Question:
Would like to ask help on dealing with some of the issues about being obese.
I am a very large woman. I weigh around 516 lbs and am 6'1". I sometimes feel my battle with weight is almost hopeless. Many people suggest that I can just go on a diet & loss weight, but I have tried since I was little with no success. I honestly feel I am unable to conquer this battle alone & I see weight loss surgery as an option that possibly might work for me. This week I went for a consultation but I do not believe my insurance will cover even with letters from 5 doctors. The last 2 years have resulted in some health problems related to my weight. Other issues of concern are items that obese individuals must face such as having to state my weight today to order a gown for graduation that will probably never even come near fitting me anyway yet everyone I work with will now most likely know how much I weigh. Issues such as worrying about whether or not you will break the toliet seat when you sit down or the chair in someone else's home or whether you will be able to get up once you sit down, or fit into a chair at the movies or the constant looks or comments by others or going to Weight Watcher's & everyone saying how much did you lose this week when you have to reply "I don't really know because I could not weigh on the scale." I enjoy eating, but I do not enjoy being fat so please respond by offering any advice or help possible. I am new to the computer world & have never talked on a Chat line so I am a little hesitant & also cautious about being critized for what I might say or write. — [Anonymous] (posted on April 12, 2000)
April 12, 2000
You have found no better place than this web site.
Nobody will judge you or criticize for being honest and open. We have
also walked a mile in shoes similar to yours. You must sit down and
decide how you want to handle this obstacle. You have a few options. Even
though they may seem unattainable all it takes is to put the wheels into
motion. What are your options? Are you thinking about WLS (weight loss
surgery)? Who is your insurance company? Is there a support group in your
area? Is there a doctor in your area that does WLS? You can find most of
this info on this web site!!!
Good luck and god bless. Remember you are a child of god!!!
— Paula G.
April 12, 2000
I really feel for you and wish that I could help you in some way. What
insurance do you have? Where do you live? Is there an exclusion in your
insurance? Mine did and they paid for it anyway cuz of the health issues
that was caused by my weight. I am almost 10 weeks post and I have lost
40lbs. I started out at 277 and I feel better already. I hope that you
can get the surgery. keep us posted we care
— Lee Ann B.
April 12, 2000
You are not alone in your need to address the quality of your life.
Nothing you have mentioned would be a surprise to anyone, because so many
of us have been there. Please feel secure in the knowledge we are here FOR
YOU!!!!! This web site is an absolute godsend and wealth of information.
Be patient with yourself (and your computer skills) and take the time to
really pour over all the information that is available. 1) Look for info
on your particular insurance. 2) Don't get discouraged about your insurance
as you will read MANY MANY stories of people who OVERCAME their insurance
hurtles. It may take a while, but you WILL do it, and it is not
impossible. 3) Contact people (using their profiles) who have the same
insurance you do. 4) Look at a list of surgeons in your area, and find
out what insurance they carry. 5) Become as knowledgeable as you can
about the various procedures and more importantly the changes you will need
to make with this surgery. KNOWLEDGE IS POWER, and the more informed you
are about the surgery, the more confident you will be when doctors and
those around you start getting negative about it. 6) Read over past
questions and answers to gain knowledge on how people cope with this
procedure. 7) Realize that although you would think they should know
better, there are MANY MANY health care professionals who are completely
ignorant about obesity and WLS. 7) Regardless of how much you weigh, how
old you are or how bad your health is, it is NEVER too late to address your
health and improve your quality of life. YOU DESERVE BETTER, AND THIS
SURGERY CAN PUT YOU ON THAT TRACK. Good luck and God bless. Please feel
free to e-mail me privately if I can be of any more help.
[email protected]
— Paula G.
