the same shorts and green shirt will be no more... I wont see the lady who seems to be bitter every week.. no more late janiece.. or seeing Dan walk around the bldg. YOU GO DAN... I will be moving on... since I did lose the 10% they wanted me to... but I wont leave what I have learned behind.
I thought with the completion of my options class that I would be sleeping well. I kept waking up last night. Guess my mind was on what I had done, gone through and am about to go through. Not having to go to the class where I spent so many months with the same people is good. But I am going to miss the support I had with some of them. I think as a bunch we have made a few friends or we have stayed at a distance. But I do know if there was something I needed to ask.. they would be there for me. Yet, I gain so much more from the people on this board. Because I have been on this board for a long time, I had pretty much knew much of what was in this class. The class was something I needed to do in order to go along with the program. The counslor was awesome. She will no longer be at kaiser, as we were her last class. But she did give us her phone number if we needed something and to tell her when we are set with surgery. Secret here: I found that she does seminars for groups and is connected to an organization. LOL.. found her website and boy... the pic on it is young. She doent look like that anymore. I sent her an email but have no idea if she will receive it. I don't know if she is still active with the organization. Anyway, now I am 257.5 lbs. Remember I said that at the end of this class I wanted to be 260? Well there you go... my bmi is 50.5 now. I feel great. Next is waiting for an exercise test which consists of walking around a bldg 5x unaided. Then the paperwork goes to the doc and then I get a call to come get my lab slips for all my tests. I am on my way. Before we left last night there was a form we had to sign and turn in. It asked what we wanted to do next: continue on in the process to have the surgery, not go with surgery and do another weight progrsm, stop the process and wait to decide what to do. Of course I checked .. continue on. But this is the first time I actually had to sign something for surgery. Like it is finally here and I am actually going to be doing this monumental thing in my life. I still have to have hours saved from work to take the time off with pay. So I am thinking in July, Aug... summer months. Wow... I have tons of questions and things I want to list but can't concentrate to do that. I guess I just want to soak all this in and be happy I passed and finished this 24 week course. Thank you Marcia...........you're such a good counslor and guide.
I guess it is time for me to keep up my journal. I have had a busy week. Not with weight issues but with school. I want to go back to school, get my ba in web designing and finally pursue my ambition to be a top notch designer. I don't have to get a Ba of course but in researching the jobs available out there, alot of companies want you to be a college grad. So I am trying to set up my courses and get funding. Not an easy thing.. getting funds for school. I do not have the best credit and yet I have no more bills to pay. So it has been a challenge working with the school to be able to begin classes next week. I did my walking test with kaiser.. no problem. It was easy.. and now.. I got my letter from Kaiser saying that I will get a call to get my lab slips and start my tests that are needed for the surgery. Now if all goes well and there is nothing wrong with me.. I will have those results sent to the San Diego office which will then recommend me for surgery. If I get that approval letter then I contact PB for surgery. Then I go see their docs.. and do their appts. I am looking at getting surgery by the end of July. I pretty much had that figured last year. So.. we will wait and see what happens next.
