Question:
I am pre-op, how do I deal with negitive comments about my choice to do the surgery?
— sweetcheeks194 (posted on February 23, 2008)
February 23, 2008
There will always people who will not agree on things you do, whether it is
with surguries or even buying a car.Not that there is any comparison but
you knowing in your head and heart that this is something you want to do
for yourself, let them say what they have to say to get it off their chest.
You know what is best for you. If you want to discuss it with them if they
are willing to listen then great, let the know how much doing this surgury
is going to better your quality of life and make you well and feel better
about yourself. Maybe they will come around to understanding before
surgury.If not they will come around when they see how good you are doing
after surgury and it was what You wanted. Feel confident that you are doing
this surgury which ever one you are having for your health and making you
feel good about yourself. some of us do it for life and death matters, some
of us do it because we have tried all other methods and alot of us have
friends and family that have seen us fail at one thing or another. As
long as you listen to doc's instructions and go the right path with food,
the ones that are negative will see finally that this was a good thing for
you to do for yourself. they will see how much happier you are. Their
negative comments will turn into wonderful comments you are going to love
to hear. good luck When is your surgury did you get a date yet? write back
to me when you do if you need someone to talk to and be a positive help for
you write me anytime. I had my surgury on the 28th of jan. 2008 and I am
doing pretty good. Experimenting with foods that like me or dont like me.
have a good day!!!
— changingmylifelinda10
February 23, 2008
I told my freinds and family that did not like the idea of me having a RNY,
that I would not have objected to them having surgery to save their life if
they had cancer so either support me or please keep it to yourself. Those
will be the same people that will come and tell you three months from now
how great you look. Any surgery has dangers, but you are an adult and I
have to assume that you spent the time to decide with great consideration
what you felt would work best for you. Never doubt yourself, and there
will be a few hard days after surgery where you might ask yourself, what
have I done, but after the weight finaly comes off and you feel better than
you ever have in your adult life and you start to excersize and enjoy it,
you will never regret the decision to have WLS. I don't know what took me
so long to decide, but I wished that I had done it a lot sooner, and I am
thankful for the gifted hands of my surgeon. Best of success to you and
Congrads for deciding to do the right thing!
— William (Bill) wmil
February 23, 2008
I urge you to listen to them carefully, and explore their objections. (Most
people are really talking about themselves!) That will only solidify your
own choice. Don't be afraid to listen or to reply to their objections.
Deliver the essence of your fact-finding mission and go on your way. This
is your journey, not theirs. But if they come up with a good point,
research it. Be a filter and let it flow through you!
— [Deactivated Member]
February 23, 2008
First of all this is YOUR decison only yours. If I listened to the
negatives I would be dead by now. I am out 1 yr and lost 248#. I really
feel if I didn't have the surgery when I did I wouldn't be alive now. You
do what you want.... Bobby
— obx100
February 23, 2008
Hi Nicole,
We all have our own opinions on what we need/want. As well as the people
that care and know us. Just like one of the other's answered, take it all
in and sort through the info and do what YOU need. Some people have a hard
time with change. People may fear your changing will lesson your need for
them in your life. We all know that all/any surg is a danger, but so is
driving on the roads [espically here on Florida] . Once your family and
real friends realize you are doing this for a better,longer life they will
come around. Dont ever lose track of the inportance of this for YOU!
— tootsie52
February 23, 2008
It is cruel for people to not support you. Over the last 9 years I have
lost almost everyone in my family due to complications from a weight
related issue. I made the decision for me and my kids... I am glad I did,
and you will be too. Don't listen to them, just keep positive and remember
this is for YOU NOT them!!!
— blue71969
February 23, 2008
Ok, this is me and my two cents over here. When I was pre-op, I only told
people I knew for sure would be supportive, or keep their negative comments
to themselves. As a post-op, I tell anyone, because now I KNOW what it is
for myself. Everyone knows somebody who "had it done and it didn't
work" or "had it done and looks great". Most people who
talk about the people they know who had it done know NOTHING about it
themselves, but feel like because they know SOMEONE, they know SOMETHING.
Big mistake. So, I kept the mental pollution to a minimum by keeping my
information to myself until after. Just what worked for me.
— Shirley D.
February 23, 2008
You are doing this for you, remember that. Having the Duodenal Switch was
the best thing I ever did!!
— SameButDifferent
February 23, 2008
I'm lucky no one I've encountered has opposed this surgery. But if they
did, I'd listen to what they had to say and give them information, or a
website to go to to research their fears. Good luck and God bless!
— crystalsno
February 23, 2008
For those who send negitive comments know that they have some thing wrong
and so they like to hurt others. Just don.t read they. I am Sorry there are
ppl like that on this site
— aluvzu2
February 23, 2008
If this decision is something that you are 100% sure of, let the comments
roll in!! You have nothing to lose but weight!!
