I had a secret goal...

My goal was so secret I told no one, not even myself. My first wedding anniversary will be on May 24th and I was hoping to be down 40 pounds. As of this morning I am officially down 40.5! I fight with "I'M NOT LOSING!" and feelings of guilt and feelings of terror that 'this won't last' and it's an ugly cycle. Today I have decided to jump off of that hamster wheel and let somebody else run it for a while.... maybe Barbie! I am trying to change attitudes and feelings but these attitudes and feelings took many years to form so I know that they won't go away over night. So like 12 step says (with wls modifications): Just for today I will not obcess over what I cannot control! Love & Hugs, Gayle

Congratulations, Gayle. -40 is a milestone! Jen

Oh, Gayle, what a healthy, inspiring post, thank you! I have also tried to change my "stinking thinking" and am really concentrating on just doing the right things that make me feel better. So much success is totally dependent on how we think because our thinking is what propels us into action. Congratulations on your wonderful weight loss AND on your 1st wedding anniversary! I just did the silliest thing, although I've been married 17 years. I went out and bought a Teddy! You know, the "sexy" longerie, all black and lacy. I felt a little rediculous because I've NEVER done something like this before -- but I think when I decide to wear it, both Jim and I are going to be very happy about that....why don't you go out and buy yourself -- and your husband -- a Teddy! Maureen

Maureen, you sexy vixen you! Who knew that behind that angelic face there lurked a seductress? I'm just so proud of you today! Connie

Angelic? Boy, do I have you snowed!!! Seriously, what you see in that face is a terribly insecure woman who, because of life long and life threatening morbid obesity, does not want to do anything to bring further attention -- and redicule -- to herself. Hence, the lack of commited emotion you see in my face. I have a love/hate relationship with this photo, Connie. I hate the way I look, the fear and look of defeat in my eyes. But I love that it represents someone I used to be, someone I need to love and care for, and bring along with me on this wonderful journey. You bring up an interesting point, though. We all talk with each other as friends, sharing secrets and joys and sorrows, like friends do. But we don't really know anything ABOUT one another. I'd like to start a thread whereby we all share a little bit about each other, who we are, where we came from, what makes us tick, etc. Would you like to join me in facilitating??? Angelic??? Pooh. Maureen

Maureen, I just love your outlook! And what a wonderful idea; a new thread to share things about ourselves. Color me there. I know exactly what you mean about not liking the way you look. I cannot stand the way I look in pictures. It's completely different from what I see in the mirror. Isn't it funny what we see in the mirror. Sometimes when I see someone who is dressed really outrageously or has put on their makeup with a putty knife (only my opinion you understand), I wonder what they see when they look in the mirror. I wonder if anyone has a really accurate perception of their physical self. I know I don't. I always think I'm much smaller than I really am. I guess that's how I got to be 286 pounds. I still think you have a sweet face, but now I know therein lies the heart of a Tigress. Hugs, Connie

Gayle, That's tremendous. Aren't you proud of yourself? I'm proud of you! Hugs, Connie

Gayle, I wanted to say congrats on the 40lbs. You must be sooooo happy. I will say a prayer for you to stay positive & stay off that hamster wheel. Shannon The Irish Lassie 3/17/04 -40