Question:
What do I tell people who ask how I managed to lose so much weight?
Im down 90 lbs Im starting to get comments on how great I look. Most of these comments are followed up by questions on how I managed to do it. Ive been really struggling with this because I dont like to lie but likewise Im not sure I like my neighbors or the mailman or even extended relatives knowing Ive had WLS. Soon I will be facing a situation where I am surrounded by extended family and I know the subject will come up. I just dont know what to tell them without getting the uncomfortable feeling that Ive said too much. Any suggestions? — Rita O. (posted on March 16, 2000)
March 15, 2000
Like you, I didn't tell many people about my WLS. Only my
hubby, children, parents and 2 brothers and 2 friends know.
The 2 friends are co-workers and one had WLS surgery 5 years
ago. I'm only 2 months postop but have lost 38 pounds. I
started out at 226, so people are seeing my loss early on.
I've had a few comments like, you're melting before my eyes.
I don't know if they suspect. I told everyone I had gall-
blader surgery and yes it really was removed.I tell them I
stick to 20 fat grams day, have cut cut my portion size down
to half,I don't eat anything with sugar in it, no fried foods,
and I walk everyday. I just started weight training too.
People at work see me walking and have seen me eat. All of
the above is true, no lies. If someone followed those hints,
they'd lose too. I just didn't have the willpower to follow
them before. Now I physically am forced to follow this regimen.
Happy trails and congrats on your loss. Enjoy! Lou Ann
— Lou Ann J.
March 15, 2000
Whenever anyone asks I just tell them that I am eating lots of protein and
change the subject. If they keep prying and it is obvious that they know
about it I still tell them that I am eating lots of protein. tee hee.
Eventually they take the hint. I hope this helps a little. I had open RNY
on 1-19-00 and #34 is gone!
— Lady C.
March 15, 2000
I don't like to tell people about the surgery either. However, I usually
do, for two reasons. One, the person who asks me may know someone who
could benefit from surgery, and two, I don't want to be a part of
perpetuating the myth that all it takes to lose weight is dieting and a
little will-power.
— Kim H.
March 15, 2000
I just tell people I have been dieting and watching what I eat eatting
little amounts and exercising like crazy. No one needs to know exactly how
you lost the weight. Congrads on losing so much Keep up the good work
— dawn D.
March 15, 2000
Good answer Kim. In general I don't think it's a good idea to anything you
are ashamed of. We should not feel like second class citizens because we
chose to do somthing about our obesity. If someone is critical our of
decision us we can say "thank you for sharing that with me" and
let it go at that. Spouting our choice like a rabid salesman is one thing
but saying "I chose to have weight loss surgery and so far, it's
working well for me" doesn't seem like a shameful statement. There is
always the inevitable statement from someone who knows someone who had the
same thing done and they gained all their weight back yadda yadda. Again, a
simple statement of "I hope that doesnt happen to me" should
suffice. Stand up for your rights as a human being and the choices you
make.
— [Anonymous]
March 16, 2000
I started out not wanting to tell anyone. Feeling like people may think I
took the "easy" way out. This was by no means the easy way out.
I have lost 95 lbs to date and am about 10 from my goal weight. I run into
people who haven't seen me in awhile and they don't recognize; it is quite
the metamorphosis. I have begun to tell people and it isn't so bad. Just
be prepared for many, many questions.
— kelly P.
March 16, 2000
I've enjoyed reading the previous folk's posts to this question. Someone
told me long ago the trick about putting the question back on the asker (?)
by saying "Why do you want to know?" They certainly have the
opportunity to show you where they are coming from - and many times they
are just nosey or jealous! I will not lie, so, since I'll be having open
rny in a couple of weeks, I too have been weighing (lol) this decision. I
have found myself doodling by drawing pictures of the RNY procedure (I'm
somewhat artistic, ha!). My husband looks over in church and laughs at my
drawings!!! I doubt that anyone else would suspect that I was drawing
stomachs and intestines! Thanks for the questions so I could read all
these responses! Lady Chaos had a particularly good answer, I thought.
— Cindy H.
March 16, 2000
I'm having my surgery in 2-1/2 weeks and I've wondered about the same
thing. I've decided to use the "gall bladder removed" story,
(which is sort of true) and if they really want to know I'll just say
"I had the Carnie Wilson Surgery." I figure most of the
un-familiar can understand that easier than going through all the details.
Besides, by the time it's noticable, I know I'll feel so good and energetic
that I won't give a flip about what anyone thinks but me!
— Mark T.
March 16, 2000
For me it depends on who is asking. If it is a large person for instance I
tell the truth because I feel they may benifit. But if it is someone who I
hardly know and I know they are just being nosey then I tell them
"Diet and exercise" which is also the truth!! jenae RNY 3/29/99
150 lbs lost
— jenae C.
March 16, 2000
Rita,
I didn't tell ANYBODY (except the people who prayed fervently for me!)
