Need to vent and get some advise

Ok. Here is my story. My sister had her Open Rny Feb 2003. She does not exercise and she is not eating anything healthy. She eats fat food hamburgers, candy, and anything else that she wants. She also eats too much, and then will throw it back up later on. This has become a daily routine for her. And she doesn't think anything is wrong. But everytime we eat, she will eat as much as possible, then about 20 minutes later, go into the bathroom. She has not exercised at all, and she has a lot of loose skin. I am having my surgery 3-31, and she keeps telling me that I am going to have the same problems as her and that I will have the flabby, loose skin that she has. This worries me. I am planning to join a health club, eat the right healthy foods and take really good care of myself. But I feel that she is a bad influence for me. What can I do?

It sounds like your sister need to get some counseling for behavior modification. What she is doing to herself is destructive!!! Don't follow that path. She will ultimately pay the price down the road. If she wasn't willing to really change her habits to become healthy and clean, why did she get the surgery in the first place? Just think of your goals, and why YOU are doing this. Stay focused, and keep on the straight and narrow. You can triumph over anything if you want to. People only have as much influence over you as you allow them to. You are in control of your self, your choices, and your behavior! Don't let someone elses self-abuse get you down. All you can do is be loving and supportive of your sister getting help for herself. It will be wonderful for you to keep to your own goals, and be the good example. Best of luck! Gabriella

I think she thought that having the surgery would do it all. That she would not have to change her lifestyle afterwards. I have tried to talk to her about it, but she thinks that I don't know what I am talking about. It worries me that she is going to get worse. I think some of it has already started - she is always sick and very tired. When she gets home from work, all she does is lay around. She doesn't even try to better herself. My goal is to not be like her or do what she is doing....

Well Terri, have you ever herd "You can bring a horse to water but ya can't make Him drink it" well it sounds to me like this is what will happen here with your sis, hopefully after you have your wls she will see how fantastic your doing and how much better your feeling that she may want to start doing the good things for herself like eat right and excersize, maybe you both can join Curves or something, But right now you need to be concerned about yourself and your new healthier life! say a prayer for her and keep the faith! who knows she just might surprise you! Hugz Mary

Hi Teri, This may sound mean but your sister may be a help by being so bad about using this as a tool. You see how she suffers and how sick she is and all because she still eats wrong and won't exercise even though she has this remarkable tool at her disposal. It would seem she needs counseling to deal with other stuff. Maybe when she hits rock bottom she'll get the help she needs.. In the meantime don't let her behavior deter you.. Let it be a constant reminder of what NOT to do.. As for flabby skin etc.. not even a plastic surgeon could tell you with certainty how much you'll have and what will "snap" back etc. So don't worry about that and don't sweat the small stuff.. AND when she is giving you negative advice.. consider the source and let it go in one ear and out the other.. I hope she gets her protein in because without it she'll have major problems and this may be why she stays tired... Good Luck!!! You're gonna do great!!! Kathy

Thank you for your advice. I am so glad that there is this website to help! I really need the support that I get from everyone here. I thought that my sister would be a great example to go off of, but since I have been watching here and seeing that she is not taking care of herself, I want to do the opposite of what she is doing. I don't think she realizes the health issues that she could have later on. But she is also very hard-headed and won't listen when I try to explain it to her. Thanks again for the words of encouragement!

Hi Teri, I don't have much to add here beyond what the others have said. You obviously see WLS as a tool and that you will need behavior modification to succeed. It sounds like your sister did not have adequate counseling going into her surgery to emphasis her part in WLS. You do what you need to do for yourself, and maybe your success will be a wake up call for your sister. Don't give up on your journey, Hugs, Mo doin' the 9 days and a wake up happy Mo dance

Teri--Your surgery may help BOTH of you. She is bound to notice by your example the differences and maybe you can help her recover from her destructive ways. A win win situation for both of you. You have the right attitude.

Teri: P R O V E H E R W R O N G !!!!!!!!! Blessings to you on 3/31, L Y N N

Teri, Your sis is a wonderful example of WHAT NOT TO DO! It's sad but it's also true. I have a friend who's that way. I was talking to her just yesterday and told her my doc wants clear liquids for 3 weeks. She said "Well, I ate a scrambled egg my second day home." This is the same gal who was eating McDonalds food and saying that she could only eat half of the fajita, at 4 weeks. I told her time and again that she shouldn't do that or eat that much. Her response was that she thought the doc had left her pouch 'a little bigger than everybody elses'. This gal has a hard head and has always been one to do things HER way. She's 15 months out and while she has had significant loss (about 150lbs)it's nowhere near what it could have been. I have another friend who followed the 'rules' and has lost literally half her body weight and it's only been 9 months. She was 100 pounds down from June to November! So in my friends I have two perfect examples, one of what TO do and another of what NOT to do. I think your sis should be your example of what NOT to do and maybe someone from here can be your example of what TO do. Good luck and best wishes! Gayle Queen of Yarn Balls