self esteem issues

I will try to make this brief, but I am having issues with being able to accept compliments, I still cover up my body. I went to TOPS on friday and they wanted me to take my jacket off so they could get a good picture but then they were all yelling "take it off, take it off" I wanted to run and hide in hole I ask them to please stop. They have not seen me with tight clothes on yet. So when I took it off they were like WOW!!! I had won first place for our district for the gastric bypass category ( I have lost 70 lbs) . I was sexually abused by my father when I was child and so I can't get passed that now that I have lost weight. I have been in therapy for it before I had the surgery and thought ok now its time for me to deal with my weight issues so I thought whohoo I am ready to move on with my life. But now after friday I found out I am not ready and not sure how to move on to myself and deal with people looking at me in that "sexy" way which I don't feel!!! HELPPPP!!!! any advice would be appreciated!!

Michelle, You've lost your shell, or armour...you feel emotionally naked right now and I think for the most part that's normal for someone who's used fat to hide their emotional scars. Maybe you can go back to your therapist for a few sessions and revisit the "issues" that have come up...or review material that you may have on sexual abuse, etc? My surgeon and my psychiatrist told me both before and after the surgery that a lot of emotional "stuff/crap" may come up after having used weight as my own shield for protection. And I can assure you, it has. You'd think I'd be running around with tons of energy yelling YIPPEE, I'm thinner again, but instead, I'm exhausted and have zero energy and want to sleep all of the time. Yes, I'm thankful for being healthier and thinner, but it has not solved any of my "head/emotional" issues. I have to seek out a therapist soon, I don't want to miss out on the spring and summer months in bed. Hang in there and write me if you need to. paula

Even though I don't have sexual abuse issues from childhood, I can still relate to this. Yes, your fat "armour" is gone, so true, and so the issues of being a woman and sexually attractive to men really do rise up and hit you in the face. I can relate to this. What I learned from a former best friend of mine is something she did all the time. Even though she had poor self-esteem issues (related to abandonment issues from her father), she ALWAYS simply smiled and said "thank you" when a compliment was given to her. She was a beautiful person, inside and out, but she didnt' believe it. Still, she knew the compliments she was getting had no alterior motives, they were genuine, and she chose to acknowledge the genuineness of others isntead of dismissing them (which just made THEM feel bad and awkward). My rule of thumb, just smile, and say a very calm, mild "thank you" and move on to a different topic. Eventually, you get used to the compliments and responding and it becomes less of a deal. That is what I do. Even if you feel fake doing it, eventually, interestingly enough, you come to believe it and your self-worth rises. I really believe in this approach. Just my two cents -- good luck, and my heart goes out to you. amy