OK - I'm going to say it I HATE MY LAPBAND!!!!!!! (LONG)

I've gotten tons of PM from some old friends asking where I've been.  I've been very busy at work but I'm so frustrated I can't stand it.  My depression is getting worse because I suck at this crap.  I just can't stand seeing all of these sucess stories day in and day out when I can't lose a lb no matter what I try. 

Here is the deal.  My highest weight was 363.  I had to do a six month diet for my insurance to approve me.  During this 6 months I got down to 337.  I had my surgery January 28th 2008.  Since then I have lost 27 lbs - that's it that's all. 

I've tried everything my NUT has suggested.  I've used baby utensils.  I've used a timer to only take a bite every 3 minutes.  I've increased my lean protein.  I've had weeks where I've gone hog fricking wild hoping that would jump start my weight loss.  I've had my thyroid checked and rechecked and rechecked in the last 15 months or so.  I eat very few carbs.  I've exercised almost daily for the past almost 3 months.  I've tracked my calories on sparkspeople, I haven't tracked calories.  I've drank 120 oz of water a day - I've drank 64 oz of water a day.  I've been very compliant - and I've been very non-compliant.

So, up until about January I was filled to 6.5 cc's and was having problems with puking (which pushes me towards easy soft foods).  My surgeon unfilled me completely for a month - I ate like crazy and only gained 2 lbs.  He filled me back up to 4 - I feel a little restriction, but have been able to focus completely on proteins.  I feel like my eating is the best it's been since surgery.  The other day when he gave me a fill I could hear him talking to my NUT outside the door and he told my NUT "I don't know what else to do for her".  Even my surgeon doesn't have faith in me, that hurts. 

I'm seriously so jealous of everyone here that is losing 100 lbs in 6 months (I was sure that would be me) - don't get me wrong - I'm happy for you that can do that - I just want to hurt you sometimes (JUST KIDDING).  I'm jealous of the people saying "I only lost 10 lbs this week" - that's more than 1/3 of what I've lost in over 1 year.  I'm still haven't had to go shopping because all of my "before" clothes still fit.  

I know there will be some of you that say "Well certainly you are taking in more calories than you are burning" - yes on occasion I am, but not on a regular basis at all, or "You are not being honest with yourself" - I've kept notes etc.  I'll be the first to admit I'm not 100% compliant - but I'm compliant enough that I should be losing weight - I'd say I'm at about 80% compliance right now. 

I know you've all heard this speech from me before more than once - but I'm getting really embarrassed.  I was really open with my WLS with people and now I'm so full of shame when they see me and I look the same as I did in June 07 when I started my 6 month diet.  My parents have said rude things, my husband has said rude things, my mother in law has said rude things, even my 7 year old son has said "When is your surgery going to work - you are still the fattest mom I know."

I'm just sick, sick, sick of being a failure.  I can't even lose weight with a tool to help me.  God Damn it Mother F-er - I want to go hit something, I want to take a kitchen knife and take this piece of plastic out of me - at least I would be legitimately fat.

I don't know that I'm looking for an answer - I don't know what I'm asking from all of you - I just needed to get this out!!!! 

Thanks for listening to my rant.

Have you discussed with your surgeon the idea of doing another type of WLS??

Yes - and he said he will not consider that until I'm 4 years out.  I would LOVE to get a revision.  Possibly a RNY (since that is the only other WLS my insurance covers) - plus my insurance is changing July 1 - so I don't know if that would change if WLS would still be covered.

Maybe a discussion with your general physician about antidepressants would help. I am just starting this journey and really hope things go well. But I know there will be struggles. It sounds like a different surgery would maybe have worked better. Even saying that, I know people who have had other types of WLS and they have regained their weight. The odds are not great for us, but they sure are better with surgery than without it. I hope you get some good support here and that it helps you. I feel for your frustration. Take care and above all dont give up.

Thanks for your support!  I hope your journey goes well!  Notice I said I hate my band - meaning I don't hate all bands and I have faith it is the right tool for lots and lots of people.

Maybe you need to look into finding a new surgeon.

I kind of agree, I'm wondering if a 2nd opinion wouldn't be a good idea. 

I agree: time for a second opinion.

Perhaps it's time for a different surgeon before your insurance changes?

I doubt Ins will cover it anyway for two years but better to find out now vs. after it is too late.

Get a referral from your pcp to another surgeon, and start the process for a revision to another type surgery. 80% compliant should have helped you more by now.  Contact other surgeons through this website Obesity Help, and get some feedback about having a revision before 4 years!
Possibly another type weight loss surgery will help you more, you would also be more motivated than a first timer.
Sometimes these things happen. If you are sure about the calories you take in, and the exercise 6-7 days a week for 3 months, and you haven't lost a pound, you need a change.
Since your insurance will be changing soon, get moving on it. Research your insurance and be sure what it covers now.
Best wishes.