How Attractive is This?

Now, Michael, you know better than to be eating your breakfast while hard at work at the computer...serves you right! You are supposed to be one with your food...oooohhhhhhhmmmmmmmmm. Maureen

You're absolutely right Maureen, I shouldn't be eating at the computer and got what I deserved. Oh well...... You must agree, however, that Connie missed her calling....She should be doing stand-up comedy! Mike

So Mike.... Here's the sort of stuff that I normally run through the mental filter before posting. Normally I wouldn't have posted this, but you asked for it. Or maybe you didn't... Pre-surgery, I suffered from some evil colon issues. Ever since I had my gall bladder removed 10 years ago, I've had dumping issues. The dumping that comes with wls is very much like the dumping I had, but it could have been anything and everything that triggered it before. At least now it's just triggered by sugar and fats and I can control it. I also had irritible bowel syndrome and was hospitalized several times. I remember one festive occasion when I had already been hospitalized for 5 days and was on my way down for yet another MRI on the 6th day. The poor guys that were wheeling me down had to stop on almost every floor for me to jump off the gurney and run into a bathroom. The nurse was threatening to diaper me and I was threatening to crap in her coffee cup if she tried it. Anyway, on one of the bathroom stops, I was especially gassy. If I had thought of it, I probably could have played "Smoke on the Water." Anyway, when I came out of the bathroom, the two guys were standing there about to lose it, but doing their best to keep straight faces and look professional. I looked at them and said, "Oh for God's sake, laugh already. It's funny." I thought they were going to roll on the floor. Anyway, that was life before surgery. Now my colon seems to behave for about a week at a time. In fact, I go a whole week without any quality bathroom time. At about the 6th or 7th day, I can pretty much count on not getting much done and wearing a path back and forth to the porcelain. Those are my crap days. The amazing part is that I don't lose any weight on those days, even after spending the whole day in the bathroom. I don't get it. So now that I've set the stage... (and aren't you glad I did?) Last night I came home to a geyser in the front yard. Well, not exactly a geyser since the water was freezing. I learned this while trying to shut off the main water line to the house. The water pipe was blown and I was drenched at the end. Guess what today is.... Yep, Crap Day. I can't flush. I have been in and out of the local McDonald's at least three times. Gone to the grocery store at least twice and hit the bar down the street once. There's a Taco Bell and KFC that I'm saving for later. The plumber is in the yard digging and I'm sure he thinks I'm delivering drugs as many times as I've left and come back 15 or 20 minutes later. Speaking of the plumber - what the hell is it with the plumber's crack? Do they not make pants that fit up over these guys' butts? Is there a union regulation? I don't get it. So this is the sort of thing that gets stopped by the filter. Well, actually, much of what is stopped is much worse. I'm pretty good about stopping most derogatory comments and general crankiness. I've managed to keep most of my smut comments off the board and can usually step away from the keyboard before I insult people. I do have boob questions coming up though and feel another post coming on. Connie

Yes Connie, I actually did request the "unfiltered" material. I've always loved "stream of consciousness".... especially from someone who manages to be as conscious as you are LOL. My dear mom always gave me a hard time about my "Bathroom Humor", so this stuff is right up my alley! I really feel your pain with the plumbing situation. My house previous to the one I live in now was located so that its plumbing was below the level of the sewer line in the street. As a result, we had a sewer pump in the basement to pump the sewage to the street level. When the sewer pump crapped out, (pun intended) which it did frequently, we couldn't flush or use any drains or the results would end up on the basement floor. Since it was an electric pump in a tank, plumbers wouldn't touch it saying that it was an electrician's job. Electricians hated to sully their dainty hands on such a nasty job. Therefore guess who became and unwilling expert on sewer pumps??!! It will be a very cold day in hell before I willingly live in a house with a sewer pump again!! As for the "Plumber's Crack", I believe that you need to display a proper crack to get your license. Which reminds me of a story from my own job. A co- worker was displaying a marvelous example of plumber's crack one day while bent over a piece of signal aparatus on a railroad drawbridge on our territory. He was turning what should have been a simple job into a major project by being overly fussy about some petty detail. I had a handful of small copper washers and proceeded to relieve my boredom by tossing them down the plumber's crack! The poor guy was either so intent on his work or so numb that he didn't realize what was happening! Another co-worker who was watching the show was doing all he could not to choke. You know the deal....Idle mind....Devil's playground etc. etc.. I often wondered what the poor lad thought the next time he lowered his pants and found the hardware store??!! Anyway.... the bottom line in all of this is that you're a funny lady and I enjoy your way of looking at life and from what I see, I'm not the only one who feels this way. I agree that we are not here to offend or insult anyone, but a little "Bathroom Humor" is OK!! I'll have to leave the response to your "boob questions" to others as I'm not qualified on the subject and I've already babbled on about my "Man Boob" issues in a previous post. On a serious note, I'm sorry that you're dealing with troublesome innards and home plumbing and hope that all is resolved soon. Mike

Poor Connie- you have to worst luck! Nothing worse than a rashy hairy ass!-- sorry... couldnt resist Did u ever consider those bands that women wear when thier pregnant to pull up your panni? Maybe that with a thong will help the girdle-titis (get a little air on those cheeks!) I use one once in a while and line it with an old soft cut up Tshirt to keep the elastic from sitting directly on my skin. Feel better Janine

Connie, I am sorry we are all laughing at your plight. I almost lost all the fruit I was eating as dessert I did have to explain to my co-workers why I was sitting here snickering. I think this surely needs to be docmented as a medically necearry reason for a tt.

south pacific comes to mind--i think--"i feel pretty...oh so pretty".... connie- the rest have all said it well- my thoughts were also to documentation..... oh gosh.....now i must go try to do something with these mascara globs under my eyes!!!!!