I thought I would come here and update what has been going on with me personally and with my "journey." First of all, I am still working nites and don't like it at all. This is not going to change much. Went to Harrahs to play. Didn't win anything but we did have a good time. I did my treadmill test last Wednesday with no problem. It was really easy. The lady at the clinic said she would submit my paperwork to the Dr and then I would get my lab work done. Boy.. sometimes I feel like I want to go back to my comfort zone and in class. This is going really fast now. A woman from my options class has been emailing me to see what if anything has happened with the next step. She did do the walking test and is also awaiting when her labs get set up. So I called Kaiser and left a message with the woman in charge. Unfortunately, she called while I was trying to win my millions at harrahs. I missed the call. She did say she has my paperwork and we can set up my blood work. Yikes.. I must call my pcp and ask if I should increase my thyroid meds. I am a lil low still. She is going to call me back on Monday. I think she works nights. How kewl would that be.. NOT. I will have to call her back today, leave a message that I am not home on Monday nights and give her my cell #. That should take care of that. I am excited but not. I still will have to wait until Late July to get the surgery. I need to save my time from work and my friend needs to have the time to take off in case I need her. I am not in a rush until I see myself in the mirror. Geez.. what did I do to my body? I have lost weight but ouch.. this disease plays on your mind, soul and body. I did get a congrats letter from Kaiser that I passed all their hoops and that they would be sending my info for the tests. I got a call from Pacific Bariatrics saying they got my packet and everything is in order. Guess I passed their test. They give a long true false, mutiple choice test and if you don't pass, they send you another one to retake. So I guess I passed. Ok.. that is where I am with my medical journey. Emotionally, I do fine. I do have days where I am a bitch or still down. We are going to go to vegas on Friday for a week. Can you believe it? I was supposed to have a furlough in Dec. .. a week off. But I did not get to take it because I got sick. So I am using that week to go to vegas. There will be 10 days of no work. I did start school at westwood yesterday. I want my BA. It took alot to get into school and I have no idea how to pay for it. But I took the step and will complete it. Now the best part... my Monday... which was my work "thursday" started off so terrific. Lisa B chose me as someone you should know on the CA board. That was so kewl as I do not know her very well but I do know she is fun and very caring. It meant alot to me to have someone acknowledge me. I love this board. Some people write that others have caused them harm on the board. I have not had that experience at all. These are all wonderful people who know exactly what you feel. Anyway... this is my news... there was alot to write. I am hoping to have a good time in vegas.. I have one more week of work to get through.
I haven't written much of late. I have been busy with work, life and trying to get through all my tests. I took all my blood tests. So far I am pre-diabetic and all my blood work came back normal, except that. My ultra sound is on June 30th. My classmate had her surgery on Friday and I am waiting to here how she is doing. My other classmate has done all her testing. She will have surgery in mid June. I still want mine in late July so I will have the time off from work .. with pay! Or else, I would get it done asap. I am going to support meetings when I can. I have not been that good about dieting. But then, I don't want to lose to much weight because I have to have the bmi of over 39. I know... I am not close to that at all. Things have not been bad as of late. I am anxious to get the surgery done and over. I need to be able to live my life again without watching others pass me by when doing activites and all. I want to participate too. I will try to keep my journal up everyday or at least weekly. But there has not been a whole lot to write. I just keep struggling each day to not eat the bad things. As we all know, it is so easy to slide back to bad habits. I don't want to look back once I have the surgery.
Well most of my tests are complete. I have the ultrasound on June 30 and then I will wait until kaiser sends in the request. It doesn't take that long now since it is sent in San Diego for approval. One classmate already had her surgery. She sounded really good and had no complications. Another is having surgery today.. I think. Am I nervous since the time is coming up? Well ya.. but then.. no. I have been studying and reading and talking to alot of people and know what to expect in some ways. Everyone is different. These next two months I will be "nesting." I will be getting all the things I need for after the surgery. Just yesterday I went and started unpacking all the boxes I had moved here. Well the ones that I really need. to unpack. I have to make sure I have enough room to be able to be comfortable. I am also getting a african grey. He was born last week and I probably wont get him until after the surgery. That will be kewl because then I will have something else to look forward to. I have named whichever one I get, "finney" short for Phoenix. I will have an african grey with an irish name. Figures .. doesn't it? Work is going ok. Still stuck where I don't want to be. I did get an interesting offer... to design a website for a PD project. I have no idea if they are selecting me to do it.. or if the division will let me go. I don't count on a thing these days... I just go where I go.. and do what I do... and stay out of the limelight as much as possible. Ok.. that is my update and as always.. no news on this end of things...
Welcome June! It is the beginning of summer and my count down to having surgery. I have no idea when this will take place as I have my ultra sound on June 30th. I am still hoping for late July or early Aug. Hey it can be in Aug.. no hurry here. I am starting my 900 cal. diet today again. I know I probably gained some lbs back from being out of class. Oh well.... I know I can lose it and keep it off. Work is ok right now and I might be doing some web designing things for the department. If so, that will mean.. out of where I am working and... into something else.. possibly working days and weekends off. Man.. that would be a blessing. Some jobs are going to open up in the city.. and I am going to go for them. Nothing to lose here and all to gain. I have been getting ready making my home ready for when I have surgery. I will start on my bed frame (staining it) next week and also getting my bedroom completely unpacked ... I still have alot of things from the move and do not have the storage I had at the other place. I am having to go buy the plastic drawer bins in order to have my computer and equipment set up right. One step at a time... the bed is most important.. cuz I have to go get a mattress set for it. I am not going to sleep on my mattress that I have now. I am getting a grey parrot in Aug. I know.. not the greatest timing .. but it is born now and it will be ready for pick up in Aug. Now this will be a challange.
