Question:
Does anyone have any advice to put my dad's mind at ease?
I am scheduled for Lap-RNY May 29th. Yesterday my dad starts emailing me all these sad, death stories of people having WLS. He says he has a bad feeling about this. He can't believe I'd do something to cause so much stress to my body (malnutrition, infection, hair loss, possible death..). Any ideas to make him feel more at ease? He is really a sweet man, but I will always be his little girl...even though I am 32 and married. — Cindy M. (posted on May 20, 2002)
May 20, 2002
Hi, Cindy! When I would have people react like your dad is, I would just
tell them that I am more afraid to NOT have the surgery. The mortality
rate is so much lower than the chance of me developing medical problems
from being obese, i.e. diabetes, hypertension, heart problems, etc. Those
are the things that scared me much more than going through the surgery. I
wish you the best of luck!!
— Dona R.
May 20, 2002
Do you go to support group meetings? If so, and your father lives close
by, bring him with you. This way he can see first hand how happy &
healthy the people who have had the surgery are. Give him time, he will
come around. My husband and mother-in-law were the same way but I told
them there was nothing they could say to make me change my mind.
— Helen C.
May 20, 2002
I had the same problem. My family was against the surgery. I invited my
mother to go with me to the surgeons office. He explained everything to her
and she was able to ask questions of the doctor. By the time we left the
doctors office she was behind me 100%.
— Penny M.
May 20, 2002
have your dad come here to the before and after pics and read some of the
profiles and tell him that being morbidly obese is the worst thing for us
and that you just want a happier healthier life .to spend with him
— Mary H.
May 20, 2002
Do you have a copy of your letter of medical necessity? I'd suggest
sending that to your father. Maybe understanding how much stress your body
is already in will help.
— Amber L.
May 20, 2002
Tell your Dad tht you have done a ton of research and that his scenarios
are far and few between, usually due to problems with follow-up
non-compliance and dumb luck, which could happen driving. Let him know
that part of the reason that you are taking this risk is because you
already know the outcome if you don't have the surgery and you would like
to be around to take care of him in his dying days. If it wasn't for this
surgery and the weight I lost, I would NEVER have been able to take care of
my elderly parents last summer before their deaths. Good Luck to you and
him.
— merri B.
May 24, 2002
My father was very against my surgery. He told me he would come over
everyday and fix my dinner. He swears by meat and veggies and he is
probably right, but he has never had a weight problem either. I told him
if I could do that I would have already done it and not have this problem.
The best thing for my dad was seeing a friend of mine that was larger than
I was and he saw her and she is two years post op and he could not believe
it was her. Seeing her smaller and feeling and looking good and asking her
questions helped him alot. Also another lady that had surgery at the same
time I did, had a sister that had her surgery a couple of months before
ours and she talked alot to him in the waiting room and answered a ton of
his questions-God Bless Her!! If you can find a support group or someone
that has had it that can talk to him. Also, Carne Wilson has her book out
and reading that my also answer a zillion questions. I also would print
off of here peoples before and after pics and show him and my mom their
pics and their stories. Yes there are people that have died, but there are
people that have died from most any kind surgery there is, there is always
that chance. I kept stressing to my dad that without the surgery I may get
bigger and/or develope heart disease, diabetes, etc. I told him I wanted
this for myself, my health, my family and to please support me....he still
asked me in the waiting room, if I wanted to change my mind:) They just
love us and they are scared.
— Shari H.
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