Wax - - - - LMAO!

>This is funny! CAUTION: Be prepared to laugh out > > > > loud...I laughed till I almost cried as I could just > > > > see this happening! > > >All hair removal methods have tricked women with > > > > their promises of easy, painless removal - The > > > > epilady, scissors, razors, Nair and now...the wax. > > > My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come > > > > home, fix dinner, play with the kids. I then had the > > > > thought that would ring painfully in my mind for the > > > > next few hours: "Maybe I should pull the waxing kit > > > > out of the medicine cabinet." So I headed to the site > > > > of my demise: the bathroom. > > >It was one of those "cold wax" kits. No melting a > > > > clump of hot wax, you just rub the strips together in > > > > your hand, they get warm and you peel them apart and > > > > press them to your leg (or wherever else) and you pull > > > > the hair right off. No muss, no fuss. How hard can it > > > > be? I mean, I'm not a genius, but I am mechanically > > > > inclined enough to figure this out. > > > > (YA THINK!?!) > >So I pull one of the thin strips out. Its two strips > > > > facing each other stuck together. Instead of rubbing > > > > them together, my genius kicks in so I get out the > > > > hair dryer and heat it to 1000 degrees. ("Cold wax," > > > > yeah...right!) I lay the strip across my thigh. Hold > > > > the skin around it tight and pull. It works! OK, so it > > > > wasn't the best feeling, but it wasn't too bad. I can > > > > do this! Hair removal no longer eludes me! I am > > > > She-rah, fighter of all wayward body hair and maker of > > > > smooth skin extraordinaire. > > >With my next wax strip I move north. After checking > > > > on the kids, I sneak back into the bathroom, for the > > > > ultimate hair fighting championship. > > > > I drop my panties and place one foot on the toilet. > > > > Using the same procedure, I apply the one strip across > > > > the right side of my bikini line, covering the right > > > > half of my *hoo-hoo* and stretching down to the inside > > > > of my butt cheek (Yes, it was a long strip) I inhale > > > > deeply and brace myself....RRRRIIIPPP!!!! > > >I'm blind!!! Blinded from pain!!!!....OH MY > > > > GOD!!!!!!!!! Vision returning, I notice that I've only > > > > managed to pull off half the strip. > > > > CRAP!!! Another deep breath and RRIIPP!! Everything > > > > is swirling and spotted. I think I may pass out...must > > > > stay conscious...Do I hear crashing drums??? Breathe, > > > > breathe...OK, back to normal. > > >I want to see my trophy - a wax covered strip, the > > > > one that has caused me so much pain, with my hairy > > > > pelt sticking to it. I want to revel in the glory that > > > > is my triumph over body hair. I hold up the strip! > > > > There's no hair on it. Where is the hair??? WHERE IS > > > > THE WAX??? > > >Slowly I ease my head down, foot still perched on > > > > the toilet. I see the hair. The hair that should be on > > > > the strip. I touch. I am touching wax. > > >CRAP! I run my fingers over the most sensitive part > > > > of my body, which is now covered in cold wax and > > > > matted hair. Then I make the next BIG > > > > mistake...remember my foot is still propped up on the > > > > toilet? I know I need to do something. So I put my > > > > foot down. > > >DAMN!!!!!!!! I hear the slamming of a cell door. > > > > *hoo-hoo*? Sealed shut! > > > > Butt?? Sealed shut! > > >I penguin walk around the bathroom trying to figure > > > > out what to do and think to myself "Please don't let > > > > me get the urge to poop. My head may pop off!" What > > > > can I do to melt the wax? Ho****er!! Ho****er melts > > > > wax!!! > > >I'll run the hottes****er I can stand into the > > > > bathtub, get in, immerse the wax-covered bits and the > > > > wax should melt and I can gently wipe it off, right??? > > > > WRONG!!!!!!! > > >I get in the tub - the water is slightly hotter than > > > > that used to torture prisoners of war or sterilize > > > > surgical equipment - I sit. > > >Now, the only thing worse than having your nether > > > > regions glued together is having them glued together > > > > and then glued to the bottom of the tub...in scalding > > > > ho****er. Which, by the way, doesn't melt cold wax. > > >So, now I'm stuck to the bottom of the tub as though > > > > I had cement-epoxied myself to the porcelain!! > > >I call my friend, thinking surely she has waxed > > > > before and has some secret of how to get me undone. > > > > It's a very good conversation starter - "So, my butt > > > > and who-ha are glued together to the bottom of the > > > > tub!" > > >There is a slight pause. She doesn't know any secret > > > > tricks for removal but she does try to hide her > > > > laughter from me. She wants to know exactly where the > > > > wax is located, "Are we talking cheeks or who-ha?" > > >She's laughing out loud by now...I can hear her. I > > > > give her the rundown and she suggests I call the > > > > number on the side of the box. YEAH!!!!! > > > > Right!! I should be the joke of someone else's > > > > night. > >While we go through various solutions. I resort to > > > > scraping the wax off with a razor. Nothing feels > > > > better then to have your girlie goodies covered in hot > > > > wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub in super ho****er > > > > and then dry-shaving the sticky wax off!! > > >By now the brain is not working, dignity has taken a > > > > major hike and I'm pretty sure I'm going to need > > > > Post-Traumatic Stress counseling for this event. > > >My friend is still talking with me when I finally > > > > see my saving grace....the lotion they give you to > > > > remove the excess wax. What do I really have to lose > > > > at this point? I rub some on and OH MY GOD!!!!!!! > > >The scream probably woke the kids and scared the > > > > dickens out of my friend. > > It's sooo painful, but I really don't care. > > > > "IT WORKS!! It works!!" > > > > I get a hearty congratulation from my friend and she > > > > hangs up. > > > > I successfully remove the remainder of the wax and > > > > then notice to my grief and despair....THE HAIR IS > > > > STILL THERE.......ALL OF IT!!!!!!!!!! > > > > So I recklessly shave it off. Heck, I'm numb by now. > > > > Nothing hurts. > > > > I could have amputated my own leg at this point. > > >Next week I'm going to try hair color...... > > > > Now that's funny ......... Notttttttttt. Send this > > > > on to other ladies who need a good laugh.

That is hysterical I've read that one & love it.

Hilarious. The things we do for beauty. Karen S.

That was SO FUNNY! I sent that to all my friends. Thanks for sharing.