Late Night Musings of an Insane Woman

I was at Wally World at about 11:00 tonight, picking up turkey and beef jerkey. Is it my imagination or are there more chunky people at Wally World than anywhere else on earth? Anyway, as I'm pushing my way through the aisles, it occurs to me, not for the first time, that I'm a little jealous of the rounded voluptuous girls. Now don't get me wrong, Miss Size 14 here is not exactly a blade of grass. It's just that I never minded being a curvy girl. It was mostly for my health that I had wls. I say that I didn't mind being a curvy girl, but I did mind being the very round big woman that I had become. I've always thought that women with a little meat on their bones and curves looked better than the typical model type. Having said that I'm jealous of the curvy girls, understand that I would rip the lungs out of anyone who tried to take back my surgery. Prior to Wally World, I went to see a play at the theater with some friends. (I know, theater and Walmart all in one night. What a bon vivant I am.) I think the play may have been good, but I'm not sure because I missed half of it marveling over the way I no longer flow out of my seat. I kept putting my hands between my hips and the arms of the seat to see how much room was there. I was sitting on the end of the row and when people went past me to get to their seats, I could just turn sideways to let them through instead of standing up and moving aside to let them through like before. One of the friends that went with me weighs around 400 pounds and I feel soooooo bad for her. She's my age (which I consider to be young, thank you very much) and it's a huge struggle for her to walk across a room or get up from her chair. At work she falls asleep in meetings and I know it must be because of sleep apnea. I don't feel like I can approach her about the surgery, but I always hope she will ask me. She knows I had wls because she was at my "last meal" with 20 of my friends. I'm having huge body distortion issues. I have no clue of how big or small I am. I'm continually surprised when I catch a glimpse of myself in a window or mirror. One minute I feel cute and tiny and the next minute I feel like I'm as big as a house. My sister and I used to play a game in stores where she would point out people the same size as me and I would point out people who were the same size as her. I'm going to have to go get her one of these days and drag her out to the stores. OK, I'm done. Connie

Connie: First off, let me say that none of your late night musings sounded all that insane to me (of course, no one ever looked to me as the model of sanity LOL). Your observations really hit home for me. As someone who has been a FAT GUY all of his life, I've noticed that there's many more big people than there ever were. When I was younger ( back when dinosaurs roamed the earth according to my kids), I was the exception. Now you can't go anywhere without seeing throngs of really huge people. This is not my new "WLS-Persona" speaking either as I was aware of this long before I even thought about WLS. As for the curves, I couldn't agree more. I've been trying to convince my wife for the last 23 years that a "Female Figure" is a good thing. She is by no means overweight, but she has curves and is in excellent physical condition. It's not really necessary to be a "stick figure with bumps" to be a beautiful female!!! In my experience, you girls are much more critical of "body issues" than the guys that admire you. Celebrate your good health and enjoy looking in the mirror. Finally we come to the "body distortion" issues......I'm right there with you Connie!! I'm forever amazed at how much room I have in chairs and on sofas etc. I no longer live in terror of the "Dreaded Booth" in diners!! I seem to automatically suck in my imagined gut when walking by tight places when there's lots of room to spare! I now seem to get lost in the driver's seat of my mid-sized pickup truck when it used to be tight. I don't feel like I need a shoehorn to get in and out of my daughter's Saturn. There are a few rather big guys at work. We frequently bounced "fat-guy jokes" back and forth in jest. I noticed that lately I get some funny looks when I join in. I guess that I'm being ejected from the club even though I have the heart and soul of a fat man and always will. I guess that I'll have to be really careful about this because the last thing I want to do is be offensive to large folks. I don't think I'll ever get acustomed to walking by the "Big and Tall" and buying clothes in a "Normal Store"!!! Another thing I've noticed is that the disparity in size between my laundry and my family's is not as striking. Just for the record, I'm wearing XL shirts and 42 waist pants so I'm hardly a little boy....but compared to my old 56 waist pants and 4x shirts, I'm probably wearing at least 10 pounds less clothing!! My 19 year old daughter's thighs are no longer smaller than my upper arms!! Well, I'm really rambling now, so I better shut up. Thank you Connie for bringing a lot of issues into focus for me!! Mike

To question #1: Yes, I do think more chunky people shop at Wally World. Why? Because Walmart is cheap. And the cheapest things you will find are carby things. A lot of poor people tend to be overweight as well. It's not because they are blowing all the money they do have on food, but it's because they (using generalities that obviously don't apply to all here) tend to shop on the cheap, and the cheapest things are carby and fatty. This being spoken from a girl who grew up not destitute, but pretty poor in general. Body issues: I don't think I will ever lament losing curves (I have had plenty to spare even at my lowest), but I have had some of the issues you mention where I find myself thinking I look thinner than I am, and fatter than I am. I also had a hard time getting rid of my favorite jeans that I shrunk out of 40 lbs ago. I thought I looked pretty good at that point. Oddly enough, at times I felt I looked better then than I do now. Who knows why... As for the ramblings: I'm so glad you are rambling because it helps me being able to relate and to get it out of my own head and put into perspective. Dina - who has FINALLY decided to give up the size 18's that were falling off her yesterday.