Question:
Do I need counseling? It's been 2 1/2 years since WLS. -190lbs.

I still buy clothes for a bigger person. I don't believe I will fit places. I am surprised when I do fit. I still want to lose about 50lbs. Will I ever really see my true size? I have been SMO all of my adult life. Do you have any suggestions?    — Allison M. (posted on September 7, 2004)

September 6, 2004
Well, I'm not sure I can help except to say I absolutely understand where you're coming from. I'm a year and a half out of surgery, and have lost 120 pounds. Until my recent plastic surgery, I couldn't see any of it. I was big my whole life, and so had never known a normal body size. All I saw was the large belly and the fact that I still couldn't wear pants without a long shirt. Magically, after the PS, and the tummy gone, I finally feel normal. Mind you, I'm not small, and I still have larger thighs and breasts than I'd like, but I can see the 120 pounds lost finally. I'm not saying that PS is the answer for everyone, but I was focused in on one part of my body and that colored how I saw the rest of myself. They say it gets better with time, and perhaps if there's a way to see past whatever it is about yourself that creates the image of a larger person, you can realize, and enjoy, the smaller you. Therapy can't hurt, and maybe the repeated experiences of being smaller will eventually catch up to you.
   — Vespa R.

September 8, 2004
I know exactly where you are coming from. I am 9 months post op and down 113 pounds. I find myself contemplating tight spaces and telling myself not to bother trying because I will never fit. I force myself to try and then freak out when I have no problem fitting at all. Oh, and the clothes thing, let me tell you! I go to Wal-Mart where some 26/28s used to fit and I keep picking out these larger clothes and it hits me, I'm an 18 now so I pick up an 18 and hold it up. I think, there is no way I am even gonna fit one arm into this thing. I try it on and again, freak out because it fits comfortably. At the mall the other day, my mother asked me to try on this sequined Halloween vest that was an XL. I argued because I've never been able to fit into anything from a regular store before. So to make her happy I tried it on and it fit loosely. Again, I freaked. People think I'm strange because I'm hopping up and down yelling. They just can't understand how good it feels to be able to do that. For me, just walking the mall is a milestone, this time last year I was in a wheel chair with a crippling back. I also find myself talking to and relating to other big people just like I used to only to have them look me up and down and say "yeah right" almost as if they are thinking that I have no idea what they are going through. I will always be a big person inside and think that I will always find it hard to believe that I can fit, do things etc. now.
   — boonikki29

September 8, 2004
I don't know about counseling, or whether you'll ever see your true size, but I can tell you that what you're experiencing is perfectly normal. I'm getting better about clothing in general. However, I'm still very self-concious about my abdomen and wearing shirts tucked in. It's crazy, my tummy is firm (no sagging or crinkles, etc.), but I have a slight bulge in it, and I don't want anyone to see it. The bulge probably has nothing to do with being formerly MO, or the surgery, it probably has more to do with being 44 years old! I still hesitate when it comes to tight spaces, but then I get mad at my husband who will move things out of the way for me out of his owned learned habit from living with a MO person for many years. Go figure! Katie
   — Le P.

September 9, 2004
Try this. Go to a mall with a trusted friend or relative. I mean one that will tell you the truth no matter how brutal it may be. Now ask them to point out someone who is about your size. You'll be surprised. I am also 2 1/2 years post-op and at around 1- 1 1/2 years post op, and at a size 12, I still felt that I was fat, I had a good friend do this for me. I was pleasantly surprised. Now, on your end you have to agree to "accept" what your friend points out to you. Another thing that helped me accept my size was just seeing photos of me. I used to cringe whenever a camera came out, now I smile and know that the picture will show someone of a normal size. Having been all sizes during my adult life, from thin to SMO, I can totally understand that it can take along time for the mind to catch up to the reality. So until it does, rely on your friends.
   — Cindy R.

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