Firemen

Well, the firemen just left. After being gone all day, I came home to a house full of smoke, called 911, got the animals out and waited for the fire department to show up. Much to my embarrassment, it turned out to be a smoldering log in the fireplace. I thought it was put out last night before I went to bed, but I guess not. It smoldered all night and day. Funny that I didn't smell it this morning. Anyway, the firemen stood around talking to me for a long time afterwards. Much longer than I expected. They told me how beautiful my house was, patted me on the back, held my arm and reassured me that I had done the right thing by calling, asked me how long I had lived in the neighborhood, asked if I had done all the work on the house myself, did I have a husband or boyfriend to help with all the work I had done, told me what great taste I had and on and on. I'm not the kind of nervous person who needs reassurances like that and wasn't distraught or looking like I needed someone to comfort me. One of them kept following me around as I checked on the animals, making small talk with me. Two years ago when I weighed over 250 pounds, I got stuck on my roof. Long story, but it involved, dogs, a hose and a fallen ladder. It's actually a funny story, but the fire department had to come and rescue me. No one chit chatted with me, no one reassured me, no one was amused. They were pretty irritated and couldn't wait to get in the truck and drive away once my feet were on the ground. I had been stuck on the roof in 112 degree weather in July for almost 2 hours, but they didn't bother to see if I had sun stroke or was dehydrated. No one asked if I was OK. Last Christmas when my 90 year old grandmother was staying with me, she fell and I had to call the paramedics to come and help get her up and to the hospital. The fire department comes out with the paramedics. While the paramedics were with my grandmother and taking care of her (for a good 30 or 45 minutes), not a single fireman came over to talk to me or see what was going on or show concern. The guys today were from the same firehouse and I know one of them was one of the guys that was here for the roof incident. I can't help but think that if I still wore a size 26 instead of a 12, they would have been loaded up and down the road in a heart beat after figuring out that my house wasn't going to burn down. I'm a little irritated by this. Am I just being too sensitive? Connie

Connie - no. I don't think you are being to sensitive. You just made an astute observation. There is one thing that would make me take it with a grain of salt though...but it doesn't discount the annoying truth. But, I also realize that from my own perspective I see a lot of people in the course of my day - running errands and what-not. I try to be cordial and nice but I rarely take an interest in someone or give more of myself for strangers who hold no interest for me. My job (which is by phone and radio only) makes it so I can't respond differently to people based on their looks, but I can based on their personality. Every once in a blue moon someone may strike me. It doesn't mean that I have mistreated anyone before I met them, but it means I spend more time on that person than the next. This is not even a gender thing. I know there are some female troopers who I could yack all day with while others it's just strictly business. So it doesn't seem necessarily like as being an obese person we have always been mistreated (although sometimes as in the roof situation I would say that is definitely the case), but maybe we were just given the same consideration as the next guy and we were pretty much invisible. With the weight off, our beauty is more traditional and eye-catching. And pretty people get perks because people want the attention of someone they admire....for whatever purpose. Doesn't mean that it's right, but I think I can relate on a different level with different situations. Some people are insensitive jerks who couldn't be more obvious about such things. But some people are just trudging through getting their job done and not much is catching their attention for the moment. In some situations it's just a matter of the fact that we are just the next job that has to be done. In others it's that we are the object of someone's disdain. We are in a unique situation though in that we are able to see this perspective that most other people are not able to see. Dina

I understand what you are saying and sometimes wonder myself if I'm being treated differently now due to how I look. And I guess I am and just have to get used to it. Like the previous poster said - I just try to be concious of how I am treating other now to be sure I don't do the same. Just last night my husband and I were at the jewerly store to have his ring sized down due to his -141 weight loss. The man helping us is about the size of hubby prior to his surgery. He asked how we loss the weight and it started a great conversation regarding his interest and not knowing what to do to take care of it. I think that if we weren't sensitive to how we have been previously treated that we might not have been as open or given him the feeling that it was okay to ask and talk about this with us. We left the store, but with a new friend and 'left the door open' for him to talk with us anytime. All I can say is that I try to have fun with it now. Almost like seeing what I can get if I'm going to be treated differently in the positive manner. Salesmen, repairmen, etc - just playing for fun, as I am a happily married woman - thank goodness hubby can see the fun in this too. Not that I'm acting like a hoochie or anything - but just noticing te definite differences in that I'll get my questions answered now rather than put off. Enjoy the attention and know that you always have the control!

