Question:
Would it be rude to tell suggest WLS to a friend?
I am going to be having my WLS soon and I am so excited about it. I want to share what I have learned with my friend without her becoming defensive. She is not a very close friend but we do see each other on monthly basis and we both are overweight. She is 400+ and I know she would greatly benefit from the surgery. I have thought about telling her that I was having it and maybe invite her to one of my surgeon's seminars, do you think this is a good idea? I really don't want her to upset her, just open her eyes to the possibiliites. Does anyone have any suggestions? I would love to see her at least look into it. — [Anonymous] (posted on April 29, 2001)
April 29, 2001
I think I would start with telling her about your situation. Tell her that
you've decided to have the surgery, get her opinion whatever. If she
interested at all she'll ask questions. Good luck......
— Lisa B.
April 29, 2001
My sister is also MO and I really want her to have this surgery (she is
trying Weight Watchers for the umpteenth time). Instead of suggesting it
to her (she is extremely defensive and suggestive), I told her I was
thinking about doing it and asked her to give me her unbiased opinion and
also to see what kind of research she could find on it. I gave her this
web address and some others. She has since forwarded me some online
articles about it and called me yesterday to find out where I stood in the
process and when I was having the surgery cause she wants to travel to see
me through the process. I can only hope that I influence her to do this.
You can't *make* anyone see what is obviously the solution for you. They
have to be ready to find it themselves. My sister will need to see me go
through the whole thing before she is convinced that this is something she
should do. It just breaks my heart when she tells me she's doing Weight
Watchers. I know that it won't work for her (we are very alike). But I
also know that I can't *suggest* this to her either. Try telling your
friend that you think that you both have a lot in common and think alike
and that you feel like you're too close to this to be objective. Then
maybe she'll come around, and also realize it is something she'll want to
try. Good luck!
— [Anonymous]
April 30, 2001
It's nice that you are thinking about your friend. It shows you care. But
the best way to show this option to your friend is simply by being who you
are. Once you've had your surgery, many rapid changes will take place, and
many will be very visible changes. Allow those changes in you to be a way
for your friend to ask questions. When SHE CHOOSES the time, take the
opportunity to educate her about the process. Don't suggest, don't nag.
Just describe your own journey, and if she's inteterested, that will be the
chance for her to learn. We have all come across people who we think would
be excellent candidates for WLS. But WLS is a big step, and people have to
be open to it. If someone had approached me just 1 year before my surgery,
I would have told them in no uncertain terms what lake to jump in.
Resentment of other people paying attention to my weight instead of just
accepting the way I was, was a major stumbling block for me. Once I made
the choice to have WLS, it was an easy journey to the finish line, but I
had to make that choice for myself. Your friend is lucky to have someone
who cares:)
— Paula G.
April 30, 2001
As long as you are sensitive to her feelings, why not? If you found a cure
for cancer and she had cancer, wouldn't she want to know? Morbid obesity
is a diseased condition, and should be treated as such.
— Cindy H.
April 30, 2001
I remember well-meaning people suggesting diets, exercise programs, ad
nauseum. It was always humiliating even from the kindest person. I agree
with the writer below who said to say nothing until your friend sees the
changes in you. By then you'll be able to give her your honest assessment
of risk vs. rewards. Remember that some have not survived WLS. I'd hate
to actively recruit someone who had severe negative consequences.
I had my life-changing open RNY on 1/24. Have lost 70 lbs. No
complications and feel wonderful.
Love, Lili
— Lili R.
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