Giving up

I have been feeling like giving up lately.  Before my surgery, I was sure I would be able to do this.  But it is SO much harder than I expected and not in the ways I expected it to be hard.  I am tolerating just about any food--haven't tried sugar or anything really crazy--which should make things easier, but instead I find myself tempted like crazy and eating more than I should.  According to my scale, I have gained four pounds that the scale said I had lost just 10 days ago.  I don't know how I could possibly have GAINED weight, because even with eating a little more than I should I am still eatin WAY, WAY less than I used to and WAY less than other people.  I wonder if the four pound lose was wrong and I never actually lost those four pounds or maybe I was dehydrated that day, I don't know, but either way, the scale has not moved in more than ten days.  It has been SO cold out that I hardly ever get to go on walks (I did order a Richard Simmons video today though so hopefully that will help) so I know that part of the weight stall is lack of exercise.  Honestly, the biggest problem is probably loneliness, boredom and the inability to resort to my old friend--food.   I just feel like crying.  Today is the first day that I have felt like this-the first day that I have honestly regretted having the surgery and wondering if I did the wrong thing.  I also am having a lot of the old thoughts of "I failed, again, on a diet" and I feel paralyzed in my ability to motivate myself to do better.  Every night before going to bed, I agonize over all the things I did wrong--didn't take all my calcium, didn't get in my protein, etc, etc, and make a resolve to do it all perfectly the next day yet I rarely ever do it all right.  I have been thinking a lot about going to talk to a therapist, but at the same time, I KNOW what I need to do I just am not doing it.  I just feel so hopeless about being able to lose any more weight.

Don't give up!  You can do this!  Might I suggest that you stop weighing yourself so often?  For the first year and a half I only EVER weighed at the doctor's office on my "official scale".  That way I always saw the lose and not the stahls. You will lose with this new tool as long as you stick to the doctors plan. I weigh nearly every day now but, it is cause I need to maintain and I can't let it get out of control. Keep your chin up! Smiles - LIsa

Thanks for the support--and I know I can do it, but right now I don't think I WANT to do it anymore.  It is so hard. By the way--up until about 18 months ago, I lived in Fort Wayne--I still miss it!

Dearest Maddie,  Hon, you are going thru the similar thing I did. My body was trying to adjust to all of the changes, and I was losing inches instead of lbs. Yeah, not what you want to see on the scales, but NOT THE END-EITHER!!!! Are you hopping on the scales every day?? My Dr. actually told my hubby to get rid of mine, and I had to go to his office for a wt. check every month. You weigh differantly differant times of the day, week & month. By the monthly weigh day, your body has had time to adjust to the changes you are making.Also, you are only out a few weeks. The "fresh new honeymoon" the 'WHAT THE H-LL HAVE I DONE"  the fear of failure all come into to plague our minds. YOU WILL GET  THRU THIS- YOU AREN'T ALONE, NOR THE ONLY PERSON WHO HAS FELT THIS WAY.   Have you gone to the SG. meetings to get support? Can you get to a mall & walk, or school, etc? I know it is hard, I have to drive 30 mi. just to get to a mall, but it really does help. I only could walk up & down the hall for the first few months after surgery. Hon, it sounds like you are being too hard on yourself, and expecting too much too soon. Take it from me, who is 2 /12 yrs. out, still having up/down days, the journey is so worth ALL the effort.  Make sure you are getting in all your water, protien, daily. Keep on keeping on, and remember, we all have had rough spots, thats why we are here for each other. If you ever want to pm. me to "vent" feel free, 'cause I do understand.  (((((Sending love and big hugs)))) Ellen

Ellen, Thank you for the kind words.  It is nice to know that others feel that same "OMG what have I done" and "I am failing" thing.  I am going to try to buy a YMCA membership in February--I used to belong to a gym and really enjoyed going so I hope that will help with the exercise.  Until then, I will do the Richard Simmons video on days I can't walk.   Do most people have trouble getting all their vitamins, calcium, etc in each day?  I usually get all my vitamins and medicine but rarely get all my calcium.  Protein I do so-so on--better than the calcium, but not great.  Water I am actually doing well at.  Just everyday that I don't get something done, I feel worse about myself. I have been going to the support groups--the one in my area is only once a month--which feels like a long time between groups, but I can't afford to drive to Indy for the meetings there.