— bariatricdivalatina
February 23, 2008
HI, I KNOW WHEN I DECIDED TO GET THE RNY. I THOUGHT ABOUT IT FOR 6 MONTH.
AND MADE MY DECISION. I DIDSN'T JUST GET UP ONE DAY AND SAY, GEE I GUESS I
WILL GET A RNY. I THINK MOST PEOPLE THINK ABOUT IT AND HOPEFULLY LEARN ALOT
ABOUT IT BEFORE THE DECIDED. FOR ME I KNEW IT WAS WHAT I NEEDED TO GET MY
HEALTH BACK, I TRIED EVERY THING BEFORE AND FELT IF I DIDN'T TAKE DRASTIC
ACTION.I WOULD BE IN A WHEEL CHAIR AND DYE EARLY IN LIFE. BY THE WAY MY
HUSBAND DIED RECENTLY FROM BEING MORBIDLY OBESE. HIS HEART LUNGS AND
KIDNEY'S FAILED. ALL BECAUSE OF BEING 460 LBS MOST OF HIS LIFE. HE WAS ONLY
52. I HOPE TO LIVE TO BE A RIPE AGE. IF SOMEONE SAYS ITS THE EASY WAY OUT.
THERE IS NOTHING EASY ABOUT IT. THERE IS NOTHING WRONG IN GETTING HELP. MY
HUSBAND UNFORTUNATELY WAS AFRAID TO DO THIS FOR HIM SELF UNTIL IT WAS TO
LATE. HE DIDN'T WANT ME TO DO IT CAUSE HE WAS AFRAID I'D DIE. JUST ABOUT
THE LAST THING HE SAID TO ME WAS HE WANTED ME TO GET IT DONE. ANDS HE
DIDN'T WANT ME TO EVER GO THROUGH WHAT HE HAS GONE THROUGH. HE WISHED HE
WOLD HAVE DONE IT BEFORE IT WAS TO LATE. HE DIED IN SEPT 2007. AGE 52. I
THINK PEOPLE SAY THESE NEGATIVE THINGS BECAUSE THEY COULD NOT SEE THEM
DOING THIS OR AFRAID OF LOSING YOU. RECENTLY THE NEWS SAID THE GASTRIC
BYPASS IS ONE OF THE TOP 5 SUGERIES ARE THE SAFEST. MY SURGEON HAS DONE OF
1,500 SURGERIES AND HASW NEVER LOST ANYONE IN SURGERY. YOU KNOW WHATS BEST
FOR YOU. YOUR HEALTH HAPPINESS. YOU ONLY HAVE 1 LIFE TO LIVE. LIVE IT WITH
YOUR OWN INFORMED DECISION. SHADIA
— shadia616
February 23, 2008
Think of yourself and knowing that you will be healther in the end that is
the key. It is your time to shine and if people are going to put you down
you do not need them.
— tl_morgan
February 23, 2008
Hi Nicole. To tell or not to tell, that is a good question. It sounds
like you have been excited and sharing with those who could care less or
just can't help themselves, they have to decide for you what is right.
Nicole, you have to decide with your spouse/family if this is a good thing
for you. Are you ready for the changes? Are you willing to fight the head
issues that cause obesity? Are you playing games with surgery or educated
on the issues and facing them head on? Only you can answer these things,
and if you are ready and have peace about the surgery, then that is your
decision. One thing I notice about obese people, is that we want everyone
on our side. They won't be. And that is ok. We also seem to share too
much too quickly with people who don't need to know. That is a choice you
make. You don't owe them an explaination or a discussion. I told my
employer that I was having surgery and it was an "intestinal
thing" that was being repaired. That was it. I didn't tell them
until I had lost about 75 pounds that I had wls. It was not their business
and I didn't need their input. I told them on my terms and when I was
ready. I had my husband on my team, we walked the road together, prayed
about it and faced the truth about me being obese. Once I had peace with
God on the issue and my husband, then I moved forward. It was the right
decision for me. I did tell my Mom a few months before surgery and I was
afraid she would not support me, but she did, at least verbally. I am glad
for that, and it was probably one of the hardest people I had to tell.
Step back for a minute and evaluate who should know what, and then just say
when others bring it up, "I am not really comfortable talking about
that right now". Confess you might not have all the answers, but you
are moving forward. Cut them off if you need to. You have sort of set
yourself up for debate and ridicule if you have told too many people, but
you still control what you think and what you say. Those things are what
count. Facing the truth means knowing that those close to you need to
know, and those who are not, they know when you are ready to tell them.
Take care. Patricia P.
— Patricia P
February 24, 2008
Simply tell others that you lose weight just like they do, "you take
in fewer calories than you burn." No tricks there.
— Tawnda C.