April 12, 2000
You've certainly come to the right place. I just found this site recently
myself and think it's one of the best places for information, advice, and
support you will find anywhere. I am also tall (just over 6 feet) and
sometimes feel like being so tall AND overweight is just so hard -- we
really stand out in a crowd! :) Don't take NO for an answer from your
insurance. I was just approved today after calling every day for two
weeks. I'm sure others can tell you there are things you can do to press
the issue. "Keep bugging them" was one that I took to heart and
it worked. I'm new to this process myself, so I don't have too many
suggestions -- except to keep coming back here, you will learn a lot! Oh
-- and to hang in there, if it is meant to be for you, it will happen.
— Beth B.
April 12, 2000
Sweetheart, your note really touched me. Just about everyone here has been
exactly where you're at. There's so much shame and embarrassment with
being obese - sometimes that's worse than the physical difficulties we deal
with! You are not alone -- I've broken toilet seats, I've wedged my butt
into seats far too small and sat uncomfortably for hours because there was
no choice, I've had well-meaning people ask me to get up from my chair and
sit somewhere else because the seat I was on was fragile, I've had to bend
into strange positions just to wipe my butt after using the restroom...
yeah, I think we've all pretty much been there. Surgery has turned out to
be the answer to my prayers, and it will work for you too. Just set your
sights on it, and if you want it, you'll find a way to get it.
((((((hugs)))))))
— Kim H.
April 12, 2000
Well, I guess by now you've discovered that you are surrounded by love,
acceptance, understanding and support. Is this a site, or what? Everybody
on this site has been (or is) exactly where you are. We come in different
sizes, different colors, different religious backgrounds, but we have one
thing in common - we are obesely overweight and we know what it feels like
to experience what you're going through. PLEASE stick with it. If you
decide that surgery is the way to go for you, fight for yourself to get it.
We'll be here for you every step of the way. Nancy G.
— Nancy G. W.
April 12, 2000
Well, I know how you feel! I was not as large as you are, but
the feelings were the same. First, don't dismiss the fact
that your insurance company would not cover the procedure.
You have to take the initiative to find out, if you're not
sure how to do that, check with the doctor's office or check
with the personnel office where you work and ask them how to
get in direct touch with your insurance carrier. Next, know
that more and more insurance carriers are indeed covering
the procedure knowing that it "saves" them monies in the long
run because you have less medical problems in the future and
will cost them less ultimately. I am in California, and I
work in a surgeon's office and we received a bulletin from
Medi-Cal (in some states called Medi=Caid) and now they are
even covering the procedure "when medically indicated" ( which
means when documented by a physician). Please don't be
afraid of entering the chat room. People are friendly there,
and wanting to help others. I had my surgery over a year
ago and frequently go "there" for added moral support and/or
to see if I can answer questions for someone or help them in
some other way "having been there" already. I hope I have
helped you in some way or another. If you have any other
questions I might be able to answer directly for you, I do
not mind you emailing me direct ([email protected]). I check
my email each evening (usually)and I'll get back to you asap.
In the mean time, take care and know that there are lots of
"us" out here who care. Judy
— Judy P.
April 13, 2000
"HELLO!!!!" Those were the first words that were ever
"typed" to me in the chat room on this website. Immediately
followed by "Glad to have you here!", "HI", "Do
you have a WLS question?" "How are you tonight?" and
"Nice to meet you!
This is such a great group of people, so kind, giving, and caring that you
really have nothing to worry about...you can tell them anything, ask them
anything, and still walk away with your dignity.
I got stuck on a ride in Walt Disney World, when I told them, do you think
they laughed. Nope, they were concerned, and felt horrible for me. Ok
after awhile, we all laughed but they made sure I was ok first!!!
I dont think I would be having my surgery on 4-25-00 if I hadnt have popped
into the chat room 9 months ago.
So, if it is support you are looking for, YOU GOT IT!!!! If not, then you
better run...because we care about you already!!!! (I can see by all of
the responses below me).
So welcome to the group...I hope to get a chance to chat with you in the
CHAT ROOM...incase you dont notice me right away, I am the obese one.
