One year ago today.....
I actually wrote this last night before I went to bed, but I wasn't able to get online to post it!!
Wow. Has it been a year already? This time (11:00 PM EST) almost a year ago I was trying to lay down for a couple of hours of sleep before my surgery. I was so nervous!! I woke at 4:00 a.m. We had to be at the hospital at 5:30 a.m. and my surgery was scheduled for 7:30 a.m.
On that day I was 37 years old, 5' 3" tall, 251lb - uncomfortably in size 24/26, BMI of 48, married, mother to 2, and grandmother to Princess Raven.
My husband, Bill, of 20 years adored me - he just wanted me "alive"...
My son, Daniel, loved me and was already grieving knowing he would not be hugging his "fluffy" mom for much longer...he felt I was perfect just the way I was.
My daughter, Rachel, loved me and supported me, but only knew an obese mom all her 16 years- and she was so afraid something bad was going to happen to me during surgery.
My parents wanted to support me but they were a nervous wreck. My mom's sister had her stomach stapled years ago and to this day, still has problems! My mom was convinced that my life was going to be the same as her sister's!
My friends & family (the few that knew about the surgery) and Dr. Andres, my family MD, were so supportive and as excited about the surgery as I was.
I chose the surgery because I truly believed it was my last, best shot at living an active life. I chose the surgery because I HOPED and PRAYED my outside would, for the first time, in many years, would begin to reflect the "me" that had been so longing to show up - but had been so well hidden within for so long. I promised myself that I would follow aftercare protocol. I did not get my guts cut opened and rearranged to fail. Nope - FAILURE WAS NOT AN OPTION - not this time. I had years of self-medicating with food. Years of dieting and failing and beating myself up in that vicious cycle of self-inflicted pain - eat more, guilt, driven to eat more, guilt, etc. When my "pouch" became my new best friend, I was able to care more about the new-baby-healing than me...
I haven't quite reached my goal weight, and I am so close, and I am working hard to achieve that goal! My BMI is almost "normal"... This 39 year old woman can walk 5 miles and talk at the same time...can walk up and down stairs and talk at the same time....I don't know if my husband enjoys walking the stairs at Magee Women's Hospital, but I know I sure do! I can chase after my
2 ½ year old granddaughter with no problem! Instead of finding a "close" parking spot at Wal-Mart, I park far away because I know I can walk the distance! I can do more now than ever! This past weekend, I walked 5 miles in the woods with my husband helping him carry wood to his tree stand for hunting season! Last year, I wouldn't have been able to do that!! I had a short sleeved shirt on and my husband felt I should wear a long sleeved shirt to keep my arms from getting cut up from the jagger bushes in the woods, so he handed me one of my son's long sleeved shirts and it fit!!!!
God is A-W-E-S-O-M-E!
My family is F-A-N-T-A-S-T-I-C!
Life is W-O-N-D-E-R-F-U-L!
Holly
YAY Holly!!!! Congratulations on how far you have come in the past year. You are NOT failing this time. This time is different!!! You are a success and I am proud of you!!!! Keep up the great work. You will reach your goal. Look how far we have come. Congrats on all of your milestones and WOW moments over the past year.
Hugs,
Tabby
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