TABOO SUBJECT

I'm guilty of hiding myself in the shadows of this board. I'm not doing well with the weight. I'm gaining faster than I care to admit. The past couple of months, I've been insaitably thirsty, hungry - even 1/2 an hour after a meal, I've been peeing the last week every 45 minutes or so. I'm wondering if I might be seeing the symptoms of Type 2 diabetes?? It runs in my family and I'm still in that terrible place of "MO". I can't even type out the words anymore. I beat up on myself on a daily basis - usually when I've just scarfed down a bagel and cream cheese or something chocolaty. I've just started a full time job, so I'm not working at Starbucks as much, therefore not "sampling" those damn cupcakes every 5 minutes or drinking Iced Venti Nonfat Upside Down Caramel Machiatos. Know what makes those soooo good? Caramel!! Anyway, I feel that I need to go get some blood work done to see what is going on with me. I'm scared to know, but ignorance is not bliss when it comes to your health, huh? As for Jillian - you must be a cool mom for her to have confided in you about her relationship. I had a very strict upbringing - usually didn't do a whole lot with kids from my school. I was "forced" into getting involved with my church youth group whi*****luded kids from other schools in the area. Kids will be kids. You would BLUSH at the stories I could tell you regarding things that went on in the back of the church bus, lock-ins, trips, church camp (One time, at church camp....). Sorry....my point is this - you won't be able to stop her from doing the deed. My mom and dad couldn't do it. I was lucky and my first boyfriends' mom took me to the gynocologist and got me on birth control pills. My mom eventually found out and there was hell to pay, but I think if I asked her today what she thought of it, she would probably say that it was the best thing I could have ever done (since I was going to do the deed anyway!). Might I suggest the Depo-Provera shot? At least make sure the doctor informs Jillian (and you) about it. I swear I'm going to get this for my daughters when it's time. They are given a shot that will prevent pregnancy for 3 months or so - they will get 4 shots each year. It also (in my case) brought my libido to a grinding (pun intended) halt. So, I figure that I'll still teach about condoms and all the STDs that are running rampant out there, but to prevent pregancy, Depo is the way to go. Just my opinion... As for college....buy some lottery tickets? I'm going to be facing the same issues in 8 years. And, I'm about to be a single mom, so I don't know how I'll ever be able to save any money. Thanks for listening to me rant. Hugs to everyone! -W-

Wendy, you are one hell of a gutsy woman to have posted this. And you have been going through so much, it makes perfect sense that food is the logical source to find comfort. Having said that, please, please, please get to your doctor and get your blood work done. I don't care if we're 6 days or 6 years out of this surgery, health must be the utmost concern. Our systems are turned inside-out and upside-down and there is very little room for negotiating the must-dos of our continued health. I expect to see another post from you very soon with an update on how things go for you at the doctors and with your bloodwork. Thanks for the advice and for sharing your insight on those teenage years; I must have been an alien from another planet, having sex while in high school simply was not on my radar. Of course, they weren't lining up at my doorstep either...take care, take good care, Wendy. Stay close. Maureen

Ok, I have jumped in here late, and you have received some wonderful advise. As my oldest daughter is all of 11, and to this point wonderfully not interested in boys, I have a few years to not worry. But not too many as things are very different now. First, the fact that your daughter feels like she can come to you is wonderful. I speaks volumes of your relationship. I do think a trip to the Dr. will help her understand all of the ramifications. And since she came to you, I think you are able to discuss with her all of the mental issues and how moving to the next level will forever change who she is and her relationship with her now boyfriend. What I see on the streets are girls who are not confident in who they are and throw sex out there as a way to make themselves feel better for awhile. But all one has to do is watch some of TV, and the fact that your daughter has waited this long is a good sign. I do believe you can get her protection while still indicating that you do not condone the activity. Eating, or wonderful eating. I think you are right. We have people that have stalled, regressed and feel ashamed so they lurk and don't post. I'm far from perfect and have tempted the "dark side" on some things and eat things on occasion I shouldn't. I do think the key is to lighten up on yourself. Don't let a short term breakdown make you feel as if you have failed. Do be defined by food. Realize your mistake, make a change and start back again to who you really are now. You'll be fine. I hope late is better then never. I'll be thinking of you. And I have heard that nobody in Walla Walla has sex until they are 21. LOL

Ah, Ken, I love this post! I laughed so hard with that last line, people came to my office to see what they were missing! Seriously, I am trying to renegotiate this parenting thing...had no idea it would take such a curve and I need to adapt, be more flexible. Jillian is very nearly a grown woman even though she will always be my baby girl. I can't believe how different things are between us now and I'm sad and mourning the loss of how it used to be...still I know she loves me very much and we will find our way back to each other, provided we both live through these turbulent times. Now I get to look forward to my son hurling headlong into adolescence -- he's 12 and already taller and heavier than me -- did I really just say that? The heavier part??? You are a very special man, Ken -- and a good friend to us all. Thanks. Maureen

