Question:
When should you tell friends, family and coworkers about your surgery?

What is a good time to do that, and how do you handle the negative comments and the notion that we are taking the "easy" way out?    — Kimberly T. (posted on September 30, 2002)

September 29, 2002
Kimberly- Everyone will have a different thoguht for you, because we have different personalities and coping methods. So, all I can share with you is what did. I'm a very private person when it comes to my health. I pick and chose who I was going to tell and I knew who would be supportive and who wouldn't. I choose to tell those that would be supportive. Of course, my husband and I made the decision together and then I told my mother, father and sister. My mon and dad were very supportive, infact, my mom is having a RNY tomorrow. My sister wasn't negative she just didn't say much at all and doesn't ask too many questions about it now. Then I told just a few trusted friends. I never told anyone at work. But things change after the surgery. When people started noticing it was easier to tell them, because I didn't have to worry about their negative comments. It was done and over with. Anyway, I hope this helps. LAP RNY 4mos -82lbs.
   — Cheryl S.

September 29, 2002
Kimberly- I told my coworkers, friends when I felt the time was right. What worked for me was that I made sure that I researched everything I could about the surgery and I just had my mind made up that I was going to do it. You might be surprised, my friends and coworkers were very supportive of me. Good Luck!
   — Shannon S.

September 29, 2002
I told everyone who asked about WLS I guess about 3-4weeks before surgery. I did not want rumors spread that I had an incurrable diease. I got support from 99%. The people who said that this was the easy way out I explained that obeisity was a diease. Then I asked if I had cancer would they say that a tumor removal operation would be the easy way out?
   — Robert L.

September 29, 2002
I'm sorry, but I just get such a kick out of people who think this is the "easy" way out. WHAT A JOKE!!! Please explain to people that going under the knive and risking your life is not easy. Nor is it easy to make all of the lifestyle adjustments this surgery requires. I think people believe that you can have this surgery and still eat anything you want, just small quantities. I think I was guilty of that before I did my research. If there is someone you really care about their opinion, take the time to explain that there is nothing easy about this. It's a tool, not a quick fix. You have to remember that most people are very ignorant about this surgery, but that's not their fault. How much did any of us know before we did our research? You will have negative people, jealous people, supportive people, etc. Just know that you are doing the right thing for you and it doesn't really matter what anyone else thinks. Once they see your success, they will all come around (except the jealous, they will be even more jealous)!
   — Kathy S.

September 29, 2002
This is a very personal decision. I told everyone close to me when I first started investigating the surgery and contemplating having it. I even told both my bosses at that time. As it turned out, this was a very good choice for me because one of them had had VGB and she was so supportive of my decision. My family was also very supportive. Most of the people I work with knew and all of them did when I received my approval. I started the process in August, changed doctors the middle of October and had my surgery November 29. So there wasn't a lot of time involved. Now, I tell anyone who will listen about it.
   — Patty_Butler

September 30, 2002
I told everyone as soon as I had a date set. My boss was especially supportive and all of my family and friends were as well. My family had watched my repeated efforts to lose the weight for years without success. I also discussed at length with them what the risks and lifestyle changes would be and it was obvious to them that this was hardly the "easy way out". I've had one or two "friends" say that I was cheating and that I woud feel better about myself if I did it the right way. I simply told them that this wasn't a game we were playing and that there is no right or wrong way-the bottom line is to get the weight off. Whichever method you use to accomplish that is immaterial. If they still give you a hard time, they are not really acting in your best interest. I have found that there are some people out there that take a negative view of everything and this is no different. The most important thing of all is how YOU feel. Just go to the before and after photos and look at the faces of the people who have lost the weight. Do they seem unhappy with their decision? I wish you well! - Mike
   — Michael N.

September 30, 2002
Kimberly, first you have to make the decision whether you even want to tell family members, friends and co-workers. You don't have to tell anyone you don't want to. This is a private decision and no one says you have to tell. And if you "know" that you will receive negative comments from someone, then don't tell them. I told my husband, sister and a few close friends before the surgery. I told my parents and few other relatives about 3 months after the surgery, when the results started to show. And I have told no one at work. For those who have noticed the weight loss and asked "how?", I tell them the rules of the Pouch- lots of protein, low carbs and fat, small frequent meals, water and exercise. End of story. Because I have only told those whom I knew would be supportive, I have not faced the "easy way out" folks. To them I would say, "walk a mile in my shoes with several 50 pound sacks of dog food". Then let them see how easy it is.
   — Cindy R.

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