Fat Cow Of The Group:-(

Now that I have your attention Ok heres the deal............................the day of my surgery I weighed 353 lbs.....not even my heaviest...........I cannot believe that I am writing this((( It is very painful to admit my weight,even now. I now weigh around 200-205 and I cant break the 200 lb mark!!!!!!!! It has me soooooooooooo down(((( It has been forever that I have been at this weight without losing anymore. I am so ASHAMED!!!!! I read all of your posts and you all weigh close to your goal weight. I am so happy for all of you. You that have had plastics, I am so happy for you. I am stuck in a size 16-18 (was in a 32 and that was snug) and I have so much skin that I still cant even wear what I want to. Plastics are a ways off for me because it will be self pay. I guess I am just curious as to your weights and sizes. I know that we all have different body types. Guess I am just looking for some reassurance. Maybe once the weather is nicer I will feel better and more energetic. You are all my heros Julie

julie- when was your surgery? gf--go to your profile and tell us something--anything---it's not easy addressing these issues but sometimes journalling helps- then progress can be seen.... i find it very discouraging to compare sizes- there are so many factors- genetics and height and age and and and my daughter asked me tonite via phone what size i am wearing cuz she has some clothes for me- well- first it's hard to wrap my head around wearing my daughter's clothes- she should be smaller than me! second- i told her it depends on what it is and who makes it and the style- some things i still wear an XL and others i can wear a medium! go figure!i am 5'1" so many things don't look right on me anyhow!!!!!and then there is the age thing- i am 52 so something that is short and perky would look odd on me...... i do find myself comparing me to others and it takes alot to remember that i am not them and they are not me....and at what cost have they done what they have....do (did)they have any other underlying med probs? have they incurred other probs during the wl process? i have been blessed and have not ---do they have unlimited resources in re exercise equipment or access to a gym...etc etc myself- i put back on almost 30 pounds when my dh was sick last summer- i have finally gotten rid of 5 of those and am trying to get a few others to leave!!!!( actually about 58 of em!!!!) but i still have a long way to goal...and it's almost two years! sorry-rambling---

Margo, Thanks for the reply I appreciate it!!! I know that I am very blessed and need to remember that. Hugs! Julie

Okay - I'm going to start out with some tough love, and then we'll move on. NEVER EVER EVER EVER COME IN HERE AND REFER TO YOURSELF AS A FAT COW. EVER!!! By doing that you continue to perpetuate the negative self-talk that has been going around in your head for years. Give it up. You aren't a fat cow anymore. If you are, then I am, and frankly, I do not see myself that way. I started out at 325 and currently bounce between 189-194. I am trying to get another 20 off but I would love to make my original goal of 150. It's all work from here on out. I'm 5'7", by the way. My all time high was 338. Your all time high? Not sure, but going into surgery you had almost 30 pounds on me. Now you say you have skin, and no doubt you do. If you were heavier than your starting weight and are 200-205 right now, you can pretty much assume you are at least 10 if not 20 lbs lighter minus the skin. No, that doesn't do much when you look at the scale or have to tuck your skin in, but it's reality. I suggest you take a look at before and after pictures and compare them on a daily basis until you can appreciate where you are right now. Don't compare to others here who made it to their goals. Compare it to yourself. There are going to be some of us who will not get down to the tiny things others here have gotten to. That's okay. There was a time before I lost all my weight that I thought I would give my eye teeth to just not have to shop in the plus size department anymore. I have to remind myself of that when I let that negative self-talk come in. I have a friend who is only about 30 lbs heavier than me right now and she looks at me like as if my figure is the goal she wants to achieve. She is so focused on that that she doesn't realize that when she gets to my size, she is going to want to move down to the next level. It's natural. So appreciate what you have - appreciate that you have lost 150 lbs - that's a whole person! Then work on finding a way to pay for your plastics and concentrate on that and not on how much more you want to lose. I myself have a hard time losing right now too, but as I put on another thread, I'm waiting until spring/summer to worry about it because those are the times it's easier for me to focus on dieting and losing weight. Until then, it's just me here maintaining and not worrying. If I lose more earlier, great, but I won't stress over it. Try to do the same. It's nothing to be ashamed about. Don't you dare take this wonderful accomplishment and make it into something you feel shame over. You have nothing to be ashamed of.... Dina

Dina, Thanks for the tough love I needed it!!!! I have no excuse other then feeling sorry for myself....shame on me. I am feeling much better. You are right on everything that you said Thanks again!!! Hugs! Julie

Darling Julie -- my heart aches for you because I know the depths to which you are dwelling in self-inflicted defeat. The beauty of anything that is self-inflicted is that you have the power to turn that around. Change of behavior starts with new thinking. Which starts with you. You are only in competition with yourself, Julie, no one else. Just for today, take a look at a few things. If you are low on energy, take stock -- are you taking your vitamins...CRITICAL to self-care post-WLS; does your multiple vitamin carry enough iron and, if not, might you need a separate iron supplement? Are you eating enough high quality protein food sources? Are you having regular bowel movements or do you find yourself constipated a lot of the time? Are you drinking at least 64 oz. of pure water a day? Just take stock with this one issue first. If you are low on energy, it is extremely difficult to want to take good care of yourself! And, just for today, if could harness the amount of time and energy it takes to think so badly of yourself (there are NO fat cows in this group, only larger-than-life hearts and souls...) and turn that into positive energy directed toward one single behavioral change that will manifest in higher energy, you will have moved a mountain! Keep posting, keep trying, you are not alone. But you MUST help yourself and you MUST believe first and foremost that you are deserving of all good and wonderful things in life. Take care, sweetie. Maureen

Maureen, What a sweet loving person you are, it shines right through in your posts Every now and then I need a kick in the butt to remind me how lucky I am. I know what I have to do,it is just a matter of doing it. Sometimes I feel like I am my own worst enemy. I know I am for sure my own worst critic as I am sure we all are. I really need to work on that. I am sad to admit that I am not drinking my 64 oz of pure water a day. I do drink a lot, but as of today the water is first then the tea and diet soda. Thanks again......................... Hugs! Julie

Julie my Friend, You are not a Fat Cow, I was 365 and I had my surgery a day after you did. I was at 205 and now betwwen 215 - 220 depending on the day. So let's not even go there, I no how you feel, I feel that wasy at time too, but, believe me I started moving today & upstairs apartment I could not have done the 30 some trips up those stairs at 365 pounds So even though I want to be around the 150's I am still so much better off than I was. Yes, it upsets me on some days, but for the most part I no when i get my life back in control & will start losing again. I believe it has to be something about the bigger you were in the beginning the harder is to get below that 200 pounds. We can do this & I no my doc says it gets harder after the first year, well dah! no kidding. it is harder, but don't kick yourself, you have done really well & together we can win this battle that is why we all keep sticking together. LOL Marilyn, the bearlady

Marilyn, Thanks so much for the reply. Your encouragement is really appreciated!!! I am very happy for you with your new place Hugs!!! Julie