Question:
Does anyone have any information, or a patients spouse have information to comfort my
husband regarding my decision. I have done at least 100 hours of research regarding this over the past few months for me to get the wls on me. I have asked him..."do you want to know about it? Would you like to see some before and after?" He always just said "I support you". Out from no where, he met a person that had it and she had many many complications and is not fully healed yet and she said "don't eat too much or you will puke everytime." Well he reacted then someone else told him the same day that is was a "medically approved Balemic" (spelled wrong?). Then I got so many hassles that day regarding this surgery and I meet with the surgeon this week. He did not want to hear any research that I had done because these two people opened their mouth and did not think about what they were saying. The second person is just a person that doesn't even know about the surgery. DOES ANYONE HAVE A COMFORTING WORD i CAN GIVE HIM, OR A SPOUSE THAT HAS SEEN YOU GO THROUGH THE SURGERY AND AND ENCOURAGING ADVISE AT HOW IT IS GOOD RATHER THAN BAD. I WOULD REALLY LIKE A COUPLE SPOUSES TO GIVE THEIR INPUT FOR MY HUSBAND. THANK YOU SO MUCH. I AM GOING FORWARD IN THIS, AND I WOULD LIKE HIM TO FEEL GOOD ABOUT IT BY SOME OF YOUR SPOUSES GIVING THEIR EXPERIENCE OF HOW IT HAS EFFECTED THEM...ESPECIALLY IF THEY WEREN'T SO SUPPORTIVE BUT DISCOVERED HOW GOOD IT ENDED UP BEING. My husband told me after that incident he supports me in it still, but the reassuring words from other spouses that have gone through would be great. Thanks! — Patricia C. (posted on August 10, 2000)
August 10, 2000
Pauline,
My husband was not thrilled when I told him about my wanting this surgery.
To make matters worse, my sister had an open RNY last October, had a pouch
leak, and then had to be tube fed for 8 weeks. Seeing her at Thanksgiving
really freaked him out. BUT he stood by me even though he was scared to
death. He knew how much pain I was in from the being morbidly obese. He
knew how desparate I was to have this surgery. He knew I was going to get
worse and that being morbidly obese was going to make him a widower
someday. So, he supported me, kept his fears to himself --so not to freak
me out, and was there and is there whenever I need him. Now he is a WLS
champion. He can't understand why my best friend won't have the surgery
and wants me to tell complete strangers about the surgery. He regularly
reports my success and progress to EVERYONE, he is so proud. As for this
operation being medically bulemia, that is one ignorant person's uninformed
opinion. I am one month post-op as of today, I have only vomited twice.
Not really vomited, more like a baby spitting up. Both times were from
taking one bite too many of something I was told to be careful with
(bread). It wasn't bad. You will learn how to live with your new plumbing.
Anyway, Ralph, my husband, says to tell you husband, that this is a good
thing, that you will be happier and heathier after the surgery and
"when Mama's happy, everybody's happy. When Mama's unhappy, ain't
nobody happy". If you want to talk further please feel to e-mail me
privately. Good Luck, Sharyle
— Sharyle L.
August 10, 2000
Hi Pat,
Please have your husband contact my husband at [email protected] - he would
be happy to talk to him.
— Marjie W.
August 10, 2000
I am sure my mom would share her experience with your husband. I had an
Open RNY on April 10th, 2000 and have done very well with no complications.
My mother was my main support person ALL THE WAY!!
He could sub onto ossg-fam_friendssupp at www.egroups.com and talk to her
and a few other freinds and family members of WLS patients. (I started
this group for my family and freinds last year when I announced my plans
and everyone was very upset.) I needed a way to educate the lot of them
while at the same time they could sympathyze and support each other.
Or you can email me privatly if you are interested in contacting her by
email.
Good luck in your Journey
4months Post op Open RNY 10/00
-55lbs
— Lori W.