Heading out to work today with such a heavy heart. Tammy lost her battle to cancer on Saturday and all of us who knew and worked with her in our lil unit are doing someting for her furneral on Friday. She battled 3 types of cancer during her last few years. The first two she beat but her breast cancer came back with such a force. She has two young boys who loved her deeply. It's hard to understand why this happened to her. She was in her late 30s and bam... I am finishing up my web page to her.. I haven't had the time to do it... but now it is my mission to do this. Her life taught us all alot. She was a sweet and loving person who was always happy...even when she was sick. I was told at the end she just wanted to die because she was in so much pain. I guess the lord had something to show us... how brave and strong she actually was. Her death touched my so deeply.. perhaps because I walked with her during her struggles with cancer.. or perhaps .. I know that I miss her smile and her laughter. I would have never thought she was a police officer if I had met her away from work. She has been missed this last year.The last 2 months she did not take visitors... I can't blame her for that. The other sad news about her death is that four days before... her sister died of breast cancer too. That family has had it really tough. This only goes to show me that life is to short to have pettiness inside you and that you need to look at your life and do what is right for you. Having this surgery will be the right thing. I know in my heart that my life will change for the better and I will feel so much more better. I am wondering though....when I lose this weight.. will people treat me differently????
It has been quite awhile since writing here. I am lazy about that and I am sorry. Amazing things have happened in the last 2 months. My roomate had surgery for her gallblader. She had symptoms of this and her doc kept giving her other drugs. She made it through and is getting better. I am designing a website for my work. This is not my job... but they needed someone to work with them. They are getting labor.. cheap. I interviewed for another position. It is in the unit I am working with now. I did not get it. I have the experience, the years on the dept (20) but they chose another with 5 yrs... not hardly the computer experience. My guess is that it is my weight. It could be a combination of things.. but I know weight probably is an issue.
Most importantly... kaiser approved me for surgery.. first try. It is different down here in SD. If you complete the classes, they review your health record and approve you if there is nothing else wrong. I have my doctor visits on Friday. That will be a long .. long... day. But I know it will not be as long as the yr and a half of going through this journey. There is an end to this... and then a new journey begins. I have alot to look forward to in the next few weeks. Because I used up all my vacation/sick leave, I need to save more before I can have surgery. I am sure it will be at the end of sept or in oct. I am shooting for oct. I have had so much help and wisdom on this board. Thank you to you all out there. I am happy to be a member of this community. I will keep updating now and post my "thoughts" about this surgery more often now.
In 10 days, I will be 51. That really is not old in this time nor is it a time to feel bad about where I am in life. I have really thought about my life and know in my heart that I am happy. I have a very loving person in my life, a beautiful daughter, 3 terrific grandsons, a very demanding bird.. whom I inherited, a sweet pug and a jealous chaillia... I have a good job but I don't like where I am at in that part of my career. All in all.. there is nothing to complain about. Of course, I am heavy... I don't like the way I feel and I know that will change in a few weeks.
I went to my appts with Pacific Bariatric. I saw the pschycritis and the internist. I will have to go back to meet with the surgeon. He was not available that day as he was in surgery still. That is no problem. I am not in a hurry to get this operation done. I need to save more time off at work. The internist was fantastic. He looked at my health and told me.. I have no health problems but I am just "big." That made me feel so good knowing that I can have this surgery with no other concerns about my health. Of course there are concerns about surgery.. but there is not anything added to my worries. Of course, the one I love is nervous. Things will change for us.. but I know for the better. So right now, my mind is at peace and I am getting ready for the next part of my life. On Friday, I am driving up to Stockton to get my african grey. His name is finney and will be a very good addition to our life. We went out and got our other bird, my pal, another cage and the new bird his cage. It's huge. I am going to love having this bird. I guess you could say.. this will be my birthday weekend coming up. We may go up there an extra day and go fishing then pick up the lil critter and come home. We are not sure yet. I will now start to document my feelings more often as my surgery date comes closer.
