Now that you're "a normal size," or at least much smaller....

Do you have some fear that people will find out "you used to be fat?"  Part of me feels this way. In fact, often I will find a way to "explain" to people that I had WLS and recently lost weight.  It's as though I'm telling them-- I'm not sure-- maybe:  "This is not the real me, the REAL me is a fat girl."  Or "I used to be fat, will you still like me?"

Does anyone else experience anything like this?  I just don't know how to deal with it.  It's as though, I'm not sure "which person" is "the real me."    Or maybe, no matter WHAT size I am, I don't know how to "accept myself."

ok, looks corny on paper.  Any thoughts you have along these lines will be welcome,

pp

I honestly don't care. I post my fat pics on Facebook, I have a photo of me on my wall unit - it's from my college graduation where I'm standing with my son & husband, and I'm a whale. I'm proud of losing weight, and taking my life into my hands. For me, I'm not the fat girl, but I do make sure to have empathy for others who are experiencing things like size discrimination.

My weight doesn't define me. My actions do. If people want to think otherwise, they aren't worth my time.

It takes time to adjust to being "normal." It took me many, many years and yeah, I still react to some situations as if I were still huge, but I don't think it shows. I still live in fear of turnstiles and narrow spaces between seats at restaurants, but that's a mindset from 18 years of being large.

Yes, to an extent---mostly in my head I think that I'm really a fraud and I'm masquerading as a normal size person.  In fact, I think I'm actually happy I'm hovering at twenty pounds over goal because I feel more "comfortable" being a 14, I can't even conceptualize myself being anything smaller.  Very weird head games.

This is also all in my head....but my DH's family live in So Cal, and they are all fit, attractive people.  I always felt like some kind of alien being the fat one with them when we visited.  Particularly because I know one BIL would watch his ex wife (who was NEVER overweight at all) and insist to her that she shouldn't ever "let herself go" and get fat.  Now I feel like I'm normal sized but not "real" normal....it sounds strange putting it down, but yes, I know what you mean.

Funny you brought this up. This past weekend I was at a pig pickin' and it was cold; had a roaring bon fire going so it kept us toasty enough. My mother in law was there and she was wearing a coat I gave her about ten years ago-it was way too small for me and instead of returning it, I thought she'd like to have it. She looks at me and says "hey, remember this coat?" I'm like yeah, sure...when I really had forgotten. Then she said, "You gave me this because it was too small, you know...before you lost weight." Complete with shifting eyes and hushed tone as if she said something wrong! I found it humorous for I really could care less if people know I was smo or not. It's just not an issue with me at all.

You are you...no matter the size of your body. Did your weight loss change you THAT much? Naw...sometimes it just seems that way as we can now do more things than we could when we were smo.

 It doesn't sound corny at all.  I feel this way.  Like an imposter.

Yesterday I was shopping at some factory outlets.  I was in Banana Republic, where I have shopped before multiple times for the past 6 months.  I was picking out clothes and got a glimpse of myself in the mirror and thought I looked "normal".  The first thought though that came into my mind was "OMG, I look like everyone else....they're all going to think I belong in here".  

Really odd, and I feel stupid for saying it.

Later that day, I was in a department store looking at ****tail dresses for an upcoming cruise my husband and I are taking.  I had myself convinced that even though I take a size 10 in everything else, that the dresses were cut smaller, so I took in a 16 (!), and a 10.  The 10 fit, and when I saw myself in it I started crying.  I looked so small and feminine.....something I have never felt.  

My head hasn't caught up to the "new me" yet, and I dont know when it will.

I am a very honest person...(.ok that's a lie, j/k)... But I feel like if I don't 'fess up I'm hiding a secret. I find myself telling people almost everyday that I had wls...partially because I'm in love with my DS, partially to be upfront and "honest".

I must be the odd man out on this one. I really don't care if people know that I used to weigh 100+ lbs more than I do now. The problem that I do have is when they as me "how did you do it?". I say "I had surgery -but NOT RNY" and that just confuses the hell out of em. I am proud that I have lost over 100 lbs!

I relate to this in a way. I don't have a fear that people will find out I used to be fat. Instead, I have a strong desire for everyone to know.  I wish I could wear a permanent sign that says "I used to weigh 320 lbs". 

I feel like I'm "passing" now, and it kind of feels like a betrayal. A betrayal of what, I'm not exactly sure...my old self, other fat people who are still discriminated against, who knows? 

I guess at the heart of it, I still don't feel like this me is the real me. I feel like people who meet me now and didn't know me fat don't really know me. I have a new coworker who just started and he has no idea. I am kind of looking forward for any opportunity for it to come up organically, because it feels strange for him not to know.

At some point I suppose I'll be like this for long enough that I feel like "me" again. I sure hope so. 

Yes, I'm hoping that some day it will feel "normal" to be "average."  The hell of it is, I never felt "at home" in my big body!! I always felt like I was a thin girl in a fat girl's body!  Now that I"m, well not thin, but so much smaller.. I too feel like "an imposter." 

Maybe it's because it all happened so fast.  A lot of time, I too will tell people, like when I'm shopping, and I'm excited because of the new clothing options and what I can fit into, that I've just lost a lot of weight.  Maybe I want to be patted on the back and approved of.  Maybe I want acceptance.  But maybe I want the other person (always a woman) to realize that I'm.. an imposter.

very very strange, all this.

I used to totally "hide" the fact that I used to be fat!  I have been ashamed for so long.  And not just that, I was also ashamed of having WLS to solve that problem.

Up until the last maybe 3-4 months, the only people that knew I'd had WLS were you folks here and my parents.  I'm blabbing it all around town these days.  I just really feel like if someone isn't going to like me because of that is just not worth my time.  Revealing my WLS to people has made me feel sooo much better.  I haven't told everyone yet(it just hasn't come up) but I feel a lot of pressure relieved that now I don't have to worry who is going to find me out. 

I still can't believe I worked 2 full years at one place without anyone finding out.  I got hired on at 1 year post op and just recently started telling people.  No one saw my driver's license, no one saw old pictures of me, no one saw my skin.