Question:
Is it normal for spouses to have last minute jitters or worries?

My hubby and I have talked many, many times about the surgery and what things will be like afterwards and he has always been very confident... well that was until 2 days ago. He was talking to a man that had the RNY done and had lost lots of weight. The man made a statement something to the effect of he and his wife got divorced because she didn't like the fact that he had a few 20 year old girlfriends. Ever since then my husband has been very worried or concerned about how I will be after the operation. Is this normal? Do most hubby's have this last minute nerves? My surgery is in 5 days! Is there anthing I can do to make him feel better about it?    — imano1momy (posted on July 6, 2001)

July 6, 2001
My husband has the same worries. For some, they are very justified. I have heard many times that if your marriage is good...having the surgery will make it better. BUT, if your marriage was already bad...the surgery will likely end it. I think a lot of it has to do with the self esteem problems that many of us have. Many stick in bad marriages because they either feel they deserve it or can't do any better. Once they lose the weight and get their self esteem back...they are gone. I really believe this to be true. I have tried to reassure my husband but I think only time will prove it to him. I don't know how long it will take. I had surgery March 22nd and have lost over 70 lbs so far. My husband is doing okay..but he still has his doubts. I will just have to reassure him daily and make sure I make him feel as sexy as he has made me feel all these years. He's a good man and very handsome...but self esteem is a problem for him as well. We'll both have to work on that I guess. I can't imagine anyone being as good of a husband and father as he has been...or being able to love anyone as much as I love him. I will just have to keep telling him that daily until he believes it ;) Good Luck:)
   — Nicole P.

July 7, 2001
Your husband is probably feeling like he is inadequate and thinks when other men get interested in you you will leave him. He may have such a low self-esteem that he thinks you chose him only because he was an only option. It is normal for them to be worried. You will be getting alot more attention from people when you lose weight(sad..but true) and he is probably afraid some other man will sweep you off your feet. Just keep being reassuring to him. Explain to him that he is the only man you want, after all, he loved you through the good and bad, and anyone else who will pay attention to you only after you lose weight is not someone you would be interested in. Lots of love with fix his worrying : )
   — [Anonymous]