Feelin' low the last couple of days

Hi all, I've been feelin' low the last couple of days. I'm happy to say that Peter has found a 9/10 (90%) match and we meet with the doctor on the 17th, but I'm low because I'm thinking too much. Thinking of all the things the doc is going to tell us on thursday, the risks and all, laying it out on the table. I know the chemo is going to make it worse before it gets better, and I'm beginning to think about how hard it's going to be on him.  I've been going on a spending spree the last couple of days, one of my other 'comforts'. Nothing too outrageous, just some new clothes and 'stuff'. I'm trying not to graze too much so I've been goofing off playing mindless games on the computer. Then I feel guilty 'cuz I've accomplished nothing, and Peter is doing all the paperwork. I just needed to vent and tell someone that I'm feeling overwhelmed and the whole thing hasn't even started yet! If I have mini breakdowns now, how bad is it gonna be when it all hits the fan and he's in the howpital having his treatments. Sherri, I love the silly e-mails you send me, they make me laugh and I need that alot.

Thanks for being there to 'listen'

Hope

Hope, I am sorry you are having a low time right now.  Often I think it is the unknown that makes things the worse.  I am thrilled to hear that the match is so strong.  That is certainly positive.  I would direct you to hang tight to your verse on your signature.  God is certainly there with you and is holding you close.  The difficult part is remembering that during the rough times in life.  I will add you to my prayer list.  Keep in touch and let us know how things are going.  Peg

Hope, Honey, I can so understand your little shopping addiction. I am so bad at that too. And I can justify every purchase..well, to myself anyway. I'm quite sure Bill wouldn't agree with me but good thing I have my own checks and my own checking account, huh? For example, I was going to order these really cool scissors that lets you cut through those plastic encased packages you get at the store. I hate trying to do that with a knife or scissors..I always end up messing up the manual that comes with the item. So..I see a comercial for the handy dandy Package Shark. Only $14.95..but wait, there's more! You get 2 of them with each order AND you get a cutter for those darn CD/DVD cases. Wow! Great, right?? AND..I don't have to order by phone but can do it online! That is really terrific to me because I hate it when they try to sell me a bunch more stuff on the phone. So..I go online..and there's a limit of 6. Well..I start thinking about who all I know who could benefit from one of those package sharks...and ordered the max! I couldn't think of 6, but you know, Christmas is only 11.5 months away! My $14.95 order came to $150 plus $60 s&h!!! At least I do get a rebate for $10 from the s&h! (And I heard about a site called FreeShipping.com because of the order..check it out! For $5.95 a year, you can save big $$ on your s&h. Oh..they are going to contact BariatricEating and PerfectlySweet to see if they would be willing to be affiliated with them...and us get FREE s&h through them!! Which would save me $100 for every 12 cases of AchievOne which is for me, a 72 day supply). Alot of my shopping is either 'stuff' like that..which I find useful or it's foods that I can handle or are sugar-free. And NO Oprah fans! This shopping addiction didn't start with me having my RNY. I get it quite naturally. My skinny-Minnie Mom who never had to diet a day in her life was even worse than I am..only she did all of her ordering from a catalog and made payments...from my step-dad's check since she didn't work!  I know part of my shopping right now is just being 'stuck' here in the house. I don't really feel like doing anything else but this isn't 'me'. I'm use to working...shopping in stores...going places. The internet lets me do that to a degree. Trust me, I am SO thankful that Bill Gates was born so darn smart and I believe he's earned every penny in his pocket and every dollar he gives to charity. I do believe my online shopping will be drastically reduced once I go back to work. Who will have time then?? It's good therapy for me for now though. You too are going through some special cir****tances right now. I can understand where a little bit of internet therapy is coming in handy. It's off-season so it's not like you can really do alot around the campgrounds to get your mind off stuff. I would imagine that paperwork just doesn't quite do it (and it is probably good therapy for Peter right now..men need things like that to keep their minds occupied. Bill always has his little 'projects' to exercise his mind. It's how he copes with losing his vision...so...whatever he's in to, he ..and therefore 'we' learn all there is to know about that. It was that way before & after we got each RV...he knows about as much about Dutch Star as the manufacturer I think...lol). It seems to me like men do better at digging into detailed stuff when they are upset and women do better with stuff that they don't have to concentrate on as hard. So don't feel too guilty over your little shopping expiditions (as long as it's within your budget), your games (my game of choice when stressed was Solitaire..now, it's Mahjong or Sudoku), or even some funnies that a caring friend may pass along to you (). We all have to have our coping mechanisms. These are yours. Actually..they are pretty similar to mine also. Maybe that's why I can relate so well, huh? I'm glad that my emails can make you laugh. We all need that. Be sure to share the best ones with Peter. I'm sure he needs to laugh right now too. The 17th is coming up quick. If you are like me, you are playing the 'what if' game in your mind. Don't. I like the saying 'Prepare for the worst, Hope for the best'. You already know what the absolute worst would be...now start picturing your life with Peter with the absolute best....total remission. I had a minister tell me once that when I pray for something, I needed to start trusting God to take care of it. Instead, I'd pray..and then I'd worry. He said that when you pray, you are to trust God enough to then turn that problem over to him and let him worry about the best outcome for that situation. Trust God to be in control over Peter's health. He is the one who made the 9/10 match possible. He is the one who is going to give Peter..and you..the strength to overcome each step of the process. He will be with each of the medical professionals who touch yours & Peter's lives. How do I  know? Because it is what we all are praying for. We are also praying that his will be done. And it will  be. Now..I'm not what I would consider a religeous person. Not by any stretch of the imagination. But Hope, I have seen too many of his miracles...and have personally experiences a few myself..to not have total faith that he is the one in control! I look forward to reading your updates..and I do keep you & Peter in my thoughts and prayers.... Sherri

I can't understand Chemo.. except with what I have gone thru with my brother and nephew But I know overwelmed... My husband is a pain patient.. after 5th spinal surgery they left him unable to walk.. his left leg is more or less usless unless he locks his knee. He has major sleep apnea, (he is thin) and can't stand his mask so he gets weaker and weaker.. sleeps all the time. He is on medicare and has access to VA but MY insurance Anthem has taken most of the  problems of making sure he get good care off my shoulder.. NOW.. I HATE my job.. no one should have to live thru such in humane treatment.. MY boss is a witch..but I am scared to quit for fear hubby wont get the same quality care he has been getting... see my point??  Honey you bvent... I'd be completely nuts if I couldnt. Linda Kay

Hope, Sorry to hear you are feeling low.  But, it is par for the course with what you are going through.  Don't worry about how you will handle the future.  You have amazing strength and it will come to your aid when you need it.  That isn't to say that you will not feel overwhelmed sometimes, just that you will get through it.  You know you have people you can talk to (US!) and that will help. Believe in yourself, we do.

(( HUGS )) and prayers are being said for you and your husband. I hope you feel better soon Hope.