Hun your only one month post-op and you have already lost 45 pounds celebrate that. I am 11 months out I started out at 465 pounds and am now down to 234. it comes off. quit punishing yourself for what you didnt do and focus on what you did. I still do not own a scale in my home I go every monday to my pcp and weigh there. all the staff there is so supportive. they are anxious every week to see what I may have done. that kind of gives me an extra boost of encouragement also. so you might try talking to your pcp and see if you can arrange that.  I still dont get all my calcium the stuffs gross exercise is important yes but start small. if you know your mail come at 2 go out and check it at 10 then again at 11 or 12 just something to start with. I hate exercising alone at home I would rather go walk thru the mall or something where I can window shop.good luck

Please don't beat yourself up over things that are in the past. You just have to accept where you are right now and go on. I know that I never see what I want to see on that scale. I think that I should wake up in the morning at normal weight because I did what I was suppose to do and so now I have to do it again????? Don't weigh yourself everyday. You weight different at different times of the day. I use to be obsessed with my scale and then I thought why am I putting so much power on that thing. I do weigh myself every week (that is if I remember). Sometimes it is hard getting down eveything that we have to but just keep working at it and it will come. It helped me in the beginning to keep track of what I ate (I still keep a food journal for that matter) and how much protein it had and then I kept track of how much liquid I drank. I still can't get the 64 ounces of fluid down but the doctor told that would come in time. It is getting better. Just remember to do the best that you can and don't expect perfection from yourself. That is why we are here. To use us as a sounding board and know that we understand where you are coming from because at least one of has been down that road. Just keep on keeping on and it will come. Promise!!!!

MADDIE HUN YOU ARE DOING AWSOME . I AM JUST 9 MONTHS OUT AND TRUST ME I HAD SOME OF THE SAME THOUGHTS YOU ARE HAVING RIGHT NOW. AND STILL DO AT TIMES. IT IS HARD TO GET IT ALL IN EVERYDAY I STILL STRUGGLE WITH IT AT TIMES. I AM AT A STALL RIGHT NOW THAT IS DRIVING ME NUTS AND I KNOW ITS BECASUE ITS SO COLD OUT AND I DONT FEEL LIKE WALKING OUTSIDE. SO WHEN I AM AT WORK AND ON A BREAK I WALK AROUND THE DEPARTMENT AND AT LUNCH I TAKE THE STAIRS DOWN AND HALF WAY UP JUST TO GET IN A LITTLE EXERCISE. I AM NOT SURE WHERE YOU LIVE BUT I AM SURE THERE IS SOME PLACE NEAR YOU LIKE A MALL OR SOMETHING YOU CAN GO WALK. HECK EVEN EVERYDAY THINGS CAN BE EXERCISE . PUTTING FOOD AWAY BEND AT THE HIPS AND PUT IT AWAY OR LIFT A BAG (WITH HANDLES) A FEW TIMES. WHEN DOING LAUNDRY LIFE THE BASKET A COUPLE TIMES BEFORE YOU PUT IT DOWN LITTLE THINGS . AND REMEMBER EVEN IF THE SCALES DONT MOVE I WOULD BE WILLING TO BET $10 THE INCHES ARE GOING AWAY.GET A TAPE MEASURE AND ON MONDAY MEASURE YOUR NECK AND TUMMY WRITE IT DOWN WEIGH IN AND WRIGHT IT DOWN AND THEN DONT DO IT AGAIN FOR A WEEK THEN AT THE SAME DAY AND TIME DO THAT AGAIN AND BET YOU WILL SEE A DIFFERENCE IF NOT IN POUND YOU WILL IN INCHES, I PROMISE WE HAVE ALL FELT THE SAME WAY AND WENT THROUGH THE SAME THING YOU ARE RIGHT NOW.  I AM VERY PROUD OF YOU 40+POUNDS IN LESS THEN A MONTH YOU ROCK.. VICKI

Maddie, Bless your heart! Where to start....I am in a stall again myself....I too think...WHY am I not losing...I am not eating NEAR all the food I use to eat...INCHES..believe everyone that says that because it is true...also on the vitamins...calcium...protein...don't fret over not getting it in one day...just do it the next....I have some days when I don't get in all the protein and everything in...I just tell myself..OK there is tomorrow...the thing I have found that helps me is that every noght before bed I put all the vitamins...calcium..B1...and biotin..and the tylenol I need to take daily in a little med cup...sit it on my desk (thats where the computer is and I usually have my coffee there in the AM) and it reminds me to take all in the cup! HANG IN THERE...you have done AWESOME in a month.... huggggggggggs, Janene

WATER WEIGHT!!! You are to new out of surgery to be giving up... YOU WILL continue to lose!!!  Are you snacking to much??? As long as you are munching on protien you will be ok.. Talk to your NUT but dont give up!! Linda Kay