Here are my most recent revelations: 1. That it does not matter who wants to go out to lunch or for drinks after work...I can say NO...I've come to learn that when in those situations I have no self control. Immediately following surgery I thought I could go and not eat or drink and just be present for the social aspect but as time passes, I can eat, I can drink and boy do I. So in order to achieve what I've set out to do I need to stop being the life of the party, always available and just do the right thing. Seriously, I am doing social things about 3 times per week...way too much! 2. I've come to learn that I eat mostly out of boredom or just cause my mind tells me based on the clock (not hunger) that it's time to eat. Or I eat something cause I think I may not get my regular scheduled meal...silly. I was never one to miss a meal no matter what...I was sitting at my desk today having a discussion with myself. I was bored and thought what can I munch on and I verbally had to tell myself no. 3. That I need to make exercise a priority. Albeit I currently work with a trainer 3xper week and I have rarely missed an appt. in the last 11 months BUT it ends next month and I am TERRIFIED. I can't afford to continue and I splurged with the 1 year of training to begin with. I need to make myself pay attention to the routine and try to incorporate it at the gym myself. Currently, I just do what they tell me. I have failed so many times trying to do it alone that I have a lot of worry about this. 4. That I have a new obsession...it's numbers. The number on the scale, the number of calories, fat, carbs & protein, the number of calories I burn during a workout, the number of "calories in versus calories out"- which personally I don't believe in anymore! 5. That I am probably more confused about my body now than before. I don't like that it seems that these last 10lbs will take FOREVER. I don't like that it seems that all my fat/excess skin is shifting to my middle. I think I have more body issues now than when I was heavy. At least then I was "fluffy and filled out" instead of this...I don't know what to do, increase my calories, decrease my carbs, how much fat & carbs are we suppose to eat. What I have realized is that it's not just how much you eat, it's what your calories are composed of. In the past I have basically eaten what I wanted as long as it stayed within the 1200-1500 range but now I believe if it's crap it's not gonna lead to weight loss. Andi, I am so very happy that you are being successful in your journey both with taking control of your eating as well as the struggles in your life. I truly look forward to your posts. Keep up the good work and thank you for keeping us all smiling. Trish

It really depends on what your current weight is, how tall you are, how much is your body fat percentage, and most importantly how much exercise you do. I'm 5'6", 163 pounds, less than 20% body fat, and my activity level is very high. I had my resting metabolic rate set at 1800 calories which means that is how much I need in order just to maintain and that is with NO exercise. Since I exercise heavily, I am supposed to get in 2200-2400 calories a day to maintain. But, this is for ME because my body fat percentage is low, it means I burn more calories. If you aren't as active, you burn less calories so you need less food. I hope that makes sense!!! Deanna

Good for you Karen - on all counts. Let us know how it goes on each step of the way re the children. My prayers are with you. I've started having porridge for breakfast now that it has gotton colder in the mornings and have found that keeps me full and away from snacking

Well, I had it out with her and told her something has to be done.I told her I was getting a lawyer and she told me she was going to come after me with both barrels loaded! I ask her what that meant and she said to take it anyway I wanted but that it was a promise not a threat! Not that I am afraid of her,but I will be sure to tell the lawyer this!! So her mom kicked her out of her one bedroom apartment and the salvation army is putting her and the kids up until they can find her a place! She wants me to hold off on the lawyer and I told her I wouldn't that it has been going on for way too long!! I can't even enroll the kids in day care without some sort of permission from her! So for now she has them......so I can work I really don't think we would be able to get a court appointed lawyer with the money me and my husband make,sure would be nice though,I know this is going to be costly. I still have problems with drinking just plain old water,so I drinlk it with crystal light! Wow thats a bummer about the bagel!! it really does help in the mornings...will have to look for another option...thasnks!! Also thanks for the prayers and thoughts..I need allot of them right now! I am close to 58 years old and it is hard thinking about even doing this!! I raised my kids,my youngest one is 31 years old!!!!boy........

Good morning all.. well I have been running a ground on my eating lately. I know I should eat more but hey... enough is enough.. the scale went up to 126 yesterday night so I have got to get it undercontrol before it gets crazy.. so it is back to basics today. This whole week has been very busy at work. I am working on transfering videos to dvd's cause they are easier to carry around to work with the parents of the consumers I help. I am almost done with that.. but it is time consuming and I have to sit through each video... zzzzzzzzzzzz.... I am starting to get back into exercise but I am taking it very slowly. My legs are finally feeling better.. not a hundred precent but better so I am gonna see what happens when I exercise. I dont have a lot going on except the crazy busy days I've been having.. Hope you all are having a great day. Carla