My Mother?

Hi fellow Marchers, Have been lurking around and reading everyone post for the last few days. Just wanted to say Thank you I am over my depression I think it was just nerves before surgery. I need your opinion. My Mother is in a nursing home she is very sick she has congested heart faliure, diabetes and she is also manic depressive severly. she worries to the extreme and imagines all kind of things. well here goes I have lied to hurt about my surgery date I have told here it is the following Monday instead of this Monday the 15 do not want her to get upset. someone told here that it was this Monday and she called so emotional couldn't talk she kept telling me she don't want me to die and was going on and on about things she was thinking which were all negative thought.. so I calm her down and told her that my surgery was on the 22 and I was going to be fine nothing will go wrong. now please keep in mine my brother just had his surgery on the 27 of Jan and she was so stressed out she had to be put in the hospital. my question is am I protecting her or hurting her by not telling. I love her so much I just don't want her to get sick but I don't want to hurt her either.and yes my I am treating her like a child but my Mothers state of mine is not good she has been in an out of physic hospitals. well what do you guys think. I respect all of your opinions so much. Dawn

You are absolutely doing the right thing. I am in the same boat with my 89 year old mom. I told her AFTERWARD when I could do it in person and she could see I was OK. (Read my profile). I figured she would be angry but better that than in the hospital! But she actually said she was glad she didn't know. It's too bad she knows anything about it ahead of time. I avoided telling friends who MIGHT let it slip to her! Don't feel guilty--there comes a time when we have to be the parents to our dependent parents and do what is best for them. Joy

Thank Joy, That makes me feel so much better espically coming from you. I love reading your post. I am so glad to here you are doing so good you have inspired me in my journey. Thank you and keep me in your prayers.this Monday3-15 surgery is at 11 am.

Thanks for the kind words. Of course you will be in my prayers. Joy

You are doing the right thing, I havnt told my mom , and I dont plan on telling her till its all over,She would just make her self sick with worry... FOLLOW YOUR HEART ! HUGZ MARY

Thanks, Mary, will be great when I can share the joy with her. Good luck with your up coming surgery. trust me it will be here before you know it I did all the same things as you posted now since I am so close I just wi**** was over.

I really don't have the answers but feel very fortunate I have a 90 year old Mom who handled it very well BUT how would you like your MOM to ask: "so, when is the day you are being cut open???" LOL that is what she said to me yesterday.

not very sutle huh Sally I guess we all have different ways of handling thing like this.

Hi Dawn: As a psych nurse I would have advised you not to tell your mom anything about the surgery. There is nothing she can do about it..so what is the point. The less stress she has the better able she is to cope within the boundries of her illness. I have a 90 year old Mom. She is also a nurse. I haven't and won't tell her about this surgery. When my daughter told her that she was going to have it done, she called me and begged me to talk to my daughter and convince her not to do it. My mom told me that this was as bad as choosing to have her leg cut off. I was absolutley floored as my Mom was an OR nurse and worked with very famous doctors who did incredible brain surgery. But I realize that her age now puts limits on her and I don't think it's fair to worry her. Of course we all need support and we are all here to offer it to each other. Louise

Hi Louise, Thank you, I was not the one who told her at 1st I believe it was a coousin. but when she confronted me I told her a different date. quess it would have been better not to confirm it.