bad then good

At work today I started to get really frustrated with one of my co workers that knows about the surgery. It seems that every day - no, correct that - everytime I see her, she looks at me, smiles, and says "Where is Marla? She is disappearing". The first few times it was nice, but it's starting to wear thin real fast. Especially since I haven't really moved that much in the past few days. Well, I just gave her a smile (gritted teeth) and continued on my way. Maybe I shouldn't feel that way, as she is complementing me in her own way. It's just that it's starting to make me feel uncomfortable, especially when others are around. Later in the day I had to run something by my bosses boss, and after she answered my question, she commented that I am looking really good. "Not only has your face slimmed out, but you look so much happier. You smile alot more now" Well, that helped me forget the other woman's "badgering" mgm -42 (stuck again)

Marla, I think you're handling things really well. Isn't it ironic that people feel they have a right to our personal business as we lose our weight post-surgery, just like they felt they had the right to out personal business as severely obese people? Just keep smiling, kiddo. And if it really gets to you, take her aside and ask her to stop commenting. Let her know that this will be a long process for you and, although you appreciate her good thoughts, let her know that you need to be left alone with what you are attempting to do with your life...just like anyone else, no matter the goal. All the best, Maureen

It's funny how compliments don't seem like compliments sometimes. Sometimes they just reinforce how large we felt before, and it isn't a nice feeling. I haven't experienced this myself, actually quite the opposite. I've only had a couple of people comment on my loss, and they seemed genuinely impressed and happy for me. On the other hand, I recall many instances when my hubby was a recent post op and he was uncomfortable by all the comments he got. He didn't like it when people told him he was getting "skinny". He lost a very impressive amount of weight in a very short time (75 lbs. in his first 4 weeks, 200 lbs by six months out) but he was very large to begin with and it was very noticable. He was 654 lbs. in the beginning, and he is currently at 317 lbs. So I can understand why people would comment; they were amazed at the difference in him. I was by his side the whole time, and I was amazed. I still am. By the way, he is still losing after two and a half years, and he still gets compliments, but he has learned how to accept them.

Isnt it great to have people notice. And dont worry I am stuck again too. I dont remember hearing about all the stops before surgery. It gets a little annoying. But hey as long as I am losing. I feel wonderful so what can I do. Good luck to you. Hopefully this stop is a quick one. LaDonna -60lbs

Hi Marla! In all honesty, she probably wasn't trying to be annoying or irritating, just complimenting. However; it does become quite bothersome when people keep going on with these compliments and in front of others all the time. I feel the same way. Just remember, she isn't trying to put you down and she probably doesn't know it bothers you, since you don't say anything, so she continues to do it. Maybe you should tell her that it is embarrassing. Take care! Leah

Hi Marla, Just keep Smiling ...make them wonder what your thinking hunny and do like Sponge Bob, Soak it all up , Congrats to you, and stay healthy Hugz Mary

Well, I can understand your discomfort. CERTAINLY! But I would try to cut the co-worker some slack. It sounds like she is happy for you, and from reading other's profiles, there are certainly enough people out there who turn the other way and hate you because of it. I'd rather have someone annoying me than rueing me and plotting against me. Still, it can be overwhelming. Maybe just gently saying you feel a little uncomfortable with all that attention will get her to back off without offending her. ? Hope so! Dina

Marla, Ooo tough situation. I agree with Julia. Too many compliments start to remind us of the struggle we had prior to surgery and it tends to be a constant painful reminder at times. Of course she has no idea about that feeling and is just wanting to show you that she is excited for you. It IS funny how people can be so ready to become involved in something that personal after surgery. Next time she says that... smile at her and giggle to her and lean towards her and whisper "oh thank you ... stop you are embarrasing me!" in a joking way maybe she will get the hint??? I am lucky and my co-workers have been wonderful and paying compliments once in awhile. It feels nice once in awhile...but all the time...I can understand your frustration. You hang in there great things are happening!!! Elizabeth M -49lbs