(LOL) ;o)~ ((((((HUGS))))))
— ginariso
April 13, 2000
Hi Sweetie, I just wanted to add my 2 cents to all the wonderful and
supportive posts that some have posted. First of all, please, PLEASE don't
be afraid to talk to anyone in this group. EVERYONE here has been where
you are now and we are only here to support you and love you for who you
are, no matter how much you weigh! Second, have you looked over your
insurance policy to see how the "treatment of obesity/morbid
obesity" is covered? If you have an Explanation of Benefits, it
should tell you in there whether it is a covered procedure or excluded. If
you don't have that Explanation of Benefits and you are too embarassed to
talked to your administrator of benefits, you could call the insurance
company directly and make a request for one. That way no one in your
office or place of employment will know what you are going through. Also,
if you happen to be on Medicare or Medicaid, more than likely they will pay
for the surgery. I was on Medicaid and they paid for all but $100 of my
surgery. If you need any help, whatsoever, please feel free to email me
and I will see what I can do to help you out. But don't be a stranger,
please don't feel intimidated by us, we have all been where you are now.
And we will firmly take your Internet hand and hold it all the way
through!!! Good Luck, hun...Marni Wynne [email protected]
— Marni
April 13, 2000
First of all no one I mean no one will ever critizie you on
this web site or chat room. If they do you should notify
eric or someone else and that person will be dealt with.
We all can relate to everything you are saying about yourself
and the insurance problem.There are many on this site who
are still fighting their insurance for approval. Others are
even heavier than you on this site or started out heavier.
Even though I started out at 300 I still had the same feelings
as you. I broke my share of chairs and toliet seats. Been
told just eat less and go on a diet. Well I think once we are
past a certain point diets will not work no matter how hard we
try. Try the chat room you will find support, encouragment,
the ability to fight for what you want, and a will to keep
going. We have all been where you are, we know exactly how
you feel. We support each other every step of the way.We will
never ever critize you. We will help you every step of the way.
We will cheer for you when you get your first consult, your
first pre-test, your date for surgery, and every step and pound
you go through. We are not the outside society what looks
at you as though you should diet. We are you and you are us.
Please come to the chat room, we will welcome you with open
arms.
— chris M.
April 13, 2000
Hello. YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!!! There are thousands, millions, of US out
there to help and encourage you.
I too have often had to forgo some plan with my slim friends because I
can't fit in the seats.
In the warm weather, everyone loves to sit outside at restaurants, I can't
fit in the chairs. My friends and
family are very supportive. Sometimes, I think they support me to the
extent they make me feel I don't have a
problem, when indeed I do. So I decided to stop worrying about everyone
else - supporters or detractors, and worry
about myself and my health. I know you are new to computers, but I am
sure, you can find coverage for the surgery if
you do a lot of searching. Don't give up. You can be what ever size if
right for you - what ever size makes you comfortable.
I am going to have the surgery in August this year. I am so excited about
it. I wish you the best of luck.
— Norma S.
April 13, 2000
Welcome home, hon! I can honestly say that my experience of this site has
been enormously positive -- warm, supportive, and, above all, safe. After
all, we've all been there, done that, and own shares in the t-shirt
concession. No one will criticize you for what you think, or write, or say
... we've got the outside world for that!
I can, and do, identify with you ... the first thing I do when I go into a
new meeting room is make sure there's a chair I figure I can squish into
without too much to-do, and then I spend the meeting worrying that when I
get up the darn thing will be stuck to my butt! I send you all good
thoughts and wishes in your struggles ... you are not alone, and we're here
24/7. Remember, there are no stupid questions, no "wrong"
opinions, and that we value you for you. We can't see you, so what your
physical self looks like is of no concern to us ... we care about your
inside self, and we can see, and understand, more than you know.
Keep on keeping on!