- not even family , when I had the surgery
because I didn't feel like they would be supportive. I was lucky
enough to also have my gall bladder out, so after surgery, I told
people I had my gall bladder out. (I was thankful because I too,
won't lie) As I have healed and lost weight (I am 8 weeks postop and down
34 lbs.) I have confided in some people- ones I trust, but others, no.
If a nontrustworthy person asks, I just say I lost weight from
the GB surgery and decided to go with it by dieting
(by limiting fats and sugar) and exercising, which is the truth. As I get
more confidence in my ability to lose weight and KEEP it off,
I have more confidence to tell people. Good Luck!
— M B.
March 16, 2000
Why can't we just tell them the truth? I've been telling EVERYBODY I know
that I'm having WLS(except my ex-husband, lol) and that was just to see his
face when comes to the house 3 months from now. I'm so tired of people
saying "Oh, you're gonna have THAT surgery?" or "Why would
you want to do that to you're body?" What would happen if I showed
people that WLS ACTUALLY WORKS???? I can't wait a few more months when I
can say "Yea, I lost 100 lbs in 6 months from WLS, and it's NOT coming
back!" Everybody ought to try and say it . . . it feels good :)
— Erin M S.
March 16, 2000
I have read many people's response with interest. I am going next week for
my first consultation with another provider, so I am still in the
'planning' stages. But I have kept all those close to me and some of my
closer work colleagues apprised of my goal and progress in the development.
I think of myself as an educator, here to dispell mistaken notions, myths
and prejudice, even if I have to suffer a few fools along the way. It is
like anything else, the less mystery, the less people are
interested....Fondly,
— merri B.
March 16, 2000
Thank you for asking the question, and thanks to everyone for their very
informative answers. I will be having surgery soon, and have been
struggling with this as well. I have been extremely cautious about who I
tell and what I tell. One reason is that I do not want to feel obligated
to tell everything about the surgery. This is my business, and it's for
ME!! Many people have preconceived notions about overweight people and
obesity surgery. Under normal circumstances I just ignore their ignorance
and move on, but after surgery I feel I will have enough challenges to
face, and extra pressure from other people is something I don't need. This
is especially true at work. Just this week I have started to carefully
tell the correct people (my manager and HR person) that I am having surgery
- nothing more. Later I am sure they'll notice changes, and if they ask, I
will say it's the result of my surgery. If they press further, and I don't
want to share, then I have resolved to politely say it's a private matter.
I certainly have no problem telling my support system (close friends and
church members) because I want (and need) their support and prayers. I am
not telling my parents until I know the exact surgery date, because I don't
know how they will react, and I don't want pressure from them either. I
really have no idea how they will feel about the surgery. I guess there's
no real answer. All I can say is that you'll know when it's
"right" to tell someone and you'll know how much you'll want to
tell.:)
— Paula G.
March 16, 2000
You tell them you have taken control of your life, and that you are eating
less. This is the truth. They do not need to know that you had surgery,
unless you want to share it with them.
— Sharon H.
March 16, 2000
Hi Rita, I am still pre-op. But I think that honesty is usually the best
policy.I have told everyone, what I am about to do. Its a very brave and
courageous think that we are all doing. I have found that there are alot of
people who know nothing about this option.I live in a city of 65,000 and
the local newspaper has contacted me and will be doing a story of my
progress once a month in the health section on the paper. They will be
doing photos, and talking to my friends to find out some of the changes
that they have noticed in me.My theory is that if you come out and tell the
truth them people can't speculate behind your back.
— STAR W.
March 16, 2000
This is just my opinion--but for all of you feeling good about being
"honest" by saying "I cut calories and am exercising"--
if you could have done it like that you wouldn't have needed surgery. Diet
and exercise did NOT work for you, so saying it did IS dishonest. When I
was considering surgery and heard mostly negative stories from friends and
family--"My cousin's friends wife had it and now she is still fat and
has diarrhea every 15 minutes", etc..... I decided that if I had
surgery and it worked for me, I would tell everyone. I had it 5 and a half
months ago and have lost 81 lbs so far (286 to 205). I tell everyone who
asks and some that don't. I hope that the more of us who have this life
saving surgery and don't treat it like it's some nasty secret only to be
shared with a few people, the less negative stereotypes people will have.
You don't have to be ashamed that you needed surgery to lose the weight!
Be proud of your courage and your weight loss and tell your stories--it
WILL help others and it will probably help YOU too. Good luck to us all...
— Cheryl W.
March 16, 2000
Hi Rita: When people started commenting on my weight loss, I tell them
it's the result of some surgery that I had to have. I don't go into detail
usually, and most people are not bold enough to ask questions beyond that.
For the ones who do, if I don't want to talk to them about it, I tell them
it's personal and I'd rather not discuss it. Sometimes I say the surgery
was for a metabolic problem I was having. So, it depends on the situation,
the person asking, and my mood. Sometimes I tell the whole story! Good
luck with your weight loss. Jaye Carl, open proximal RNY 7-29-99, 95
pounds gone forever!
