Why I had WLS...excuses and tears...(xpost)

Let me take you on a LONG trip that started in 2001 with my mothers FIRST heart attack or I could take you back to 1990 when she was diagnosed with Diabetes and first put on meds oh yeah and diagnosed with High Blood Pressure.  Or I could take you back to the 80's when my mother BAKED the most unbelievable pies and cakes and home made bread or made ice cream...ALL from scratch or I could take you back to about 1978 when I stole a pack of powdered donuts from the neighborhood store cause there was nothing sweet to eat at home THAT day.

Or I could take you to 5:45 am when while running on the treadmill doing my couch to 5k week 2 day 2 run, and I wanted to quit.  WHY because I was TIRED and it was HARD.  Then I thought of my mother who in her last days NEVER wanted to give up her pies and cakes and cookies EVEN though she shot insulin 2-3 times a day, took a HOST of meds, ended up on dialysis because her kidneys got tired of processing the meds.  She told me once "it's ok to eat it cause I go to dialysis tomorrow and they clean out my blood." 

My mother spent her last 3 months on earth, hooked up to machines, bed ridden and in the hospital, but I find excuses for not leaving the house to walk or whatever, life is passing me by and I'm letting it.  Never make the CHOICE not to leave your house.  Get out and see the world cause there are those who actually can't leave the house or hospital or home.

My mothers last 2 years on earth she spent a few hours a day, 3 days a week hooked up to a dialysis machine, but I can't go to the gym 30 minutes a day 3 days a week. 

My mother maneuvered around her home in a scooter because her legs couldn't support her weight, but I'll find the closest parking spot and not use the stairs if I want to say something to someone...or better yet email or phone them.

My mother died December 8, 2006 after she coded during her last dialysis treatment.  My mother ULTIMATELY died over something she could have put an end to.

I started crying on the treadmill and running at 4.7mph asking myself "what do you think is harder, running right or not being able to walk later?"  "What's harder Michelle staying here and finishing your ******g 30 minutes or being hooked up to a machine for hours?"

I realized when I went on Weigh****chers at 318lbs in October 2006 that under NO cir****tances did I want to live like my mother did.  When she died 2 months later I realized I didn't want to DIE like she did either.

I realized in 2007 that I was beyond the point where I could "diet" alone.  I needed SOMETHING anything to HELP me.

I realized today as I ran on the treadmill that ALL my excuses come with a PRICE and that price is my LIFE and so I've been crying almost ALL day because I realize that everytime I give an excuse for not going to the gym or working out a MERE 3 times a week or just walking more (I have that trusty pedometer on.  Or when I eat some "crap" NOT once (because one doesn't hurt) but it's when one turns to two and turns to three and all of a sudden you are sliding down that slippery path.

So today has been about remembering WHY I had WLS, I love my mother more then life and it hurts that her death made me realize what I was doing to myself, but in that same breath, I'm thankful that her death made me wake up.

Mom EVERYTHING I do is in remembrance of you.  I WILL honor my temple because it's what I SHOULD do.  I am perfectly made in HIS image and will do honor to that as well.  I will get out my chair and MOVE more.  I will make eating right and moving more a PRIORITY.

Ms Shell

WOW!  thank you for that . . .it puts so much into perspective!

Hugs to you!
Chris

I know you will succeed.  Love you, my friend.

~Naomi

Thank you for your continued inspiration: for your daily WDYET posts and for posts like this one.

Like you I didn't want to end up on dialysis (like my aunt did), dying of diabetes complications.  I'm slow, but steady.  Making my way towards a healthy me.  

hugs,

---jan---

 Thanks for sharing.  It is so easy to lose perspective, especially when it is hard work.  But what is the alternative?!?!  Chose life and wellness--it is priceless!

That is truly inspirational...Thank you.

As I sit here wiping my tears away, I realize, that I am exactly like you.  I complain about having to work out and to not be able to eat some of the things I want to eat, but you have just put it in perspective for me and for that I thank you from the bottom of my heart.  We will make it and I will always remember your post.  Thank you again.  
                              Hugs~Donna

wow.  wow. wow.
This left me speechless.

This was so moving.

THANK YOU FOR SHARING THIS.
THANK YOU FOR BEING SUCH AN INSPIRATION

Shells that is the most honest to God post I have read in like forever!!!

I hate to use the word inspiration...but this post needs to be saved and resurected to give everyone here a good reality check!!!

Thank for the post...so MOVING!!!

Big hugs to you and keep on inspiring people like you have!!!

wow! I am floored and humbled. I am literally speechless. Thank you for giving us a reminder of what a priceless gift we are given. I look foward to the day I recieve my gift. Although I feel as if I recieved a gift from you, with your post. I will use my tool well. I will do it for me and the others that aren't able to have this opportunity.

Thank you for your touching and honest post. Your mom would be so proud of who you have become.

Hugs and Friendship,