are you having marital issues?
Go****here was never a post like this before I had surgery. I asked more than once whether the surgery caused a high rate of divorce and I was always told that if I had a good marriage it would probably just get better. It has! 
My mom had Gastric Bypass 13 years ago and her marriage of more than 23 years ended. She's always blamed it on the surgery. She also is an alcoholic...she rarely drank before having surgery. I believe she replaced her food addiction with alcohol addiction. I never have been worried about the alcohol part. I wasn't addicted to food, I just liked the way it tasted. It didn't make me feel better about anything, it just tasted good. But I was worried horribly about my marriage. I was and am very happily married. I've been very lucky. My husband is very supportive and proud of me and lets me know often. He's gone now...he's a marine in Iraq. I last saw him at the end of August.
I feel good about how I look and I wear clothes that show off my new figure. I'm not wearing clothes that show my belly or anything. I'm a good bit more confident now and love the attention I get from everyone...but I love my husband more than anything, and he loves me too. Those people were right in my case. The surgery has just made my marriage better.
Oh, and about the jealousy...my husband isn't jealous either. He's proud that I get extra attention. That's good for his ego. I don't get any attention that goes TOO FAR though. I'm glad I don't.
I think it's a really good idea to talk to him about all of this and tell him what you expected and how it made you feel when you didn't hear what you expected. He needs to let you know how he feels about you in some way. Tell him you don't know how he feels and you want him to tell you. Even go as far as telling him you're feeling a little insecure and really need him to talk to you about these things. Of course, this is what I would do which is not necessarily the "right or wrong" thing to do...it's just what I would do and I actually have done this before too. Especially during that time of the month, I'll do exactly this.
Hope I've helped a little.
Dena
My mom had Gastric Bypass 13 years ago and her marriage of more than 23 years ended. She's always blamed it on the surgery. She also is an alcoholic...she rarely drank before having surgery. I believe she replaced her food addiction with alcohol addiction. I never have been worried about the alcohol part. I wasn't addicted to food, I just liked the way it tasted. It didn't make me feel better about anything, it just tasted good. But I was worried horribly about my marriage. I was and am very happily married. I've been very lucky. My husband is very supportive and proud of me and lets me know often. He's gone now...he's a marine in Iraq. I last saw him at the end of August.
I feel good about how I look and I wear clothes that show off my new figure. I'm not wearing clothes that show my belly or anything. I'm a good bit more confident now and love the attention I get from everyone...but I love my husband more than anything, and he loves me too. Those people were right in my case. The surgery has just made my marriage better.
Oh, and about the jealousy...my husband isn't jealous either. He's proud that I get extra attention. That's good for his ego. I don't get any attention that goes TOO FAR though. I'm glad I don't.
I think it's a really good idea to talk to him about all of this and tell him what you expected and how it made you feel when you didn't hear what you expected. He needs to let you know how he feels about you in some way. Tell him you don't know how he feels and you want him to tell you. Even go as far as telling him you're feeling a little insecure and really need him to talk to you about these things. Of course, this is what I would do which is not necessarily the "right or wrong" thing to do...it's just what I would do and I actually have done this before too. Especially during that time of the month, I'll do exactly this.
Hope I've helped a little.
Dena 
Hypothetical here:
-->Say your husband goes out and buys himself all new clothes - nice ones, he looks a lot more sharp than he used to.
-->Say he goes out and gets a hair cut.
-->Lastly, Say he comes home and tells you about a woman at work that he's flirting with. She's all over him, really puts lots of effort into it.
How would you feel?
I'd be PISSED.
How would I react?
LIKE I DIDN'T CARE. Because a) it's looking like I'm chopped liver, and I'll be $#%@ed if I admit I'm hurt, and, b) if he's into flirting with coworkers, I don't want him anyway.
So now how does the situation look to you? Even with the most level-headed and secure spouse/partner, it's got to be a trying situation. He's $%@#$ed no matter what he does. Get childish, act jealous, try to "compete" with the guy at work? Take the high road, try to ignore it as a phase, and risk feeding into your insecurity?
It's not possible for flirting to happen in one direction. If you want to keep your marriage/relationship, try to resist the urge to flirt. It's hard because suddenly we feel attractive and want to flex our new powers... but I tell you what, if my man did it to me, just with the new clothes and haircut, I'd be pretty upset and threatened.
If you need validation from him that you're more attractive to him now than you used to be -- then come out and tell him that. Don't beat around the bush by flirting with coworkers and then telling him about it to provoke a response. You're setting yourself up for a negative response.
On the other hand, if you had this surgery so you'd be more attractive to others and land someone better, then try to exit gracefully.
Good luck to all of us dealing with this issue.
Jen
"-->Lastly, Say he comes home and tells you about a woman at work that he's flirting with. She's all over him, really puts lots of effort into it.
How would you feel?
I'd be PISSED."
JEN,
ME TOO! LOL
I did finally say to him ya know that made me feel like crap like it wasn't a big deal that all this stuff was happening.
He told me that he saw it as a ego builder for me and that he knows I wouldn't DO anything more than flirt, which is my general nature anyway and he knows this so he wasn't bothered.
OK...I said if it was you who came home and said all this I would NOT be so passive about it. He laughed and said OH I KNOW THAT, you would have DEFINITELY had a reaction! LOL
"It's not possible for flirting to happen in one direction. "
This is true!
I am extremely "playful" with everyone and since I new this guy was married I figured it was pretty safe to "play" DUMB attitude I KNOW but then again I wasn't expecting him to tell me to call him "if I didn't want to be married for a few hours" and then put his phone number into my hand as I stood there SHOCKED with mouth hanging OPEN!!!
I couldn't even respond.
I guess I figured out not to "play" with people I don't know!
"If you need validation from him that you're more attractive to him now than you used to be -- then come out and tell him that. Don't beat around the bush by flirting with coworkers and then telling him about it to provoke a response."
I did tell him this, the reason I told him about the other guy giving me his phone number was because I felt guilty and needed to fess up to some degree. Does that make sense??
It wasn't to provoke a response although the response I got did PROVOKE some deper thoughts about what was going on with my marriage ya know?
"On the other hand, if you had this surgery so you'd be more attractive to others and land someone better, then try to exit gracefully."
NAH being attractive to others was NOT even a consideration!
I will try to fight GRACEFULLY to keep my marriage going, how about that instead?
Nic
291/181/150
I've been thinking about this subject a lot lately and even though I posted before, I wanted to post again. I have 5 good friends who have had wls. Out of the 5, four of the marriages are in trouble. I was just talking to one of my friends this afternoon who says her husband is insanely jealous and insecure now. This was never the case before, even though she was thin when they got married. She says that part of the issue is that she's more confident and has no qualms about leaving him now if he doesn't get over his jealousy. This just compounds the problem and makes him more insecure and it's a vicious circle.
In one of the marriages, the husband is cheating, but his wife doesn't know it. He's not attracted to thin women and is seeking out fuller sized gals. He told me this in a drunken state. Great. I still haven't figured out what to do with that information. His wife thinks they have a great marriage.
Another husband is refusing to have sex with his wife because he's not attracted to her anymore. Doesn't like the saggy skin. She's not a happy camper.
Connie
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