xsadiehawkinsx
SO.. my story..
I gained most of my weight after i graduated from High school. By 2009 i was 240 lbs. When I moved to Texas, my parents suggested I get lap-band. I didn't know much about it other than 'it was the easy way out and totally reversible' like those cool purses you can turn inside out when you get bored of the original color. My doctor was in the Woodlands and treated me pretty much like cattle in cattle call. 'Next!", but i didn't care. I wasn't taking this as serious as i should have, i figured all my problems would be solved.
My BMI was only 39 at the time and in order to get my insurance to cover the procedure i had to be at least 40, so of course he just readjusts that little number and *voila* my insurance covered me and i was in the OR the next week.
Well, for 3 years I had the Lap-band and I hated it. I lost 40 lbs within the first 3 months because, hello- I'm not eating anything. Then every time i ate, i would throw up immediately. ESPECIALLY if i ate cleaner healthier foods, they would get stuck and come up immediately, So then i got really anxious and neurotic about my eating. I would go to fast food restaurants because their sh***y indigestible food went down a whole lot easier and was a whole lot 'tastier'. Than i started developing the habit of ordering food for about 3-4 people, but just eating it for myself. Of course I couldn't keep all of that down, that's why i would order so much food. So i can throw up and then continue eating. Sometimes i would eat these meals so slowly that i would end up fitting all of the food into my actual stomach past the band and never throw up.
From 200lb i gained 50lb. Even when I tried to do things right, nothing was working. I wasn't eating enough so my body wasn't burning any calories. it was just a mess. So in 2012 i decided to get the band removed, especially because of all the acid reflux damage to my esophagus. When i was asked if i wanted to have a revision surgery i just said, no get this out of me. I want to do this the 'natural way'.
So After the surgery i was 'free'. I was able to eat WHATEVER i want, However much i wanted. I was able to drink whatever I wanted as well. Which is a whole other realm of issues. Eventually I got up to 280lbs and decided, okay, I'm going to try the 12 step program Overeaters Anonymous. I tried the program and loved it at first. I was losing weight and had a great support system. But when I 'relapsed', i relapsed HARD. I would go on dangerous eating binges and just regain all the weight. Worse than ever before. I don't know if it was guilt that i manifested over being judged or shamed, or what but it happened.
Since then I've been sober from alcohol for 15 months (yay!) and am now 310 lbs, 27 years old, and diagnosed with Obstructive Sleep Apnea (nay!). My quality of life has seriously deteriorated. I sleep as much as I can, I eat as much as I can, I don't do anything active, I cant wear any of my clothes any more, I don't walk my dogs enough, I wont let anyone take photos of me, etc.
I made the decision in June that I was going to give weight loss surgery another shot and i need to do this totally different. I knew i didn't want LAPBAND so i was thinking of getting the sleeve. My mom had the sleeve, and shes lost some weight, but shes not very happy with the results. My aunt had RNY and has lost a tremendous amount of weight, but also had several surgeries for her excess skin. So, that made me nervous. When going into The Davis Clinic in Houston, Texas I met with Dr. Robert Davis. He insisted I get the RNY because of my hystery with lapband and just dieting in general.
So now I am booked to have my surger September 8th with Dr. Seger in San Antonio (maybe one day ill write about why i switched from the davis clinic to this one).
I decided to be more open and honest about this procedure. I was very secretive about the Lapband and that really helped me NOT be accountable for my actions, I would end up isolating and HIDING a lot, especially my food.
Today, I've let everyone in my life know about my surgery, including friends on FB and instagram, which was really intense for me. I've been very diligent about my pre-op diet (HAVE NOT CHEATED ONCE -WOAH). And I'm really educating myself about the life I'm going to have with this procedure.
I am very excited about this new change in my life, i know everything has to be done differently, my mental state and physical state have got to change. I'm looking forward to this being the missing tool that I need to get back on track!
I would love to hear about other journeys and some advice if you have any. I'm very thankful for this website and for everyone who posts and reads. I look forward to being a part of the OH family soon!