— Cheryl Denomy
May 2, 2000
Chris and Cheryl are incorrect; being criticized on this site is not
uncommon and can be intentionally cruel. I don't mean to frighten you,
just let you know there are those who simply cannot deal with whatever is
hurting them without hurting others in the process. I would like to echo
the encouragement to participate. Even when you soar with eagles, you
occasionally land next to a turkey. If you've done your research and
believe this surgery is right for you, don't give up on the insurance
aspect, either. Try www.obesitylaw.com for a few suggestions on that
front.
— s M.
May 3, 2000
Boy, does your life sound like mine! I am 5'7" and weigh 497 (down
from 530ish). I actually had a wall mounted toilet break, while I was
sitting on it, having just "done my business" (It was the leaning
to one side that cracked the porcelin). But, I know that what I have is a
disability resulting from an ambush of fat genes from both sides, and fate
that had me be sedentary due to uncontrolled asthma, the effects of
cortisone and some bad habits of finding love, comfort and alleviation from
boredom in eating. IT IS NOT MY FAULT. However, I am responsible for the
care of my body, so, knowing all of the that, and that statistically I have
0% chance of losing and maintaining weight loss, then the next responsible
act I can do is research and selct the best surgery for me, which I have
done. I have been compliant with the pre-op process, and will fight my
insurance if necessary, which I don't think will happen. I have a great
life, it will be better when I have handled this tortorous disease more
aggressively. I will do what I need to do in follow-up care, as it is all
part of the treatment process. Like being an asthmatic, I will always be
at risk of the obesity disease advancing, but I will continue to do what I
can to keep it from taking my life. You either manage your disability, or
it will manage you. As, William Wallace said as his guts were being ripped
out, FREEDOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Fondly,
— merri B.
May 3, 2000
Boy, does your life sound like mine! I am 5'7" and weigh 497 (down
from 530ish). I actually had a wall mounted toilet break, while I was
sitting on it, having just "done my business" (It was the leaning
to one side that cracked the porcelin). But, I know that what I have is a
disability resulting from an ambush of fat genes from both sides, and fate
that had me be sedentary due to uncontrolled asthma, the effects of
cortisone and some bad habits of finding love, comfort and alleviation from
boredom in eating. IT IS NOT MY FAULT. However, I am responsible for the
care of my body, so, knowing all of the that, and that statistically I have
0% chance of losing and maintaining weight loss, then the next responsible
act I can do is research and selct the best surgery for me, which I have
done. I have been compliant with the pre-op process, and will fight my
insurance if necessary, which I don't think will happen. I have a great
life, it will be better when I have handled this tortorous disease more
aggressively. I will do what I need to do in follow-up care, as it is all
part of the treatment process. Like being an asthmatic, I will always be
at risk of the obesity disease advancing, but I will continue to do what I
can to keep it from taking my life. You either manage your disability, or
it will manage you. As, William Wallace said as his guts were being ripped
out, FREEDOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Fondly,
— merri B.
January 28, 2001
I see that it has been almost a year since anyone responded to your
question. I do hope that, since the time of your posting, you have found
the answer you needed, and I pray that your situation has improved. I,
too, face the things you face...the chairs that don't fit, the toilet seats
that break, etc. etc. I should insert here that I believe I weigh over 500
lbs., but I have no sure way of knowing, since I can't find scales that go
that high. I have been considering WLS for a while now, and have decided
that I am ready to pursue it as a last ditch effort to win this battle.
However, I am an employee of the State of Mississippi and my insurance does
not cover WLS for any reason, including cardiac or diabetic or
"medically necessary". You can imagine that this put me in a bad
spot. I found out something though. There is a state sponsored entity
called "Vocational Rehabilitation". Vocational Rehab helps those
whose health interferes with their job performance. Every county should
have one. They are just not advertised very openly. I have found several
people who have gone through Vocational Rehab for surgery funding, and
today (01/29/01) is the day I meet with the counsellor to apply for WLS
funding. I hope this helps. I noticed no one else had mentioned this
alternative.
— Darron K.
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