Yep.. yesterday was my birthday. I celebrated it in Stockton the weekend before. We went up there to pick up Finny.. my new lil family member... an african grey, 13 weeks old and full of love and fiest. She's adorable. I go to meet my surgeon, Dr Zorn, on Friday. He will probably ask me to lose a few pounds.. which I will do. I am still looking to having the surgery in mid Nov. I hope that is ok. I am saving up all my time for this surgery and probably will need to get some more bought. There really isn't anything new right now. I am still working on this dang website for work. It is kicking my butt. I am thinking that after this is done I will go back to working in the field again, taking police reports. I think that is the best course for me. I will write again on Friday after my meeting with the doctor.
Sweet Words... APPROVED! I went to see Dr Zorn yesterday. I only live 35 minutes from Mercy Scripps but I went early to see if I could get street parking near his medical office. I did not want to pay the $8.00 highway robbery for parking in the lots over there. So.. I drove up there.. found street parking about a block and a half away. It was hot and muggy and I didn't want to sit in the car. So I waited until 12:30 to get out of my car... and I went walking. I was nervous... I hate doctors and this was an important meeting. After waliking a bit I went up to the medical office. I filled out the necessary forms, waited and then was called in. I dreaded the weigh in. I have not been as diligent as I should have been during the time I finished the options class. To my surprise, I did not gain and I did lose a few pounds. Go figure. After a time of sitting around in the fancy blue paper gowns they give you to dress in, I met Dr Zorn. He is a very nice Dr. I had heard he had a mild manner and was really nice. He reviewed my medical history. I do not have any medical problems.. heart great, no high blood pressure, no diabeties, or any other comorbilities. He said I was an excellent candidate for this surgery. APRRRRRRoved...The internist and psch.. already had approved me two weeks ago and had their reports back to Dr Zorn. So now I am waiting to have surgery. I can't really have it until about mid Nov. I know.. Thanksgiving.. but I have had 51 Thanksgivings...... My food will be hummm I am not sure.... water.. shakes???? Ms C is nervous about this surgery. This is life changing and there is alot to take in and always be diligent in working the tool. I know this is right for me. I am at peace with it and Ms C will be by Nov. I have alot to plan. My angel, Lisa B has been such a cheerleader.. and Vicki too. I have had some long paths to follow to get to this place and I could not have done it without Ms C, Lisa and Vicki. Those who read our journals and reading this now... Please embrace this board and those who post on the boards. They are real people who have had the surgery, or are going through the process. It is imporant to ask questions but always follow your doctors advice. I started this process 2 yrs ago.. researching it and when I finally decided I could do this and it was right for me, there were road blocks. I worked around them and got through. I had to do the 24 weeks of options classes at Kaiser. Because we had a super counslor, we had more fun and learned alot. If ya gotta do classes and have a not so great personn heading the class.. make the class interesting yourselves.. Our counslor has since gone on to do other things so she is not at kaiser anymore. They lost a good one when she left. I will keep up to date on this journal now until I have surgery. Thank you to all those on the CA board who has seen me through this journey. I would not be quite as calm about having surgery as I am now.
It has been a long week. I have not heard from Pacific Bariatric about a surgery date. But to tell you the truth it is ok. Ms C is having surgery this month on her hand and I needed to wait to see when that was going to happen before I scheduled surgery for me. So now it is just a waiting game. I have been going fishing with Ms C lately. Tomorrow is the Patti LaBelle concert at Harrahs. So I am going to be getting ready for that. I went back to school and am taking an online web class. I need to do homework. The PD site is shaping up. I am hoping I get to stay at that location for a while. I am not looking forward into going back to my other position. I want to now go into the field and work but I will need new uniforms. I am thinking it would be best for me to get out from under the supervisor I have now. We shall see what happens.
Hey.. It's official!!!! I wil be a loser on November 17th. I had to pick a later date then they wanted to give me in order to save up days to take off from work. It's just a few days away from Thanksgiving.. and I am sooooooooo thankful that I can have this surgery. I started researching and jumping hoops with Kaiser for about a year and a half. Long time..... but well worth it. I know alot of people are frustrated with Kaiser and their "HOOPS" but I have really not had a bad time of it. I guess I am just the type that knows it will happen when it happens. I have alot to do, plan and take care of. Ms C will be with me at the hospital. She is more nervous about this than I. I think she is bugged that it will affect our lives after the surgery. She knows life will change and it will be different. But then, things change for the better and that is how I am looking at this process. A better Life and a Longer Life. I can't tell you enough how much you all have meant to me on this OH board. I have had tears, laughs, shared stories and educated myself all at the cost of an internet connection. Well now I will know what it feels like to be a Loser.. Get ready because here I come!!!
