So today is day 5 of my liquid fast in preparation for revisional gastric bypass coming up this Friday 06/10/2016. After watching some videos and reading some other people’s experiences I figured I should start documenting my journey again. I will post everything when I feel comfortable about it.

Some background:

Feb 2003 I had gastric bypass (RNY) my weight at that time was 373, and I wound up losing an obscene amount of weight. In 2005 I had reconstructive surgery to get rid of all of the excess skin, it was on the discovery health channel. I mention this because I ended up having to be on a time schedule of when each procedure was done, and because of this I did not have enough time to recover between each surgery and wound up becoming very ill. I was fainting having blood sugar levels as low as 15 (near death), at that point I was advised to drink “real” soda.. This was a BAD idea because it triggered a massive weight gain in a small amount of time. Within a year I ended up putting  100lbs back on.

Once I was able to get everything to calm down, and stabilize I was at 250lbs.. I became fairly stable, however I ended up gaining about 30-40 more lbs. through the years. At that point I ended up stabilizing and not gaining more, but also could not lose it. I would lose 5lbs but gain it back the next week, and it kept doing this. So I figured I would consult a surgeon to see what my options were as far as a revision, before I wound up nearly 400lbs again.

My insurance sent me to Dr. Coon who is the leading expert in gastric bypass revisions, and one of the only few surgeons who perform them in California. After talking to him, we decided to start the process of  getting approved for the revision. I had an upper gi, small bowl series etc. He said that most likely not enough intestine was bypassed initially and I absorb too many calories per cm, so he would bypass more but still stay in the safe zone to prevent malabsorption. He plans to also inflate my stomach during surgery to see if it is stretched or still an acceptable size. Also, he will be removing the old stomach hanging out there, apparently it lingering there releases too many hunger hormones, and also can be behind unexplained abdominal pain… since it is not attached to any of the digestive tubing, and imaging cannot reach it to see what’s going on with it.

Back to the present:

So like I said I’m on day 5 of the liquid fasting. I can have 5 protein shakes, and 1 frozen meal under 300 calories…. Also unlimited zero calorie liquids, and sugar free candy/popsicle. It has been torture! The first few days were the worst. The less I move around, the better I am at handling it. When I have my frozen meal it helps a lot, and having the sugar free Popsicle is a life saver let me tell you. My initial weight was 290 and Monday 06/06/2016 it was 277, today I am the same so I am guessing body is in starvation mode and like nope you aren’t losing any more lbs. right now. We will see what happens.

Emotionally, it’s been rough too. I keep getting scared, wondering if I am doing the right thing… if anything goes wrong how badly will I blame myself etc. Considering I am doing this because I want to be healthy, and able to move around again without pain, asthma etc… I think it will be worth it. If the sole reason was to be “skinny” or considered “hot” by society, then I think I would severely regret it and hate myself. I just have to keep reminding myself of why I am doing this, and keep it in perspective. A lot of people do not understand what it is like to go through all of this. That is ok, maybe writing about it will help them to, and maybe it won’t. I know there will always be hateful people who will make their comments, but I am putting myself out there for those who need it.

Just keep in mind, diet and exercise is not successful for everyone. Some people’s bodies like to be stupid and give issues. I wish the medical community would spend more time researching those who fail to lose weight when dieting and exercising and seeing what underlying factors there are. Rather than just assuming it’s because they eat like shit, and live a sedentary lifestyle. I started becoming overweight when I was a child, and I was an active child. I played hard, and was always outside. My eating wasn’t the best, but it also wasn’t the worst.. Not until after I had been through every diet and exercise program did the eating get out of control to where I ate obscene amounts of food. I have realized that eating is an emotional thing too. Lately I have gotten a pretty good grip on it. I’ve learned to recognize how comforting it can be, and finding new ways to comfort myself rather than eating… I’ve kind of had to force myself to with this liquid fast. It’s gotten easier, but I have my moments of crazy… but I also think it’s because I’ve been off my depression pill, so my emotions are balancing out.

Anyway, I will write more before the surgery or the day of… and give an updated weight then. I don’t know when I’ll be up to writing again after surgery, but I will try to make an effort to write at least once a week with updates, emotions, thoughts, etc.