I'm fess'n up

Well, today I'm bummed out again. The scales are going in the wrong direction; I know why and I'm really disappointed in myself.  Absolutely no self discipline..playing games in my head and obviously Losing to the enemy: snacks :-(

My problem is nite time; I am so good while at work..or even on the weekends, during the day I'm fine.  I keep busy, do my walking but the evenings...I just let down my guard. Cows develop hoof 'n mouth disease...I develop hand 'n mouth disease...and there is just no darn good reason for it! I'm not under stress, I'm not bored, I'm not feeling 'emotional'...it's just old habits coming back and the 'games' I play with myself to allow them access.

I have 17 days to work on this mind-playing-game  as much as I can before we leave for Washington on the 21st or 22nd.  I must have the discipline and motivation in place before I get into the Thanksgiving swing with family..with them all activities include food...and it's going to be a huge challenge, especially if I'm out of control :-( 

Unlike some who have had WLS, sugar is not the detriment for me as 'promised' by the docs and case workers.  Carbs and sugar do not cause dumping syndrom...this is NOT a great thing..it is a CURSE!  It is just more proof that my pouch is a TOOL, not a cure...that my mind with it's sabotaging thoughts can cause me to shoot myself in the foot...and then beat me up for being so gullible.

I know what I have to do...learn the word 'NO' and apply it to the 'child' in me who is throwing a tantrum. I have to look in the mirror and ask myself the same question I ask others who want to circumvent the 'rules'...WHY DID I GO THRU THE SURGERY AND ALL THE HOOPS AND LOOPS IF I'M NOT WILLING TO MAKE LIFE STLE CHANGES? 

I do not apologize for this being so long..or if it is self-serving...I see things more clearly if they are in writing...and I want the newbies to know that not all days are sunshine and roses.  Some days are just hard! All the support in the world can't make me do what I need to do...it all comes down to ME and my determination to NOT be a failure (once again).  I had this surgery for ME...and by God, I'd better remember that it is up to ME to use my tool effectively!  Taking care of ME is a 2 way street...I only get 'out' what I put 'into' this journey...and that is really empowering if you think about it ;-)

This forum is a god-send...I haven't even shared these thoughts with my Monday nite support group.  I have such a  feeling of 'safe-harbor' with this special group of people...I know most of you understand where I'm at at this particular moment...and I know I have your support and love while I struggle with my own thoughts ^_^  You all are so appreciated...Thank You for being here.
Nancy aka Sunray

Ahhhhh Nancy here....(((((((((Nancy))))))).

Bless your heart.  I totally understand and I suffer from the same disease.  My tiny cure is my sunflower seeds.  Something in my mouth to crunch on.  They also have low sodium ones too.  You have the same thoughts as me.  I also get so angry at myself, why did I do this surgery and never get to goal.  I am just comfortable here, but then on the other hand, I get angry too.  I just posted that I am going to rededicate myself to losing again, just for one day at a time. 

So here is a list of little things you can snack on at night.

Pain meds, they make you sleep!!!!  lol
Nuts
Sunflower Seeds
Sugar Free Popcicles
Hot tea, no caffinine...

I am sure there are others, maybe someone else can chime in.  You can always call me at night and we can talk the night away until we are sleepy and we can miss the food together.  Oh yeah, one more thing that is good at night, SEX!

Love you bunches, Diane

One of these days we just have got to meet in person Diane.  You make me laugh and cry at the same time ;-)  I laughed at your first suggestion...pain meds...and again at your last one...sex....think Lon might like that ROTFLMAO    

Thank you for understanding...I know I can always count on you
Nancy aka Sunray

Sex is not a snack Diane!  It is a meal, but only if you are doing it right!  Yes it keeps us busy!  And yes it curbs hunger cravings.  Thank God some of us are past the baby stage or we would be perpetually pregos if we had sex everytime we wanted to eat.

Nancy I am with you girl.  I so understand.  I was getting in that groove myself with the snacking thing and I had to stop.  What I am doing is this.....Knitting Christmas gifts.  Crafting and keeping my hands busy.  Chewing gum also helps me.  At Trader Joes they have this gum called Cinnomon Altoid gum.  Hottest damn gum in the world.  Chew a few pieces of this and your tounge won't let you snack on anything else.  Period.

I am out so I gotta make a Trader Joe run soon.

You are not alone and I am so glad that you trusted us enough to share what is really going on with you.  Nancy, we love you just the way you are.  You are an amazing woman and your faith in God puts me in Awe of you.  This is going to pass and you are going to be just fine.  I just spoke to God just this sec. and he told me to have faith that all is going to be just as planned for you!  So not to worry He is in control!