I, too, am the mother of a teenage daughter, age 17, and graduating from high school this year. I feel, all in all, you need to be commended. First of all, your daughter came to YOU to say she needed gynocological help. That is a big step. Of course, we don't want them to have sex at this point in time. But...I hate to say it....they're going to do it anyway if they have the feelings. You could have a talk with her about it, tell her about waiting...the whole bit...but in a friendly way. Plant the seed in her brain a little. My daughter is leaving for college this year too. I'm a single mother, and it's not easy for me financially. First thing first, go online and fill out the FAFSA form to see how much the government is going to expect you to pay. Grants, loans and scholarships are out there, you have to go find them. It's doable. My ex husband has custodial rights for my son, and he's a teacher making a decent salary. My son's tuition is about $40,000/year. After FAFSA, loans, scholarships, grants and work study, we are only responsible for about $5000 of it. The people who are in deep doo doo are the ones who boasted about their children's "college funds" that they started when they were babies. They saved some, but it's rather difficult when raising a family to stash away over $100,000 in a college fund. The guidance counselors at school can help you with all the applications you need for financial aid. Yes, it's tough being the mother of a teenager. Emotionally draining. My daughter is a drama queen...literally. She's in rehersals now for 2 different plays, and is stressing over everything. She's been accepted to 3 out of the 4 colleges she applied to, and every day it's a different school...meanwhile the clock is ticking and she has to make her decision within weeks. It's been nuts. I hope this info helps you somewhat....good luck... Love, Joanie

I too feel as though you have already had some really great advice. I too have a daughter that just turned 18 in Dec. I am not sure what happened in the time that she turned 18 and today but I surely missed something. She has moved in with her brother and is really trying to live that "wonderful adult life". I would say this be glad that your daughter is talking to you about things they are only thinking about right now. I ended up against my will taking my daughter to the gyno. feeling as though I was only condoning this behavior. I found out that she was having sex after the fact and then felt like I had failed as a mother in guiding her in the right direction. This guy she is dating is a really respectful guy as far as I can see. However, she is still my lil gurl and I will have to spend a lot of time getting over the night I sat in my kitchen talking to her while she told me that she had already had sex. I was floored and didn't know how to feel or what to say. The only thing I could do was protect her from any furture problems that could arise. We started having problems when I got to the point that I was wearing a smaller size than she was. She then started to pull away and if I tried to talk to her about it she would only tell me that I didn't know how she was feeling and that I could not understand. As much as I tried to tell her that I understood more than she knew it was falling on deaf ears. I work hard everyday to try to repair the damage that having this surgery has done to our relationship to no avail. I am not sorry that I had this surgery just sorry that I was not better equipt to deal with the fallout of having a teen-age daughter that was a lil heavy. I have said all of this to say if your daughter is talking to you about what is going on with her and the new guy...as hard as it is for you be glad that you have the relationship with her that you do. Count your blessings that you can still help her with your knowledge and wisdome even though it is not knowledge that you want to share with her at this time. As for College, while online check out those grants!!! They are everywhere just got to search them out. Also look for finanical aid packets at which ever college she is looking at. It is expensive but we are sending VaLorie to Southwestern in the fall and only looking at about 8000.00 a year...yeah right, she will really stick to the buget. Right...right? I can help ya much on the eating thing. I am having a hard time right now with stopping my weight loss. I am never hungry and I don't seem to eat enough according to Dr. Davis. I am eating 6 times a day but can still only hold about 8-10 ozs. not sure how to get on track myself. I am at 123 right now because I gained 3lbs. I would like to weigh about 150 though. Well pray for me and I will pray for you. Take care and Godspeed, Shannon The Irish Lassie 3/17/04 266/123/150

Shannon, it's so good to hear from you! And I really feel your pain with regard to your daughter; we are trying to creep and crawl our way through this - of course, Jillian views her life as her own and when she's home with us (she spends 3 days a week in the town where her high school is situated - a long story), she views it as a prison sentence. Makes me very sad. We used to be so, so close...anyway, thanks for this very genuine post and I'm very grateful that you took the time to respond. As for your weight, boy, 123 seems awfully low and I hope you are watching your health very carefully. How is your blood work? Are you taking your vitamins daily, and what about exercise? How do you feel overall? Please stay in touch and know that we are here for you, as you have been for us -- and most recently, for me. Take care, Maureen