Question:
all my life i'v been critisized by fammily members. that are also ob.

and now for health reason and life, now i don't have and support from them no one is willing to help me make this journey, i have to find someone to go with me at the time of surgery. what do you so when family and friends??? say at 4/11 or 5ft 275lb that you look fine? or if you just walk your knees and back will be fine?and your b/p will come down?    — peace (posted on December 6, 2005)

December 6, 2005
Martha~~~ You go on with your journey!!!! This is your life.. if your as miserable as I was, nothing and no one was going to stop me! After doing a lot of research and going the with Mini Gastric Bypass, it didn't matter to me if anyone supported me. I was tired of being miserable and sitting on the sidelines. Life was doing nothing but passing me by! Educate your family on the surgery you are considering having.. tell them that if they needed to have heart surgery to live, they would do that correct! This is probably going to add many years, if not save your life... good luck on your weight loss journey and if you should need additional support feel free to e=mail me at [email protected] good luck to you Martha..
   — ds

December 6, 2005
Hi, first of all, I am sorry to hear you are having this difficulty. I will try to offer as much aid as I can. I would suggest getting on the ObesityHelp message board for KY. That way you will make contacts with others who may live near you and can support you through your journey. I think your testimony of your improved health after surgery will have a very positive affect on your family. They are probably very fearful for you and do not understand everything that will happen. Knowledge can be very valuable to them. I have a friend that was in a similar situation. She lives in California. Everyone was against her, but she knew she had to get her health back. She is about a month out and her family has suddenly come around and is asking her for help with an uncle of hers who needs surgery. Hang in there! We are all here to help support you. Take some deep breath and look forward to a newer healthier you! huuuugzzzz
   — shoutjoy

December 6, 2005
Hey Martha ... a lot of times the most critical people of us are our families and friends, those we rely on to support us. I agree with one of the other posters ... find a support group near you ... reach out to someone in your area. Perhaps your doctor or surgeon can refer you to someone who's had the surgery? This can be a very lonely journey, but in the end, it is all up to you. Regarding the criticism, a lot of times obese people don't want to look at themselves, so when you take a step like this and make a decision to do something about your situation, they may feel bad (or jealous even), so they are overly critical and spiteful. In the long run, this decision has to be yours, and only yours. You have to live with it ... rewards and/or complications. But just think ... you might just out-live them! Best wishes and good luck. Karyn
   — Karyn B

December 6, 2005
Man I wish I still lived in Lexington I would go to surgery with you. I am sure there would be those more than willing to support you on your journey. I made wonderful friends at my support meetings and they lived in KY I hope you get the support you need dont let your family get to you sweetie. Michelle
   — [Deactivated Member]

December 6, 2005
Martha, if you don't have the support of your family now, especially those who are obese, you will have even less support when they see your success. Its unfortunate but many post-ops have lost the friendship and support of friends and family, for many reasons. Part of it is jealousy, part of it is fear, and sometimes the post-op spends all their time talking about their success, their new life, etc and literally drive away their friends and family. I concur with contacting a local support group (your surgeon may even have his/her own group), and have one of them be your angel-accompany you to the hospital and be there for pre and post-op support. One of the best things about support groups is that you can talk and talk about your surgery and success and you have found a supportive audience! Good luck to you on your journey..I am just shy of 4 years post-op and maintaining.
   — Cindy R.

December 6, 2005
Hi Martha, You have to do what is best for you. You will always find support here. Just know that you are the only one that can decided what is best for you along with your doctors. Good luck and hang tuff. Hugs Cat
   — Cathy C.

December 6, 2005
Hi Martha, My mother was the worst of anyone for being against me having the weight loss surgery. She basically told me she forbid it or didnt want me to do it. I persisted anyhow. I knew I had to do something soon. I even felt morbid. Anyone who is really heavy knows what that feels like. Yes I felt death knocking at my door. I did what I had to do, and to this date not only my mother but 4 of my aunts and my sister in law have had the surgery after seeing my success. I will be 5 yrs out the first of April and still doing great, and so are all of them. :o) Your WLS friend Jo Michalko
   — Jo_Michalko

December 6, 2005
Well... you answer that this surg is not about looks .... that is just a nice bonus.... it is about being healthy. If they will not support you use us! There are so many wanting to help. Also go to your surgeon's support groups and don't let your family stop you. Often times when no one will support in a family they are jealous. Just wait til they see you after dropping 100+ lbs. You deserve this if it is what you want!!! Good luck to you! Hugs, Stef
   — SteffieBear15

December 6, 2005
Martha, if you have the conviction that this IS the best thing for you, then you have to place faith in your higher power, and stand firm on your choice. If there is NO HUMAN that will support you, with the help of your higher power and your own strength, you will be a WINNER! Stay strong and know that you will be in my prayers. Don't ever give up on yourself!
   — Lisa Crane

December 7, 2005
Martha I kind know how you feel. I had some suport but I just started talking to God and if not for him I wouldn't be where I am now. I am also 4"11 and I had my surgery on Nov. 2. I startedout weighing 269 when I went in the day of my surgery and todays date is Dec. 7. As of last Wednesday I had lost 16 pounds. Don't give up. You go ahead and have this surgery and do it with a positive attiude and ask God to get you thru and he will. I was told that I doing this for the wrong reasons but I did it mainly for my health and even tho I have only lost 16 pounds I already feel better healthwise. I had a setback and didn't get my protein in and that is why I haven't lost any more than that. The doctor fixed the problem an now I can eat without throwing up. I couldn't even get water down, but now its much better. Hang in there and God bless. Cynthia Crotty
   — cindy_crtty

December 7, 2005
Martha Sorry to hear that you are not getting the support you expected. There is the old saying that sometimes family is the first ones to be against us. They are just hating because they don't have the nerve to make the decision you have made -- to be healthy. To get your life and your body back. We will be here to support you in every way we can. I'm on the journey too and have the support of my partner -- who had the surgery 2 years ago. Look to other friends and maybe a co-worker or too for support -- unfortunately there are times when we must look outside of our families for support and sad to hear this maybe one of them. Just wait until you lose that weight girl -- they are going to change their tunes and hopefully their minds about having the surgery themselves.
   — the7thdean

December 8, 2005
thanks. everyone for all the encouragement and support. i'll be on my way on tomorrow 12/09 05, for the first of many test,but i'm going throught. its snowing and some ice, so keep me in your prayers.
   — peace

December 8, 2005
What a shame that your family is not supportive. At under five feet, you are carrying too much wweigth! I know, since I am only a bit over 5'1". You can try talking to some of them one-on-one. Pick the person in your family most likely to be sympathetic, or the one with the most influence on the others. then Get together the information about how your weight is causing health problems, and also some information on bariatric surgery. Explain that although you look fine, you are at high risk for dying from many causes while you are so overweight. Tell them that you are not doing it for your ooks (even if you are, partly), but for your health. Keep telling them until they listne, but do not get emotional, just give them the solid facts. Hugs and good luck.
   — Novashannon

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