((((((((Hugs)))))))))

Rhonda

Gf, you are just too funny...a full meal...thank you for the laugh...I needed it ;-)  And I love the fact that you have a direct pipe-line to the Man upstairs...I myself have a ladder..but sometimes one of the rungs falls out...and He has to bend down to reach me...^_^  How reassuring to know He is in control..that is one of my problems...I think I should be LOL

seriously, thank you for your encouraging words...I knew I could turn to my friends here and you all would understand.
Hugs right back at ya!
Nancy aka Sunray

Nancy
I am so glad you posted.  Not dumping is a curse!   Damn it!   I was seeking that outside intervention of discipline,....that spanking of sorts.  But alas God says 'Uh...how bout a little SELF discipline...'  .  But we've been given all the tools we need and I know you have the power within you..........your new life and health are so worth the sacrifice!  How much of a sacrifice could it be when you replace snacks with Sex anyway?! lol. 

Dianne you kill me!  Pain pills and Sex........sounds like a Hot Saturday night waiting to happen!

You guys make this journey that much more enjoyable!  I'm glad you're here!

Deb

You hit that one on the head, Deb...I was waiting for the 'consequences' to eating carbs and sugar...when it didn't happen, my head went to the races to rationalize my eating behavior.  But, like Lay's Potato Chips, I can't eat just 'one' of anything sweet or doughy...I eat til it's gone.

thanks for the support!
Nancy aka Sunray

Hi Nancy!  I would say Happy Hump Day...but sounds like you ladies are waaaay ahead of me!

Seriously, Nancy - you can do this.  Buck up... stop making excuses and Focus!!!  I don't care if you have to put post it notes reminding yourself how great you are and how much this means to you every place you look during your entire day.... or like me, you can carry an Overeaters Annonymous book to reach for when the will power starts to slink away into the shadows leaving us to our old habits of the past *~*DANGER*~*DANGER*~*Don't go back there!

I will send you whatever you want.. pack of post-its ~ I will even fill them out for you ~ or a OE-ANon pocket book... but know you are not alone!!!

I can totally relate!!!  Big HuGs!!!

Hey Rachel
Don't need the post-it's...got them coming out of my ears here at work...but that OE book does sound interesting!  The one and only time I was ever 'successful' at getting rid of the weight was with OE Anon...but then they changed their format, I lost interest. and the rest is history :-(  PM the details on the pocket book...

'danger danger'....you forgot the 'Will Robinson' part LOL  Thanks for the 'finger shakin'....  it definitely is time  to 'buck up'....especially since Buck is my last name!!

Thanks Rachel...hugs right back at ya {{Hugs}}
Nancy aka Sunray

This is the book that I have. 

http://www.amazon.com/Take-Off-Keep/dp/0809244934/ref=sr_1_1 3?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1257374908&sr=1-13

I keep it with me and whenever I feel the urge to eat for no reason, I read from it instead... sometimes just the act of reaching for it instead of food refocuses my attention on what I am supposed to be doing.

I am just an overeater.. and I used to be addicted to sweets but now I can't even look at sugar or I am sick.  Anything too rich or in a white sauce - im sick.  Anything fish - im sick.  But the problem is that now (at only 4 mos and 2 weeks out) i am physically able to eat more and so its a constant struggle to keep my portions under control and not snack in between meals.  I know this is just habit (due in part to my polish,  italian,  portugese heritage and past indulgent behavior) because I am rarely actually hungry.  My protocol says 3 meals a day NO eating between meals whatsoever - and my doc is adamant about this.    So the struggle continues.... I am bound and determined to win this one!

The book helps me focus on changing habits and keeping it front and center in my brain. My life has a way of working me into long crazy hectic days and worrying about and taking care of everyone but myself.... my little worn book is like my very own safety net...but now im memorizing the stories.. so will need a new one soon!

And btw:  This might be kinda far for you, but you might be interested in  

BACK ON TRACK MEETING

Our next support meeting will be a focused look at post op Bariatric patients (all surgeries)  who will benefit by coming and listening to members of our team discuss how to make the most of your surgical experience.  We will be discussing food, fitness, post-op weight gain and new technologies.

If you are a long term post op, this meeting is for you-New post op patients are also welcome to come and hear of the challenges long-term patients may be experiencing.  This event is always a "shot in the arm" for our patients and is very well attended.

WHEN: SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 7TH, 2009

WHERE: Mills-Peninsula Sierra Room (ground floor) 1501 Trousdale, Burlingame, CA

Time: 10am-Noon

Keep up the good fight Nancy!  You are an inspiration to me in so many ways! Thank you!