Flatulence Report

Greetings to all... As more Marchers have become LOSERS or as some like to say "post-op" I have been getting more and more reports on a growing problem.... This is why I have compiled a list of tips for anyone going thru these "issues" 1. Always try to blame someone else... this is best acheived by looking mildly irritated and appalled at the same time.. keep your eyes averted so you won't laugh 2. DO NOT make a big deal out of this no matter how proud you are.. For Instance--- Running thru the house high-fiving everyone and asking DID YOU HEAR THAT?? is completely inappropriate... 3. Be sure there are no small animals or priceless family heirlooms behind you when you feel the "urge". 4. In TRUE emergencies it's ok to yell "CLEAR" like on ER when they shock someone back to life.. SURE people will be a bit scared but not as scared as if you didn't warn them... 5. Please be aware you are not capable of "SILENT BUT DEADLY'S" they may be deadly but silence is not a virtue right now... 6. Also there is no need to send out "TEST FARTS" if you feel one then you have to get rid of it.. 7. In social situations you may have to use the old "I need some air" line to go for a good fartwalk... 8. On the plus side you can now enter competitions with your husband and truckdrivers and you'll WIN!!! 9. Anyone setting off the smoke detectors in their home will be awarded a prize.. 10. You can now gross out teenage boys!!!!!!!!!!!!! We here at Flatulence Central hope you find these tips helpful.... Sinseerlee, Kathy Offishal Marchers Cheerleader Captain Flatulence Monitor Angel to the Queen "It's time to throw down the pom poms and get into the game!"

Hey Kathy, Do you know how to get your surgery date and type posted to your profile? When I see you on the boards I'm always wondering cuz my memory is crap!

You go to Update Your Profile and it's on there with all the other little paragraphy things.. Or were you asking what my date is?? I don't have one.. I am forever a pre-op and a cheerleader.. Hope I answered your question :smile: Sinseerlee, Kathy Offishal Marchers Cheerleader Captain Flatulence Monitor Angel to the Queen "It's time to throw down the pom poms and get into the game!"

Thanks Kathy. This is precious. But give me suggestions for the restrooms at work,,You can only do so many flushes. Sugarplum Open RNY 3/16

OHHHHHH I KNOW THIS ONE!!!!!! My brother told me this when I started working in an office.. OK You have to go in and wait for it to be empty.. OK this does take SOME planning.. Close all the stall doors .. there's usually a slot in the lock handle on the outside of the stall... take the one on the far end so when someone comes in they assume it's a full house and they leave... then you can LET IT RIP As you're leaving if someone walks in on an embarrassing noise or two just look at the closed stall doors and look disgusted as if to say "who's in there?" IF all else fails.. you can take a spare pair of shoes into work with you.. put them on while you're in the stall... change them before leaving the rest room ... this is in case someone should look under the door to see WHO is making all that noise in there This way when they are talking about someone in the PINK shoes and you exit wearing BLACK they'll know it wasn't you!!!!! Sneaky Eh Sugarplum??????

kathy you are something else , so funny... you had me in tears reading this post! you missed your calling in life , you shoud of been a comedian on comedy central! Hugz mary keep the laughter comming, I look forward to a good laugh! God Bless mary

That is too funny! Especially the shoes and I happen to have about 3 pair at work...another good trick is to keep rattling the toilet paper container like it is stuck. We have automatic toilet flushers and they are always going off so hitting it a few extra times is fine because no one will think it strange at all.

UUUMMMMMMMM..... cough. I know it ain't original but hey neither is farting! Gayle Queen of Yarn Balls

Kathy, how funny but you left one out... Be careful to know the difference between gas and liquid. It can probably be a real doozy. Bethany AKA Da Offishal Riddler and Bertha 11 Days into NewPouch and feeling great! -25 lbs!!!! Yayyyy A riddle a day will keep the Marchers pounds AWAY!

eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeew