Question:
Is it wrong not to tell my co-workers and supervisor?
6 months ago I began looking into this surgery. I brought the subject up to some co-workers, one of which is my best friend. The negativity was unbearable so I never spoke another word of it. Now, my surgery is in February and I do not want to tell any of them! I work for a large company. Everyone in my department is close, we all know eachother well. They also talk badly about overweight people. I know once I go to my supervisor to tell her I'm having major surgery she will be concerned and want to know what is wrong. It would be rude to say "it's private." I just do not want to deal with the talking behind my back and people trying to talk me out of it. I'm 22 years old. I won't be having my gall bladder out during the surgery. I thought of using that but I'm afraid that I will develope gall stones after surgery and need to have it taken out later. The best idea I can come up with is that I'm having a "growth" removed from my stomach. I've been a wreck over this. Any ideas will be greatly appreciated. — [Anonymous] (posted on October 10, 2001)
October 10, 2001
If you want to keep it private, keep it private. Regardless of how close
people at your company are, your supervisor still has a legal
responsibility to the company and probably is smart enough not to press
things if you say it is private or personal. They'll probably immediately
think plumbing. You know. You'll probably find that you tell people after
you start to drop the weight. There is a lot less threat after you can see
your success! The bottom line is that if you want to keep it private you
can. The company does not have any right to know what is going on with you
except that your dr says you need to be off for X amount of time and then
releases you to work.
— ctyst
October 10, 2001
It's not rude to tell co-workers it's a private matter. Please don't make
up something to tell them. You don't have to because you don't owe personal
information to them or anyone else. You must go with what feels right to
you and obviously what feels right is to keep this private. Rest assured
that your co-workers do not tell you everything about their private
business and even if they did that doesn't mean you are obligated to tell
them your personal business. You can just say that you're not comfortable
discussing your medical condition at this time and that your prognosis is
excellent and there is no reason for them to worry. That should be enough
for them. Your true friends will respect your feelings and leave it at
that. Anyone else who presses you for more information isn't really your
friend and does not deserve to know sensitive information about you. After
surgery, as you begin to lose weight you may want to tell people. Please
wait until the time comes that you feel comfortable with this. Remember,
all you have to do is tell one person and they'll tell one person and so on
and then everyone will know. You're right, most people don't understand the
battle with obesity and don't understand WLS and they become very
judgemental. You don't need their negativity. You're doing something
wonderful for yourself. Don't complicate it with the bad feelings you'll
have if you tell people when you don't really want to. I'm 5 months post-op
and my life has changed tremendously for the better since my surgery. Best
of luck to you.
— [Anonymous]
October 10, 2001
I didn't tell anyone. It's not their business. I just told them I was
taking two weeks off. Everyone assumed I was going on vacation, but if
they asked, I told them I wasn't going away, just needed the time off to
get some things done. I was back to work in 10 days, with no one the
wiser.
— mom2jtx3
October 10, 2001
I work for a large company also and have wondered if I should tell people
or a select few (so far only a very select few). I'm close with my team
members, but they're all guys and just feel awkward about telling them.
I've been telling them its a personal female issue. That usually gets them
off my back. Good Luck!
— Pamela P.
October 10, 2001
I chose not to tell my supervisor but did tell what I thought
was a close "friend" HA! She became more and more distant
from me as I lost weight and told all the supervisors at work
which is such a creepy thing to do. Now I can't go for lunch
with them because they all watch what I eat and how much,and make coments
about the amount I eat, (catty
women) and I have lost 100 lbs and they all just stick thier
nose up at me. The women that I work with that don't know, always
tell me how good I am looking and congradulate me on my wgt loss.
I am looking for a new job at the begining of the year. Protect
yourself, please! Some people can be so mean and they will try to sabatoge
anyones accomplishments. I always feel so monitored when I am around
them that it isn't good for my spirit. Best of luck to you and
take care...
— [Anonymous]
October 10, 2001
I debated whether to share information about surgery with my co-workers.
At first I didn't share, but as time went on I found it more stressful
trying to keep it from them than just being up front. Once they knew it
was much easier for us all to get on with life.
— Gayle S.
October 10, 2001
I chose not to tell my co-workers. The opinions on wls were
irrelevant; but, I didn't want to have to deal with them if it
failed like all the diets I had been on. I just told people I was
have gastrointestinal surgery. I was out of work for 6 weeks and I
was losing weight rapidly at that time. Also people noticed that I
wasn't eating much at all. Also I very run down and tired for months
after my surgery. My co-workers put all this together and thought I
had CANCER. I had worked with many of these people for ten years and
they were quite worried and upset. I had to tell them about my rny
so that they would stop worrying. Well....once they knew the "weight
watch" was on!!!! "how much have you lost so far?"