August 10, 2000
Don't you just love people who just HAVE to put their two cents in -- and
their two cents is always something negative and hateful? There is so much
MISinformation and DISinformation out there about the surgery, it's no
wonder your poor husband's head is spinning! Of course you'll "puke
every time" if you don't chew your food enough, if you eat too fast,
if you drink with your meal, if you eat too much, or, for you RNY-ers out
there, if you happen to scarf in some sugar, milk, or fat. But if you do
what you're supposed to do, you won't. As for WLS being "medically
approved bulemia", first of all, when did the medical profession EVER
approve of bulemia, and secondly, I don't know of one single post-op who
forces themselves to vomit, abuses laxatives, exercises compulsively until
they drop from exhaustion, etc., etc. The pathology of bulemia is NOT in
any way analogous to what happens to someone after WLS. The world is full
of negative nellies ... and most of them don't have the sense God gave to a
handful of dirt. As someone else suggested, your other half might take a
few minutes to look through this website, or e-mail those of us who
responded to your question. Bottom line, though, is that this surgery is
FOR you and ABOUT you. If he can support you, fine; if he can't, also
fine, but please keep his negativity to himself. My husband was not overly
supportive, although he's enjoying the results (open VBG 4/17/00, -83#); I
was fortunate enough to have a very supportive mother and sister, and that
carried me through. Chin up -- all good thoughts going your way.
— Cheryl Denomy
August 10, 2000
He needs to read and look at the before and after pics,you are right. My
husband was against it and scared at first but more we talked and more we
researed it he has really become so supported. It is my body and I am in
control. It is hard for people to really understand it if they are not in
our shoes.Itis wls or a wheele chair in a few years, and by grosh I have
things to do with my grandchildren so I am doing what is right for me and
everyone. My son dose not agree but I have his love and support all the way
I think they are scared of what can happen. I feel more you beleive in
yourself and what you want it will fall in place. Life is hard enough not
to love and support the ones we love.And my husband goes with me to the
support groups sit and listens and very happy for everyone. Good people.
Surgery on the 24th.knowing and hoping good things for you.
— Cathy B.
August 10, 2000
I feel VERY strongly about this as I had to fight my husband before surgery
(he was sure I was going to die on the table) and then for the first 9
months, he kind of wanted me to keep quiet about it. Who'd ever think that
he'd do it himself just about when I was 1 year out! If we burned calories
like other people, we wouldn't be here discussing this. We don't burn 'em,
we store 'em. The surgery simply allows us to take in closer to the amount
of calories we actually DO burn. Since we can't increase our "burn
rate", we adjust our calories to match THAT. The amount of vomiting
you do will be determined by MANY factors; which procedure you choose; how
you heal; the post-op nutrition plan that is given to you; your ability to
"learn the tricks of the trade", so to speak and a dozen other
factors over which you have very little control. Because we are both
patient and spouse of patient, we'd be happy to talk to you privately. And
yes, before/after pix are CRITICAL. [email protected]
— vitalady
August 10, 2000
Patricia,
I have a couple of suggestions for your Hubby (it really helped
my hubby). First, if you have a support group meeting
in your area, take him to it. There he will meet many
people who have experiences (good and bad- but mostly good)
that he can SEE face to face and talk to. My husband didn't
say a word, but after we left the meeting, he said, "It was
good to see so many people who had the surgery and lived to
tell about it." After I stopped laughing, I too appreciated
meeting all those willing to share their experiences with
those of us just going into it. Also, my husband sat with me one night
as I entered the chat room and talked with my WLS buddies.
He had alot of fun and met quite a few people who told him
what to expect (as well as to buy me diamonds when I got home- they
would help my recuperation:). We had fun TOGETHER and including
him in my WLS world helped him accept what I was doing and even
join in own a little of the journey himself! Good Luck!
— M B.
August 10, 2000
Here's a good website from a husbands perspective on his wife's surgery:
<a href="http://www.geocities.com/HotSprings/Falls/3067">A
Husband's Insight</a>.
For me, I joined a few support groups online & my husband read them
right along with me. This was very insightful for us both, as we could see
people, every day go into the hospital, then come out. Over the course of
a few months, we saw dozens and dozens do the same thing. The had
wonderful outcomes that we were witness to first hand. We also read
hundreds of websites of personal experiences. All this was very
reassuring. Hope this helps! <a
href="http://www.mywls.com">Home Page
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