Yesterday I went to Kaisers Postive Choice and had my blood redrawn for surgery. Yep... had 12 vials taken. The tests came back today. Two low levels.. protein and something else. I guess I need to get my protein down better. I have to do the 24 hr urine test tomorrow. I will then drop it off at Kaisers lab here and that will be it. I have a date with Pac Bar. on Nov 16th for preop. So things are going well. Ms C had her surgery on Monday. She is ok..sore and hurting but will be back to normal soon. I am playing nurse. Now I am just bidding time until surgery. Today was rough though. I was sick.. dumped all day.... yuck. I am so hungry but am afraid to eat a thing.. tummy will go sour. I am not really nervous about surgery. Too early to be nervous. Besides, I have so many people on OH that are here for me if I need to talk. I am sure when the time gets closer I will be running to them. So peeps... get ready.. in a month I know I will be knocking on your computer screens to calm me down.
This is Oct 1st. Wow... 47 days until surgery. I had to redo the Iurine and blood test this week. The prior test will be out dated by the time I have surgery in Nov. The blood tests surprised me. I need more protein and more iron now. So I went back on my diet I did in options to see if I can raise the levels and get my cholestrol down. I was named person of the Week on CA OH board by Gail R. What a surprise and honor. I had no real reason to know that anyone was paying any attention to my journey. I was overwhelmed to be choosen and what a great week to have been choosen. It was a rough one and today begins yet another one. Work is crap. I like where I am working now but the command is wanting me to go back. I think they want me to fill a position that a pregnant woman is in. She goes on leave soon. Well, got a cog in their plans. I am going to go back and work in the field and they can find someone else to sh##%% on. I have been looking for new jobs with the city. I have 4 yrs until retirement. Ms C and I have been talking about retiring in Burney Ca. It is so beautiful there and quiet. No one really knkows where they will end up but that would be nice. I will just keep our options open. This week I learned that my daughter is having a baby. It will make my 3rd grandchild. Go figure, I have one child and she has 4. She wants a girl this time as she has 3 boys. You know... I think she will have a girl this time.
I decided to keep up my journal especially if anything significant happened. Well 2 things did happen. First off last week I was named POTW. I did not expect this as I never know if anyone out there follows my postings or my journal. I guess some have out there.. If you are one of them I hope I am not a boring read. Gail R named me POTW.. what an angel she is... I don't know her in person but love her posts and our correspondence. The next thing that is happening is.... I am going to go back to work "full duty"...I have not done this since about 2 yrs ago. I did not want to go back to working in the unit I was in because of the way I have been treated by a certain supervisor. I hate it when I am treated differently.. so I am taking my own path and deciding what I want to do with it. I am in CHARGE now. I will have to ride and re train with another person. We both do not like each other.. go figure I would get stuck with that person.. yuk. It is only for about a week or two.. and then I am on my own again. My web design job detail is closing... the site is not done but they want me back at the other place.. well.. I am not going into that unit as they had thought I would.. I am going out ... yeaaaaaaa... I have to work nights for two weeks but will have weekends off. I don't know what my schedule will be after that. I don't care.. I can do this. It is now 41 days until surgery. I do not dewll on it as I have so much to do for work and home. I told work that I would be off for about 3 weeks in Nov... I do not think they were happy.. but then.. I Don't Care .. Do I???? I can't believe it is 4 yrs until I retire. Or I can retire. I want another job with the place I work now. I am thinking I do not get my jobs because of my weight. I know if I was a boss.. there is no way I would judge someone unless they were ILL... I am not ill. In fact I am very much in good health.. just big! My Psch doc is changing my meds soon. I have to get off the time release ones.. we will see if I can keep the same meds but not the time release ones. I am hoping as these do work well for me. Otherwise I will need to change the meds. I am doing really well with my diet. Exercise should be more.. but I haven't made more time for more exercise. I am going to start to do that this week.
Music Video:TIME WARP (by The Rocky Horror Picture Show)
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