— Jaye C.
March 17, 2000
Cheryl Whittaker, your answer to this question has really convicted me
about my attitude and behavior about being honest about my weight loss. I
think you hit a nerve in me about diet and exercise being the reason I'm
loosing weight being misleading; you are right, it's the surgery which is
causing me to loose the weight and spurring be on to eat less, eat well and
exercise. I think I will have to re-evaluate my answers to people- you've
made me think about how I would feel if people hadn't shared their WLS
stories with me. Thank you for helping ME reassess MY thoughts. What do I
have to be smug about or high and mighty that I am loosing weight-I was a
complete failure at it before surgery. I am ashamed OF MYSELF. (Don't
criticise me or rage and war and rant about my comments. They are how I
feel about MY situation. Everyone is entitled to say and do what they are
comfortable with-it's just that now, I've personally been convicted by
Cheryl's comments)
— Fran B.
March 17, 2000
Bravo, Cheryl W.!! You had the courage to say what I did not.
I agree 100% with Cheryl. We would not be here if diet and
exercise worked, and to tell people that is not only dishonest,
it perpetuates the myth that all us "fatties" need is to get
a little will-power.
— Kim H.
March 17, 2000
I am being honest about my surgery with family and friends. I have only
told my employer that I am having gastric bypass surgery and left it up to
them to find out what it is if they want to know more. For those who are
suffering from "morbid curiosity", I have this answer planned.
"I was diagnosed with a terminal disease which took surgery to
cure." If they have the audacity to press further and ask what it was
I plan to respond, "Morbid obesity."
— [Deactivated Member]
March 17, 2000
Hey, I said the same thing Fran and Cheryl did? Cheryl, you sure have a way
with words, lol. Straight and to the point. That's the way it should be!
Diet and exercise is a lie, for me right now. When I do get to the wieght I
wan tto be at, then I'll do everything I can to maintain. Thanks again for
listening.
— Erin M S.
March 23, 2000
I've told EVERYBODY!! I have no problems with telling people
that I am going to have WLS and have received MUCH more
support than negativity. My friends/family/co-workers are very
interested in it and this way I don't have to worry about
anyone thinking later that I am sick or something when I start
losing the weight quickly.
— Cheryl R.
June 23, 2000
Hi,
I am having surgery on July 10th. Yippee!!! I also have thought about
what I will tell co-workers and some friends. I have the same problem,
that I can't lie so I have decided to just say..."I did whatever it
takes to get it off, I am not eating much and excersising more." I
feel that this will be an honest statement, I am doing what ever it takes,
I will be eating less and I will be excersising. So I think in the
beginning that is what I will be saying.
Cathy
— Cathy G.
June 23, 2000
What difference would it possibly make if your neighbors new you had WLS?
I have told everyone the whole truth: Morbid obesity is a disease that
requires a radical surgical procedure in order for me to live a more
normal, less disabled life. People have then come to me to get more
information on how they can help a family member or friend get this type of
surgery. As far as I know, it is like anything else in this world. You
will be interesting to them for about 15 minutes, then they won't really
care how, why or when you had such a procedure. Fondly,
— merri B.
June 24, 2000
I agree with Merri. Every time I hear a horror story I am glad that I have
told people. I am not going to be the one that it fails for and I am not
going to be the one that starves to death and eats only candy bars and
soda. I am not going to be the one that throw up after every bite. What I
am going to be is the one that is an inspiration to others that are having
the same struggles as I am having. It gave me hope to see successes and I
hope that my success will give encouragement to them also. I am not ashamed
and it is not like they didn't know I needed to do something when I weighed
322. I think it was really clear that I had a problem. If asked, I share my
solution. I just want to end some of those myths if I can.
— S S.
June 24, 2000
I've told everyone: friends, coworkers, neighbors and family. My husband
has even told the guys he works with. Everyone is cheering me on to my
face (and hopefully behind my back too). I had surgery almost 3 months
ago, am down almost 60 lbs and I feel GREAT! At first I was a little
embarrassed to admit that I couldn't lose weight the "normal" way
with diet and exercise. But I've gotten to the point where I don't really
care how I do it, I just know that this is the best thing I could've done
for myself. If someone asks me questions I answer them. I draw pictures if
I need to. I want to spread the word about this wonderful tool. One of my
friends is even considering WLS now because she hasn't been able to lose
weight through more traditional methods. So far I've only had one
person(my neighbor) tell me about someone he knew who had WLS and "it
didn't work for her." I just let it go at that. I knew the only way
to change his mind about WLS was to keep doing what I'm doing and become a
WLS success story. This is a medical procedure that is going to improve
the quality of our lives and extend our lives. We shouldn't be embarrassed
about it.
— Kellie L.
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