Compliments

Yep its me again with another issue. Being 450 lbs, I didn't get too many compliments from people except my partner. She always told me how pretty I was or how good I looked no matter how much weight I gained. I'm in SC visitng family for the week and everyone is telling me how good I look. I'm not use to the compliments. This may sound weird but.. they make me feel uncomfortable. I say thank you but they go on and on about it. When I first got home, my mom made a big issue about how slim my face looks. everyone that came over she had to point out how big my clothes were and how small my face was. I know this should make me feel good but it made me feel uncomfortable. Do yall think this is weird???? Ok I promise this is my last time venting for the day. Later, Kay

It's not wierd. We (the BIG girls) are not used to getting compliments unless they are false. I feel uncomfortable with them as well. Just smile, nod and tell yourself "you're damn right I look good!" Enjoy your family time! Leeanne

It is hard to get all the attention and compliments. I get tired and uncomfortable with people always asking how much I've lost or how I am feeling or telling me I should be resting. My weight and body is not up for public discussion!!!! I have tried to stop the behaviour Cara pointed out, saying something bad about myself after the compliment. If I am uncomfortable I just cut it short by an excited "THANKS!" and then turn the gushing their way with "You're looking great, too, is that a new outfit/hairdo/weight loss/shoes". OR "You've made some changes, too, is that a new hairdo/color/outfit, etc... Practice this, be ready, and toss out something even if you know they did not cut their hair, get a new outfit or whatever. This turns the tables and attention onto others. And then you can move the conversation onto something else.. Some people use 'compliments' as a power play - by asking about challening situations - especially in front of others - they are looking to elevate their own worth. By making you feel uncomfortable they feel stronger. Remember that relationships are going to change as we lose weight. There will be days ahead where we love compliments and strutting our stuff...we are worthy of great things!!!

Kay~ That is so funny. Yesterday my friend's husband said, "You're looking thinner these days. You look good." I just said, "thanks, what am I supposed to say to that?" It is hard to accept a compliment because my brain twists it around to saying, "Well you were FAT & UGLY, but you look better now." Do you think that way too? Dawn

Yep Dawn, I do the same thing. My brothers girlfriend said, " Kay, your face looks so slim and your skin is so pretty." The only thing I could think about was how horrible my face must of looked before surgery. Kay

Kay we love your rants, No this is not weird. As a fat person, we are not used to compliments and how to handle them. They are unfamiliar territory for us, and we are not certain how to deal with this new behavior from people. You and the rest of us will get use to it. A simple "Thanks" is all that's needed. In time we will all learn to enjoy it! Regards and hugs, Ronna

Kay, I think most people have a hard time accepting compliments, even skinny people. But, I do think it's harder for us, when we may have gotten less to begin with. I loved what Cara saida bout saying thank you and then trying to not "roll your eyes." My husband gets on me for this all the time. He'll pay me a compliment and I'll say thank you and then roll the eyes. Then he'll say, "oh, nice face, Lisa." Hey, I figure I've come along way just by saying thank you and not challenging him on why I think he's off his rocker by complimenting me like I used to! Anyway, I think it is going to take some time to get used to. I've just spent too much time over my life filling my head with negative talk about myself that it's hard to accept the positive things others say. Lisa S.

Hey Hey Hey Lay, I am tripping on the compliments myself. When someone told me I looked nice in the past I just shrugged it off, I did not feel it. Now I do feel it. more and more each day. Now I say "thank you" and have to really think about it to do it. I am thinking it only makes me uncomfortable when it's a huge group of people and everyone turns and stares *blushing* It also makes me uncomfortable when it's the same person saying it over and over during one conversation. How many ways can you say thank you? I simply change the subject right away and focus on something else. Like today I was at a friends house and she had a visitor. She said "Oh my gosh you look so god" and I said "thank you". A few sentences later she said another comment of how much I have changed and I said, "I see you have Krispy Kremes over there, I hate you." (just kidding her) But I can not handle repeat compliments quite yet. (if people only knew that I had no desire for any food let alone Krispy Kreme, thank God for the Honeymoon phase) The single compliments I can handle. It's the people that are struggling with their own weight that I don't like to talk about it with. Case and point: My sister is so jealous she can not see straight. It's actually put a strain on our relationship. I have not seen her since surgery, but she sees my profile page regularly. When we talk on the phone, surgery never even comes up. She talks to my other sister about it. Not bad comments, but you can just tell she is sad. I feel for her so much. I think that if the table were switched and it was me watching and wanting that I would feel the exact same way. I am not sure how to handle that one. She is one of several people that I avoid the topic with on all levels because they struggle with weight and must feel the want or ??? I don't know what. Sorry to have filled the box here Kay, I suppose I should have started a new post. I just wanted to share my sadness for the situation. I hope you enjoy your visit with the family. Love ya girl K

Thanks for sharing your experiances with me. Its good to know that people understand. Kay