connie--i am glad all precious life of ur family is ok!! and yes, i know what u mean about being treated so much differently--much better.... it scares and upsets me too sometimes. it helps me think of those who still deal with all kinds of littlte life situations with that negative--or invisable attitude held toward them just cuz of weight. i was just there too, only 3mo ago when i was still obese. and i try to reach out or be more aware of those who just dont get the postive feedback that u and i are now learning to receive... i just posted after u on the topic posted by lady living in tel aviv---about fear while losing this weight... hope u can find it--a page or two back and check it out--we have some similiar experiences...hang in there,--and i look forward to u writting how u handle these new experiences with people who are changing how the relate to us as oppossed to before. it is a emotional bell ringer for me at this time too. lc

Hi there Happy Girl! I know what you mean. I definitely see a difference in how I am "seen" and treated. I wi**** didnt make a difference but it does now that we are thinner. Personally I treat everyone the same regardless of how they look. I base them on their personalities not their looks. There are so many shallow people in this world that it can be quite disturbing. I am also getting a little creeped out by some of the "extra" attention that I am getting. Some of the creapier men that make comments and such. Just not so much rude but uncomfortable hints and flirting. I am trying to get use to that but I dont think I ever will. I was never real comfortable handling people that flirt with me. Especially by men 2 or 3 times my age!!! I always tended to shy away from that. I appreciate the fact that I am looking good enough to have that back, but I just want to crawl under a rock when I get those uncomfortable comments. Its definitely going to take me time to get comfortable with things. Elizabeth M

Connie, As the wife of a firefighter I know that sometimes there are so many calls going on that time is everything. I am sure that your new look is very appealing to the guys that spend there nights sleeping next to another guy. I don't think that you are being to sensetive about this situation. However, let me ask you this...(just playing both sides / ) How many overweight people have you asked out lately? Made small talk with? Do you go out of your way to look for an overweight guy or do you notice that guy that looks to good in that white t-shirt and nice jeans that worksout and carrys himself nicely. Are you making time for the overweight people at your workplace, neighborhood, or the store? As hurtful as it is we are all to aware of the fact that we have been ignored, overlooked, and even descriminated against due to our weight. There are so many people that aren't brave enough or don't have the means to do what we have done. This tool has saved our lives in more ways than one. I too get a lot more attention from people in the fire dept. that never even knew that I was alive before. It was extremely upsetting at first, However, this is what I wanted. To fit in conversations and to be a part of the crowd. We couldn't change people and the way that that think when we were heavy, but we can change how we treat other people that are still in that situation. I am not going to shun away the new attention I am getting now nor let it upset me anymore. It is by the way one of the things that I have always wanted in my heavy life. Now that I have it I feel double blessed. I was not trying to raise a stink or anything just wondering. Shannon The Irish Lassie 266/163/-103.5

Hi Shannon, I didn't think that you were trying to raise a stink and you've brought up some very good points. I'm not upset at firefighters in particular, the incident just brought home to me how much discrimination there is. I don't even think it's intentional discrimination. I have to say that I have not intentionally made time for any overweight people. I don't make time for anyone based on height, weight, color, etc. I just make time for people. The last two guys I dated were both on the edge of morbid obesity. Ironically, I used to date a firefighter who thought I was too thin at 235 pounds. Of course he was 6'8" and weighed 280 and thought everyone was too small. I want to give kudos to your husband and all the other firefighters. As I was standing in my driveway, watching them run into my house, I was very grateful for their unselfish willingness to put their lives on the line for others. So, our fair Irish Lassie, when are we going to see a new picture of you? Connie