"don't lose too
much" "my cousin's mother's sister had it..and she died"
yada yada yada
Three years and over 100lbs. later some people still stop me in the
hallways
and tell me about some poor sole who dropped dead after having his
"stomach
stapled".
— [Anonymous]
October 10, 2001
I'm sorry you feel so bad about the negativity with your co-workers about
WLS. If it weren't for my co-workers I would have never made it through
this. I really didn't get any support from my family or boyfriend so I had
to rely on what I could get from my friends at work. They really pulled
together and backed me up on this 110%.
Maybe you could explain to them what you are really doing and tell them
that if they can't say anything encouraging then don't say anything at all.
Once you start a story it's kinda hard to keep up with what you've told
who, but if you tell the truth it's much easier. Good luck with your
co-workers and your upcoming surgery.
— Jennifer H.
October 10, 2001
I'm not telling anyone at work. For my sick leave, I'm giving the reason
of "abdominal surgery". For the people who have pressed me for
more specifics, I smile and say "I'm sure you can understand why I
want to keep it private. It's not cancer or anything like that. I'll be
fine. Just something I have to take care of. It's nice to know that
people like you are concerned." Most people assume its some sort of
female problem (e.g., hysterectomy) and let it go. Only one person kept
pushing, and I just smiled and changed the subject. It's not rude to tell
your co-workers that "it's personal", however it IS easier to
deliver that message with a smile and a few extra words. If my weight loss
is successful and people notice, I plan on telling them that I've made some
permanent changes in the way I eat. That will be enough, I think (I hope).
I don't plan on EVER telling my work colleagues. Let 'em wonder!
— Kathy J.
October 10, 2001
Don't worry. I work in a lawfirm and asked this very question. LEGALLY, you
don't have to tell them a thing except that you need time off and will be
having "surgery". The Dr. doesn't have to put down in a note what
kind, what for, NOTHING!!! Mine just wrote "major surgery". It is
private and personal so don't worry about hurting someones feelings. This
is the time to take care of YOU and not worry about how others feel.
I personally just told work that I am having surgery and told them not to
worry that I will be fine. But that I would like to keep the particulars to
myself for the time being. Not a problem. If your work insists upon
knowing, they are out of line and I would remind them that LEGALLY they
don't have the right to know and you are within your rights to not say.
Good luck!!!
— Kris T.
October 10, 2001
I understand your concern. I too struggled with this very same question. I
work for a dental group and my biggest conecern was the owner. He is a
fairly slender 6 hour a week excerciser and he has very strong opinions. I
printed alot of information from the web and told him my plans he voiced
those concerns/opinions I expected then hugged me and told me to go for it!
The rest was down hill from there. I am very glad because every one has
been supportive. But you have to do what is right for you.
— Judy W.
October 10, 2001
I struggled with this exact thing. My boss is like family to me, but he
also can't keep a secret. I told my boss I would tell him the day I left
for medical leave. He needed to know 1 month before my leave that I was
going since I am management and there were "loose ends" When he
had a meeting saying he would be doing some of my job, people assumed I was
taking off to help care for my grandmother. I did correct them and tell
them I was having surgery and told them I wanted to keep it private. I
will be going back to work next week and I don't care who knows...but
prior, I just felt I didn't want to have to explain something private while
trying to "psych" myself up for surgery. I didn't want to have
to deal with people who weren't supportive, so I didn't.
— Ilene M.
October 10, 2001
I thought at first I wouldn't tell anyone at work, but I felt like I would
be lying and like to keep everything up front. Then I wasn't going to tell
anyone else. Well, I was SO excited about the operation and the prospect of
being at a "normal" weight that I just could not contain myself
and told the whole world. Now I see people I haven't seen in a long time
and they ask me what diet I'm on and I just tell them I had WLS surgery.
Some are very interested in knowing about it and others shudder at the
thought of having it & I just grin. To each her/his own.
— Betty Todd
October 10, 2001
There are no rules for this. It is completely a personal matter - a
personal choice who, and if, you tell.
— Cathy J.
October 11, 2001
I was going to tell them that I was having my GallBladder out, but then I
just told them there was a growth on my intestine which needed to be
removed. I only tell that to people who actually push, otherwise, when
people ask whats wrong I just vaguely mention abdomial surgery and change
the subject. Your excuse is sound, and if anyone asks for more details,
just play the whole medically dumb thing out... shrug it off, say it's
"complicated medical stuff that you don't really understand"...
just a thought...
— [Anonymous]
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