February 24, 2008
I tell everyone I had the surgery and if they do not like the
*#@#^&****$#@ with them there just jealous. the ones who are negative
about it is the ones who need to lose weight so just tell the world
— biglou
February 24, 2008
Would people object if you were having heart bypass surgery? NO because it
will save your life... Stomach bypass surgery is no different... It will
save your life... This decision is yours and yours alone... There will
always be bees buzzing in your ear... if you let them get to you they will
sting...
— Rachelena
February 24, 2008
I am so ready for this question - pre-op, I had all these know it alls that
knew dick about the surgery offer me their wisdom and advice.
I had been going thru this process for a year, and been researching it for
4 years, I knew enough about the surgery and the after math that I probably
could have done it myself!
Now, 5 month's later, I WEIGH LESS THAN SOME OF THEM!
So, to answer your question, YOU do not have to deal with their negative
comments, results will be the answer.
Stay in there, some people are too ignorant or afraid to be supportive.
You need to do this for yourself, no one else. You will love it, and your
world will become bright again.
Good luck!
— 29Diesel
February 24, 2008
Ignore em. You are taking care of yourself and this is going to be very
hard work and huge, but worthwhile, changes to your lifestyle - you are
absolutely not taking the easy way out. Feel sorry for people who are so
judgemental.
— Susan C.
February 24, 2008
Hi - Alot of people have no idea what this surgery is all about. I am 16
mos out and have lost 113 lbs. I was told by my Dr. I would have to do
something soon or I would not make it out of my 60's I'm 53 now so 60's
isn't that far away. I had family as well as friends try to talk me out of
it. They didn't know the hell I was going through every day of my life. I
had medical issues, blood pressure, artritas, fibromyalgia. The constant
pain 24/7. I did my research before I made my decision, went to groups,
lectures, and appointment after appointment with a team of Drs.,
nutritionist, etc. I even once said to a friend of mine who had made her
decision to have the bypass that "OH I COULD NEVER DO THAT" As
they say Never say Never. I do have to tell you that was the best
decision of my life and I should have done this alot sooner. My quality of
life is unbelievable. I can walk, sit, stand, sleep with no pain. Don't
get me wrong, I have my days but the constant tooth ache pain is gone. The
people who were trying to talk me out of it now see how happy and healthy I
am. Most people only here of the bad things that have happened. I told
everyone and to this day I ran into someone who's known me since high
school. She said to me "Oh you will have to tell my how you lost all
your weight" I came right out and told her I had gastric bypass. LOL
you should have seen the look on her face. It really wasn't what she
wanted to hear. I had the guts to do something about this battle with
weight. I'm proud of my decision and whoever doesn't approve then they
should have walked in my shoes. Be proud of your decision. Just do your
homework, read all you can about it. The before and after surgery. There
are alot of books out there. I still buy them today to help me keep the
weight off. Actually, I am post op about 4 weeks now having the excess
skin removed on my arms and all around waiste and belly. Even that wasn't
bad and glad I did it.
Best of Luck - - Niecie
— niecie54
February 25, 2008
I had one person that told me that they could never have the surgery. That
wasnt what bothered me it was just everytime I saw them they kept on and on
about it. They would not stop talking about how they could not risk having
the surgery. I finally told them nicely that I did alot of reserch about
the surgery and on my doctor before my surgery and I felt comfortable about
having the surgery. I did what was right for me and my health. She
finally stopped talking about it. Just be nice and tell them you are doing
it for your health and thats it. You dont need to surround yourself with
negitivity. Good luck!
— barfiep01
March 11, 2008
Nicole, I know this is a little later than the other answers to your
question, but I just came across it. How some things never change -- when
I had my VBG almost eight years ago (this coming April 17), it seemed like
every Negative Nelly in the world suddenly found themselves crossing my
path.
They all had stories of their hairdresser's third cousin's second husband's
ex-sister-in-law's dog walker who had the surgery and developed
life-threatening complications, or had the surgery and it didn't work, or
had the surgery and it worked and then it didn't work and they gained all
the weight back plus a hundred and fifty pounds, and blah, blah, blah.
I just go with what my surgeon told me at the time -- that if you took 100
randomly-selected morbidly obese (that's 100 lbs or more overweight, not
some perfectly normal size 12 person who wants to be a size 2) people and
put them on a diet and exercise regimen, ALL OF THEM would lose weight.
Come back in five years, and THREE of them would have kept the weight off.
Therefore, diet and exercise regimens have a NINETY-SEVEN PERCENT FAILURE
RATE among the morbidly obese.
People think that because you're having surgery and not nibbling parsley
sprigs and doing eight hours a day on a Stairmaster you're "taking the
easy way out". If surgery is the easy way out, I'd like to see the
hard way. This is a tool, not the holy grail, just like a diet is -- but
this tool, surgery, has about a 90% or more chance of actually WORKING.
Blessings,
— Cheryl Denomy
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